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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the GP should have believed this?

128 replies

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 20:02

Son (18) had two nosebleeds yesterday. I took his blood pressure 3 times and the average over 3 readings was 152/86 which is obviously high, particularly at that age.

He had been sat still for about an hour before I took the readings and I asked him to sit still, breathe properly, not talk etc.

He had childhood asthma and as part of his annual check ups for asthma the nurse saw his blood pressure was elevated (approx 2 years ago) and sent us home with a blood pressure machine to take 3 readings and average them out and to do it twice per day which we did. This is why I was familiar with the whole taking it three times, making sure you’re not talking etc. His blood pressure was still elevated but if I remember correctly they weren’t concerned as it was slightly lower than what she has gotten in the surgery (I think it was in the pre blood pressure category, think yellow or orange) I trusted them that it was okay as they didn’t feel any further investigation was necessary but in hindsight I should have had this checked more frequently.

The GP today took his BP twice and both times it was 153/87. We had been sat relaxed in the waiting room for 30 minutes, no caffeine etc. I explained that if he looked at my son’s notes he would see that it was elevated last time he had it checked and that I was worried that it may have been high all this time and about the long term affects of that.

The GP advised me / my son to do the same thing we did previously and keep a record over a week which, for the record I agree with and can understand the need for.

But I’m so upset at what the GP kept saying “It’s very unusual for a person this age to have high BP, it could be that you have things on your mind.” “You need to be completely relaxed and take the lowest reading.” And more words to that effecf. It’s like he didn’t believe it could be the case that my son has high blood pressure if that makes sense? It’s not like we showed up today and it was low, it was high both times the GP took it, it was high when the nurse took it, it was high when I took it three times yesterday and it was high when I took it 6 times a day for 7 days 2 years ago. What would it take for him to believe he has high BP? I explained that my Dad died of a heart attack and he asked me how old he was, when I said 70 I felt a bit silly but now I’m cross for not saying ‘but he had hypertension for at least 20 years before that and actually although 70 isn’t considered young it is younger than the average age for a man to die.) I also explained his Grandfather on his Dad’s side had a heart attack (I don’t know how he is now as they’re no contact).

I don’t think it helps that my son looks like the picture of health, he weight lifts and has done since he was 13 so is very muscular.

Surely the GP should have offered some lifestyle advice at least? Or say something along the lines of “If it’s still high then we will look at doing…..” He didn’t ask whether son drinks alcohol / smokes / takes drugs / eats a good diet / caffeine / salt etc. I had just spent an hour talking to my son about how he should probably eat more fruit and veg and up his water intake etc so it would have been nice if the GP seemed to believe his BP was actually high.

I will take the readings and take them back to the GP but WIBU to insist son is checked out more thoroughly if they’re still high? (I kind of already know they will be). AIBU to feel a little like the GP is unreasonable when he couldn’t believe an 18 year old could have high BP?

Just so there’s no drip feeds son doesn’t drink (maybe once every 6 months) smoke or do drugs. He doesn’t have any caffeine at all, no pre workouts, hot drinks or energy drinks etc. However, he does eat more than the recommended amount of red meat so that’s something to look at for us (bodybuilding thing I think). He wanted me to come into the appointment with him by the way because he knew he would need me to remember some of the details.

That's long - sorry.

OP posts:
PeriPeriMam · 18/02/2025 21:29

GravyBoatWars · 18/02/2025 20:50

OP, I understand your anxiety. But it sounds like you’ve jumped to a conclusion about the GP “not believing“ your DS’s blood pressure is high because his level of alarm didn’t match yours. The GP didn’t start handing out random lifestyle advice as you suggest becsuse he doesn’t know what’s causing the high pressures, and that level of high blood pressure alone isn’t specific to anything or in need of immediate treatment. It also sounds like he might have been reacting to some elevated anxiety from you - an otherwise healthy 18 year-old who’s mother brings him to the doctor for two nosebleeds with a list of blood pressure readings talking about the grandfather having a heart attack at 70 does raise some health anxiety red flags - by being very non-alarmist.

He didn’t dismiss the readings, he wants more information. Did he ask to speak with your DS alone? I would expect that to be an important fact-finding step.

This.

Lovethesparklylights · 18/02/2025 21:29

153/87 isn't very high, mine is roughly 165/93 and I'm not medicated for it currently. It was 200/110 or so and I had medication then and they were worried about that. They worry more about the bottom number than the top.
It can go up from stress, dehydration, salt, diet, being too heavy, sickness and other reasons. Get him to Google ways to lower it and take responsibility for it himself.

AppleCucumber · 18/02/2025 21:28

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:19

I don’t understand? Shouldn’t you weight lift if you have high BP? The GP saw his BP with his own eyes twice by the way just in case that wasn’t clear. I did ask if my son should carry on as normal and the GP said yes. I’m not sure my son would cope if he couldn’t go to the gym, it’s been 3-4 times a week for years, that would be a hard habit to break.

