Being locked in?

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 2025-02-18T21:20:00+00:00

New house to us, so please bear with me. DH nipping out the back door and conservatory so he can smoke a Marlboro in the back garden. He locks both doors behind him because he doesn't want dogs to follow. Fair enough, garden is not completely secure yet. He leaves keys in doors so I'm locked in with dogs and I feel trapped. I can't get out unless he turns or removes keys. AIBU to ask him to remove the keys so I can leave when I want?

RandalsAunty · 21/02/2025 18:29

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 23:03

We both have control of our dogs, because they have been trained. Thanks for your insight.
We have new door locks, as previously mentioned.
Maybe read the whole thread?

Show quote history

You previously said that the front door is not useable as the previous owner took only key with him - so you don’t have new locks everywhere!

Do windows open? If they do I’m not really sure I understand why you feel trapped?!

iliketobereasonable · 21/02/2025 11:45

Why don’t you get another front door key cut?

FormidableMizzP · 21/02/2025 11:43

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:37

We have a front door that is locked. Previous owner took the only(?) key and DH sees no reason to change that lock as it only leads to a porch door that has new locks "so no-one can get in". Fair enough, but when he's off smoking and locking back doors I (and dogs) can't get out of the house.

Show quote history

What!? So many red flags. By Law the vendor must supply the keys. Also, "noone can get in" but that means you can't get out in an emergency. Doors are for access, out as well as in and ventilation. Even IF this is a temporary situation it is totally unacceptable - get more keys cut ASAP. But honestly, your marriage raises bigger questions, your 'DH' is not, if he thinks it's okay for you to be locked indoors several times a day at his choosing!?

Mrsgus · 21/02/2025 10:04

This sounds like an absolutely ridiculous post. Locking 2 doors to prevent dogs getting out everytime he has a cigarette, why not let the dogs out into the back garden whilst hes out there? If any of us are in our back garden our 2 dogs are too, unless its piddling down and then they are mysteriously no-where to be seen!!

If it's a HA/council house and the previous tenant took the key then they would have changed the lock. Similarly if you bought the house the Estate Agent surely would have sorted out a new lock for the front door to show around any potential new owner rather than having to traipse around the back to gain access. If it was a repossession, they definitely would have changed all the locks so I can't see how you would have only had keys for an inside porch door, back door and whatever other door he's locking 🤷‍♀️

CurtainsCurtain · 21/02/2025 09:34

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/02/2025 09:05

I’ve read the whole thread. Nothing you’ve said explains why, despite being married, you’d house belongs to your DH - as opposed to both of you.

Or why you described yourself as depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Show quote history

Yes, indeed.

jannier · 21/02/2025 09:27

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 23:03

We both have control of our dogs, because they have been trained. Thanks for your insight.
We have new door locks, as previously mentioned.
Maybe read the whole thread?

Show quote history

I have you train the dog not to touch the door, your husband is outside by the door he tells the dog no. Although why the dog isn't allowed out with him is nuts.

Catza · 21/02/2025 09:07

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:27

No worse than living in an apartment block?

Show quote history

Made me chuckle too. Not everyone has two doors and most people manage to keep themselves safe just fine.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/02/2025 09:05

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:40

Keep reading!

Show quote history

I’ve read the whole thread. Nothing you’ve said explains why, despite being married, you’d house belongs to your DH - as opposed to both of you.

Or why you described yourself as depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Ladyluck22 · 21/02/2025 08:51

Why is he locking the doors, surly he can just close them?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 20/02/2025 23:19

Glad the doors and locks are sorted OP.
Totally get the back door thing, we have similar.
was the below also about the doors?
I think people got confused as it wasn't clear if it referred to the situation or the relationship as a whole.

Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.*

Original poster

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 23:03

jannier · 20/02/2025 22:58

Has he so little control over the dogs that he can't see them opening the doors and ordering them back in? Dogs need training.
You need new door locks
Does he let you leave the house?

