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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being locked in?

257 replies

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:20

New house to us, so please bear with me. DH nipping out the back door and conservatory so he can smoke a Marlboro in the back garden. He locks both doors behind him because he doesn't want dogs to follow. Fair enough, garden is not completely secure yet. He leaves keys in doors so I'm locked in with dogs and I feel trapped. I can't get out unless he turns or removes keys. AIBU to ask him to remove the keys so I can leave when I want?

OP posts:
Pherian · 20/02/2025 21:13

This is a fire hazard. You could actually die not being able to get out the door. You would be trapped inside by fire.

He either gets the locks sorted and you get keys as well or move out.

pollymere · 20/02/2025 16:14
  1. If you are married, it should be about "your" house. Why is it his house?
  2. Tell him he's being an idiot about the front door. Imagine if the house caught fire!
  3. Tell him to get off his arse and sort out the back garden fence so the dogs can't get out.
  4. Remind him you're his wife.
  5. Contact your solicitor about getting the key from the previous owner.
NeshButUpNorth · 20/02/2025 10:45

tbh, it's a reasonable thing to just book a locksmith to come and fix it. I cannot believe any spouse could reasonably object. House ownership is not a reason to stop this. You have a fire risk and inconvenience. If he tries to stop this being done, to be honest it would be a very bad sign.
You just want a normal, working front door, like everyone else.

LlamaDharma · 20/02/2025 10:25

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:37

We have a front door that is locked. Previous owner took the only(?) key and DH sees no reason to change that lock as it only leads to a porch door that has new locks "so no-one can get in". Fair enough, but when he's off smoking and locking back doors I (and dogs) can't get out of the house.

His often do you need to get out while he's spending 3 to 4 minutes smoking a fag?

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 20/02/2025 10:21

midlifeattheoasis · 18/02/2025 22:11

Oh my god that was so painful

Missed that one….

MrsMoastyToasty · 19/02/2025 22:46

Get a new lock for the front door. The previous owner may have given copies to any Tom, Divk or Harry...

Vegboxwonder · 19/02/2025 22:45

steff13 · 18/02/2025 21:25

This kind of knob is what I was talking about. I don't know if I explained it very well.

Please don't get these types of locks or any others that can be opened from the inside without a key! We had similar, and were burgled whilst asleep in bed - dead easy for the burglars as once they'd smashed the glass panel in the back door, they could just unlock the door and stroll in!
But as others have said, you need to be able to lock and unlock your front door in case of fire!

LittleOwl153 · 19/02/2025 22:41

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Assuming you are married calling him DH tou absolutely do have ownership of the house so don't let him tell you otherwise. I'd suggest you look into registering a beneficiary interest in the property with the land registry.

And yes if you cannot get out of the house it is a problem. But he knows this and is being deliberately awkward.

catlover123456789 · 19/02/2025 22:31

So when someone comes to the front door, do you tell them to go round the back? (Bought a house where front door was locked from inside and key lost.. we could get in but not out. Then one day I tried a random key I found in a drawer and voilà, it worked! I wonder how long the previous owner didn't use that door for. She'd had a doorbell put in the back door because of it!)

mumda · 19/02/2025 20:28

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:37

We have a front door that is locked. Previous owner took the only(?) key and DH sees no reason to change that lock as it only leads to a porch door that has new locks "so no-one can get in". Fair enough, but when he's off smoking and locking back doors I (and dogs) can't get out of the house.

Fook that. Get locks sorted. When you need to get out you'll wish you had.

The fire brigade would probably expect you to be able to open all your doors.

H0210zero · 19/02/2025 20:26

If there's no access out the front door then yes you have a right to be upset. Your DH needs to realise if there was a fire while he was out there you would be able to get out. As for the front from what you say he should be replacing that lock again if there's a fire it limits both your escape routes and the dogs. It sounds more alike he's preventing you leaving which may be a sign of cohesive control rather than just to keep the dogs in.

ThisBrickOtter · 19/02/2025 19:04

The real question her is why isn't she having this discussion with her husband. Only without the unreasonable framing.

There's times I'm very glad to be single.

TheAgileDuck · 19/02/2025 18:01

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

If he’s your husband it’s half your house - doesn’t matter who pays the mortgage or name on deed

WilfredsPies · 19/02/2025 12:42

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:51

I agree, but she's never come back has she? But apparently it's clear to everyone that he is lying about not having a key and is keeping her locked inside the house (while he nips out for a fag...) and that he is abusive and terrifying.

She’s feeling trapped in her own home if he goes out for a cigarette.

She describes herself as being oppressed.

She’s utterly convinced that she has no rights in her own home because it belongs to her husband.

Here’s where critical thinking skills come in handy. Do any of those three things indicate a healthy and happy marriage to you? Does a man who lets his wife believe that she has no rights sound like a good husband to you? Does it sound normal that she’s feeling trapped after five minutes, even though there’s a perfectly rational explanation for why he locks the door when he smokes outside?

OnYerselfHen · 19/02/2025 11:01

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:51

I agree, but she's never come back has she? But apparently it's clear to everyone that he is lying about not having a key and is keeping her locked inside the house (while he nips out for a fag...) and that he is abusive and terrifying.

True. Some folk do love the dramatics. It's sadly though likely to be a result of the fact that this the reality for many.

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:51

OnYerselfHen · 19/02/2025 10:47

I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Not think this is where people are getting the idea there is more to it? It's odd that she claims she has no right to change the locks in a house that is, by rights, half hers.

I agree, but she's never come back has she? But apparently it's clear to everyone that he is lying about not having a key and is keeping her locked inside the house (while he nips out for a fag...) and that he is abusive and terrifying.

Doodleflips · 19/02/2025 10:49

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:37

I have. The thread is other people who aren't the OP saying there is more to it.

Ok, and is there any harm in offering empathy and support, because it sounds like there’s more to it, and the op might be reading it? What is a better option?

OnYerselfHen · 19/02/2025 10:47

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:37

I have. The thread is other people who aren't the OP saying there is more to it.

I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Not think this is where people are getting the idea there is more to it? It's odd that she claims she has no right to change the locks in a house that is, by rights, half hers.

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:37

Doodleflips · 19/02/2025 10:32

Read the thread, it’s fairly obvious there’s more to it

I have. The thread is other people who aren't the OP saying there is more to it.

Doodleflips · 19/02/2025 10:32

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:29

What, three replies that don't really say much?

Read the thread, it’s fairly obvious there’s more to it

user1473878824 · 19/02/2025 10:29

Doodleflips · 19/02/2025 07:59

Then you should RTFFT!

What, three replies that don't really say much?

NeshButUpNorth · 19/02/2025 10:06

The most common, Eurocylinder locks cost about £10 to £12 to replace, and it takes about 90 seconds.
But - you need to be able to open the door to do it yourself. A locksmith can come and replace the cylinder and give you a new set of keys. It's a fire and theft risk to not have keys for your own front door, so just get it done without asking him if it's OK first. Just say it was worrying you.

EasternStandard · 19/02/2025 08:11

Bigcat25 · 19/02/2025 01:10

It's not a non issue at all. She's trapped multiple times a day. This and the other door not opening are fire hazards.

Agree.

EdithBond · 19/02/2025 08:11

WearyAuldWumman · 19/02/2025 02:17

I'm guessing that the OP's husband is lying.

Indeed. When you pay thousands for a house, the obvious thing you expect in return is a key to the front door.

EdithBond · 19/02/2025 08:04

YANBU. Especially if you feel depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Locking people in a home is a (not uncommon) form of abuse. It obviously controls people, as it stops them from leaving. It’s also potentially dangerous if the windows are also locked or don’t open very far, e.g. fire escape.

You say it’s your husband’s house. If you’re married, is there a reason the house isn’t also in your name? You may be entitled to half the assets in any case. Again, this is potentially controlling.

You say you have no right to change the locks. Has your DH said that to you? Please know you do have rights. You have a right to not be subjected to abuse, including coercive control. It’s unlawful. You have a right to divorce your husband and be granted a share of marital assets. You have a right to earn your own money, pay for your own home and live your own life. You have a right to do anything you please, as long as it’s lawful.

If you feel oppressed, please take the step of contacting a domestic abuse organisation. Women’s Aid if in UK. They will believe you. You’ve made a great first step posting here. You don’t have to leave your husband but at least get some advice to get perspective and understand your rights and options.

In the meantime, be very clear you don’t want to be locked in, so the front door lock must be urgently changed so it can be opened from inside without a key. The previous owners shouldn’t go off with the front door key. Very odd. It means they can get back in. Ask the estate agent or solicitor for them to return it, then change the barrel.