Also @Weddingbells6 , you're right to be concerned with a high BP. I lost my sibling at 40 from a stroke caused by high blood pressure. He was fine and healthy until he wasn't one day and things went downhill from there. My parents certainly didn't step away because he was an adult. They and we cared for him until he passed, that's what families do.

Edited to add, the doctors can confirm what's a dangerously high level but just saying high blood pressure is certainly something to keep an eye on

lalalala1234321 · 18/02/2025 21:27

It’s fairly standard process to request home BP monitoring to confirm Hypertension diagnosis after one off high BP reading at the surgery.
it’s in line with current NICE guidelines
I get it that it’s been high before, not sure why your son’s previous home readings were not investigated but I wouldn’t jump into diagnosis based on someone’s BP two years ago.
if BP at home is high - I would expect your son to be referred for further investigation to the hospital (possibly 24hour ambulatory BP, kidney scan and other tests) and I the meantime routine ECG, blood test and urine sample at the surgery.
no reason to be offended by the GP wanting more BPs and it doesn’t mean that he doesn't believe’ you
in fact with BP it’s always about getting more readings for better picture
just make sure you get a follow up appointment and clear plan what happens from there
Potential hypertension in such a young person is not common and needs to be taken seriously

TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2025 21:27

AppleCucumber · 18/02/2025 21:25

Yes it's really surprising to me when people get backlash for caring for their you g adult children. Are parents expected to basically no longer care when their kids are adults? Baffling to me. My adult sister might ask me to go with her to the GP and I'd say yes so why wouldn't I support my own child? I wouldn't be any less devastated if something very bad happened to my adult child Vs my toddler. I know they have to learn to take care of themselves as adults but they are and will always be my children, I won't stop caring because they turned 18

I’m 42 and if I asked mum to come to an appointment she’d be here by my side. I think some people don’t have that kind of relationship though.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 18/02/2025 21:27

Fedupdoc · 18/02/2025 21:03

If he has high blood pressure it needs to be investigated. At minimum he needs bloods and a renal ultrasound. This is very likely to be due to supplements of some kind. If he is absolutely taking no supplements then he needs investigated

U&E blood tests will reveal anything kidney related that might affect his blood pressure - he shouldn’t need an ultrasound unless the U&E bloods are out of normal range. An ECG would be indicated though.

YourFairCyanReader · 18/02/2025 21:26

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:02

Oh god really? He would just ignore it to be honest unless he collapsed. Do people stop scheduling / attending appointments with them when they reach 18? He hasn’t passed his driving test yet so I definitely needed to take him as it’s not on a bus route. I don’t always go in (he rarely goes to the GP) but I remembered some stuff he didn’t about this one.

No I wouldn't stop helping when they're 18, if they still wanted me to. Turning 18 isn't an overnight grown-up event and such comments are ridiculous - Young adults still need a lot of direction and support. Privacy and independence yes, but not just left to it on their own! You continue doing what you think is best for your son, you're not mollycoddling.

Northerngirl821 · 18/02/2025 21:26

But the GP did take it seriously: he asked him to monitor for a week and report back. He wants to see if his BP is still high when he’s not having nosebleeds and sitting in a doctor’s surgery. The time for “lifestyle advice” and further investigation will be if the readings remain high over a long period of monitoring.

YABU, and your son needs to learn to manage his own health issues without Mummy interfering.

AppleCucumber · 18/02/2025 21:25

TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2025 21:13

You can take steroids as tablets.

Having a 17 yo I know she’d want me to come with her to the gp. Mn thinks at 18 they’re adults and some are but some need support a little longer and that’s okay too.

Yes it's really surprising to me when people get backlash for caring for their you g adult children. Are parents expected to basically no longer care when their kids are adults? Baffling to me. My adult sister might ask me to go with her to the GP and I'd say yes so why wouldn't I support my own child? I wouldn't be any less devastated if something very bad happened to my adult child Vs my toddler. I know they have to learn to take care of themselves as adults but they are and will always be my children, I won't stop caring because they turned 18

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:25

OnyourbarksGSG · 18/02/2025 20:56

Steroids can 100% cause high blood pressure, flushed face and nose bleeds.

Yeah this is getting to be a theme isn’t it? There’s not a lot I can do if he won’t say that he’s taking it to be honest so he’ll have to make his own mind up if it’s worth the health risks.

OP posts:
BigDecisionWorthIt · 18/02/2025 21:22

Salacia · 18/02/2025 21:13

I’ve been told anecdotally of cases where supplements/protein powders sold online are cut with steroids so the customer sees gains and re-purchases. Might want to make sure he’s getting stuff from a legitimate source (or potentially he is using steroids but is less likely to admit it to the doctor with you there).

Most supplements for the UK market will be fine.

The ones with even the small risk of that will be ones imported from the American market... more costly due to import duty etc.

Professional UK based companies such as Myprotein, Bulk, Proteinworks can all offer supplements at an affordable price and wouldn't risk anything that could completely destroy sponsorship deals and the company as a whole.

Msmoonpie · 18/02/2025 21:22

Gosh I won’t think my mum attended an appointment with me from 16 onwards.

I was boarding by then so she had no involvement whatsoever.

As for believing you …well you’re a women so a GP is already less likely to take you seriously and being as you were helicoper parenting your adult son honestly yes the GP probably think you’re over the top.

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:21

EveryOtherNameTaken · 18/02/2025 21:18

Like other pps, I think this could be some kind of supplement he's taking. He needs to look at all of these and stop for a whole and see.

Yeah I think we need to go through everything he takes to be honest, he does have them all out on the kitchen side but I’m not a moron I know he could have stuff stashed. I’m not really very judgmental about anything so I’m not sure why he would hide anything but who knows.

OP posts:
Mardyybum · 18/02/2025 21:20

YANBU. I’m older than your son (33) and my GP was really concerned about my BP (average around 135/90) as I’m considered young to have an elevated BP.
I’ve been put on medication and was referred for kidney scans (which found benign tumours - likely the cause of my BP) and I have a cardiology appointment coming up too.
I’d push for further investigations.

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:19

Hwi · 18/02/2025 21:17

Weight lifts with high BP and a history of heart attacks in the family? Maybe that is why GP did not believe high BP?

I don’t understand? Shouldn’t you weight lift if you have high BP? The GP saw his BP with his own eyes twice by the way just in case that wasn’t clear. I did ask if my son should carry on as normal and the GP said yes. I’m not sure my son would cope if he couldn’t go to the gym, it’s been 3-4 times a week for years, that would be a hard habit to break.

OP posts:
EveryOtherNameTaken · 18/02/2025 21:18

Like other pps, I think this could be some kind of supplement he's taking. He needs to look at all of these and stop for a whole and see.

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:17

Salacia · 18/02/2025 21:13

I’ve been told anecdotally of cases where supplements/protein powders sold online are cut with steroids so the customer sees gains and re-purchases. Might want to make sure he’s getting stuff from a legitimate source (or potentially he is using steroids but is less likely to admit it to the doctor with you there).

Thank you, I’ll check his powder, I used to buy it for him and get the really good stuff but I make him buy his own now and I know he’s gets the cheap one now he’s working so worth checking thanks.

OP posts:
Hwi · 18/02/2025 21:17

Weight lifts with high BP and a history of heart attacks in the family? Maybe that is why GP did not believe high BP?

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:16

TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2025 21:13

You can take steroids as tablets.

Having a 17 yo I know she’d want me to come with her to the gp. Mn thinks at 18 they’re adults and some are but some need support a little longer and that’s okay too.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:14

steff13 · 18/02/2025 21:10

I don't think it sounds like he didn't believe you. He's asking you to keep track of the blood pressure over a week and report back, so he's clearly trying to get to the bottom of it.

I would imagine if the week shows consistent elevated numbers, he will take next steps. It would be unusual for an otherwise healthy 18-year-old to have high blood pressure, and white coat syndrome is pretty common.

You know what they say, if you hear hoofbeats look for horses, not zebras.

I don’t think he’s didn’t believe me at all. I think he didn’t believe that the reading could possibly be true or that they were due to stress or white coat syndrome etc but actually they’re been consistently high and was exactly the same for him as they were for me yesterday and similar to the nurses 2 years ago and all the subsequent reading I took all that time ago. I’m not sure I’m explaining myself correctly.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2025 21:13

You can take steroids as tablets.

Having a 17 yo I know she’d want me to come with her to the gp. Mn thinks at 18 they’re adults and some are but some need support a little longer and that’s okay too.

Salacia · 18/02/2025 21:13

I’ve been told anecdotally of cases where supplements/protein powders sold online are cut with steroids so the customer sees gains and re-purchases. Might want to make sure he’s getting stuff from a legitimate source (or potentially he is using steroids but is less likely to admit it to the doctor with you there).

Recycledblonde · 18/02/2025 21:12

The GP is unlikely to ask him questions about drinking,smoking or drug use with his Mum sitting there as they are far more likely to lie. I’ve never been to the doctor with my over 18 year olds although I would if they asked me to but the initial request would have to come from them unprompted.
Anabolic steroids can be taken orally or as a cream/gel although injections are more common so don’t rule it out.

Nicknacky · 18/02/2025 21:10

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:02

Oh god really? He would just ignore it to be honest unless he collapsed. Do people stop scheduling / attending appointments with them when they reach 18? He hasn’t passed his driving test yet so I definitely needed to take him as it’s not on a bus route. I don’t always go in (he rarely goes to the GP) but I remembered some stuff he didn’t about this one.

So get him to write things down. I don’t attend appointments for my 17 year old. They need to learn to communicate about their own health.

what age do you think they should be doing it themselves if not 18?

steff13 · 18/02/2025 21:10

I don't think it sounds like he didn't believe you. He's asking you to keep track of the blood pressure over a week and report back, so he's clearly trying to get to the bottom of it.

I would imagine if the week shows consistent elevated numbers, he will take next steps. It would be unusual for an otherwise healthy 18-year-old to have high blood pressure, and white coat syndrome is pretty common.

You know what they say, if you hear hoofbeats look for horses, not zebras.

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