We both have control of our dogs, because they have been trained. Thanks for your insight.
We have new door locks, as previously mentioned.
Maybe read the whole thread?

OP posts:

jannier · 20/02/2025 23:01

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:09

What should I be fixated about?

Show quote history

Your controlling husband and him saying it's his house

jannier · 20/02/2025 23:00

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Time to leave him then.

jannier · 20/02/2025 22:58

Has he so little control over the dogs that he can't see them opening the doors and ordering them back in? Dogs need training.
You need new door locks
Does he let you leave the house?

Original poster

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:40

CurtainsCurtain · 20/02/2025 22:38

Ok, so this is your issue, not the doors? What’s keeping you in the relationship?,

Show quote history

Keep reading!

OP posts:

CurtainsCurtain · 20/02/2025 22:38

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Ok, so this is your issue, not the doors? What’s keeping you in the relationship?,

BlondiePortz · 20/02/2025 22:35

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:27

No worse than living in an apartment block?

Show quote history

With an apartment block it would, or should, be against fire regulations to not be able to get out a door with using one hand ie no be should be able to be locked in to an apartment even with one door.

it does not matter where you live no door should be in position to be locked so people cant get out

Original poster

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:35

Eastie77Returns · 20/02/2025 22:27

Trying to imagine the set up of OP’s house. The front door is never used and there is no road in front of it? What do have in front? I’m guessing you live in a rural location? I’ve only live in cities so apologies if my questions come across as very ignorant. Do you live in the middle of a field? I just can’t work out what is in front of your front door. If the postman has to use it there must be some kind of path/walking area. And if he has to deliver letters and parcels to the front of the house surely it makes sense to have a key for the front door?

I've already said that locks have been changed.We have a walking path in front of the house then open fields and hills. The back is a typical 70s housing estate, garages, parking areas and easier access to houses through back gates.

OP posts:

Eastie77Returns · 20/02/2025 22:27

Trying to imagine the set up of OP’s house. The front door is never used and there is no road in front of it? What do have in front? I’m guessing you live in a rural location? I’ve only live in cities so apologies if my questions come across as very ignorant. Do you live in the middle of a field? I just can’t work out what is in front of your front door. If the postman has to use it there must be some kind of path/walking area. And if he has to deliver letters and parcels to the front of the house surely it makes sense to have a key for the front door?

Original poster

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:27

Agapornis · 20/02/2025 21:35

So your house only has 1 usable door? That sounds unsafe.

No worse than living in an apartment block?

OP posts:

BlondiePortz · 20/02/2025 22:13

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:11

Erm yeah. In this area everyone uses the back door apart from the postman! We have no road at front and back gate is easier for people visiting and deliveries.

Show quote history

My mums house people use the back door but they can get out the front door if they chose too

Original poster

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 22:11

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/02/2025 22:05

@DazedandConfusedbyPolitics so he walks around the garden while having a fag??? if he stood outside the backdoor, he would not have to lock it! I cant believe the old owner took the one and only key for a door! what was the point of getting a new lock to another door if you cant use it when the only key to the next door is missing??? what to visitors do, wander round to the back door???

Erm yeah. In this area everyone uses the back door apart from the postman! We have no road at front and back gate is easier for people visiting and deliveries.

OP posts:

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/02/2025 22:05

@DazedandConfusedbyPolitics so he walks around the garden while having a fag??? if he stood outside the backdoor, he would not have to lock it! I cant believe the old owner took the one and only key for a door! what was the point of getting a new lock to another door if you cant use it when the only key to the next door is missing??? what to visitors do, wander round to the back door???

Agapornis · 20/02/2025 21:35

So your house only has 1 usable door? That sounds unsafe.

Original poster

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 20/02/2025 21:17

Thanks for responses. DH is not controlling, just a thoughtless dick! I have issues about being locked in from before we met and I dont think he'd fully understood how distressed I am at not having an easy "out". He does now, we have new locks and the doors are only locked if we're both out or in.

OP posts: