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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the GP should have believed this?

128 replies

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 20:02

Son (18) had two nosebleeds yesterday. I took his blood pressure 3 times and the average over 3 readings was 152/86 which is obviously high, particularly at that age.

He had been sat still for about an hour before I took the readings and I asked him to sit still, breathe properly, not talk etc.

He had childhood asthma and as part of his annual check ups for asthma the nurse saw his blood pressure was elevated (approx 2 years ago) and sent us home with a blood pressure machine to take 3 readings and average them out and to do it twice per day which we did. This is why I was familiar with the whole taking it three times, making sure you’re not talking etc. His blood pressure was still elevated but if I remember correctly they weren’t concerned as it was slightly lower than what she has gotten in the surgery (I think it was in the pre blood pressure category, think yellow or orange) I trusted them that it was okay as they didn’t feel any further investigation was necessary but in hindsight I should have had this checked more frequently.

The GP today took his BP twice and both times it was 153/87. We had been sat relaxed in the waiting room for 30 minutes, no caffeine etc. I explained that if he looked at my son’s notes he would see that it was elevated last time he had it checked and that I was worried that it may have been high all this time and about the long term affects of that.

The GP advised me / my son to do the same thing we did previously and keep a record over a week which, for the record I agree with and can understand the need for.

But I’m so upset at what the GP kept saying “It’s very unusual for a person this age to have high BP, it could be that you have things on your mind.” “You need to be completely relaxed and take the lowest reading.” And more words to that effecf. It’s like he didn’t believe it could be the case that my son has high blood pressure if that makes sense? It’s not like we showed up today and it was low, it was high both times the GP took it, it was high when the nurse took it, it was high when I took it three times yesterday and it was high when I took it 6 times a day for 7 days 2 years ago. What would it take for him to believe he has high BP? I explained that my Dad died of a heart attack and he asked me how old he was, when I said 70 I felt a bit silly but now I’m cross for not saying ‘but he had hypertension for at least 20 years before that and actually although 70 isn’t considered young it is younger than the average age for a man to die.) I also explained his Grandfather on his Dad’s side had a heart attack (I don’t know how he is now as they’re no contact).

I don’t think it helps that my son looks like the picture of health, he weight lifts and has done since he was 13 so is very muscular.

Surely the GP should have offered some lifestyle advice at least? Or say something along the lines of “If it’s still high then we will look at doing…..” He didn’t ask whether son drinks alcohol / smokes / takes drugs / eats a good diet / caffeine / salt etc. I had just spent an hour talking to my son about how he should probably eat more fruit and veg and up his water intake etc so it would have been nice if the GP seemed to believe his BP was actually high.

I will take the readings and take them back to the GP but WIBU to insist son is checked out more thoroughly if they’re still high? (I kind of already know they will be). AIBU to feel a little like the GP is unreasonable when he couldn’t believe an 18 year old could have high BP?

Just so there’s no drip feeds son doesn’t drink (maybe once every 6 months) smoke or do drugs. He doesn’t have any caffeine at all, no pre workouts, hot drinks or energy drinks etc. However, he does eat more than the recommended amount of red meat so that’s something to look at for us (bodybuilding thing I think). He wanted me to come into the appointment with him by the way because he knew he would need me to remember some of the details.

That's long - sorry.

OP posts:
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chattychatter · 19/02/2025 13:10

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:10

I did ask myself whether is was right to go in with him but he wanted me to, maybe I should have stepped outside after I said everything I remembered. He spends 4 nights a week at his girlfriends so I didn’t really feel like I was an anxious Mum, I don’t even think about him when he’s not here 😂 but now I’m wondering if I’m a bit anxious. I think I’m carrying a bit of guilt about not having him get it checked sooner. Yeah I’ve sent him some links and chatted to him about how he could be healthier. I liked the GP to be honest and he saw my youngest son last week and was very thorough so I was a big surprised today at his disbelief. I think people are misunderstanding my concerns but I suppose you don’t always get a feel for a person on a forum. I really don’t think he’s on steroids but hopefully the GP orders a blood test if the results are still the same in a week or two. I couldn’t stop him anyway could I but he would need to make his own mind up.

Show quote history

Sorry Op, slow reply. I agree it’s tough and some people on Mumsnet are so nippy, haha.

I do partially agree with others in the sense of encouraging him to go it alone at 18, but in the same breath think people that age still need encouragement and guidance (I am only just turned 29 so it doesn’t feel like long ago to me). The GP would be able to talk to him more openly without you there.

See if you can get him to go alone - but sometimes these situations are about letting go of the control / need to know. Kind of like balancing the risk and if there is a health issue, he will learn a lesson from it. I do totally understand how hard it is to do that though.

I do agree it needs some investigation or for him to fess up if he is doing anything re substances or smoking or anything as it does seem a bit unusual. Can’t remember if mentioned already but encourage him to take a food diary and take it in to GP for next appt. And again, check over all and any supplements / protein powders etc. I think long term use they can cause some issues in some people.

Fraaances · 19/02/2025 07:06

I am a mum of young adults and understand that you still have to push them to advocate for themselves re medical & other health things. It partly stems from the age-related sense of immortality and also this generation is so conflict-averse that they are afraid to speak up.
If you have a family history of cardiac problems (including stroke), please tell the GP about it. I would hope that your GP orders some bloods (checking liver & kidney function as well as blood glucose, lipids and possibly thyroid function too. *Get it all done with one needle rather than come back for more) also an ecg (non-invasive and takes about a minute.). If his BP remains high, then maybe request a referral to a cardiologist for further investigation.
It took nearly dying at 50 to find out that I have a form of heart failure known as Dilated Cardiomyopathy, despite suffering from cardiac symptoms from an early age. Doctors thought I was too young also. From my perspective, I would rather that younger people with symptoms were investigated as thoroughly as middle-aged people. Treatment is so much more effective when caught early.

AppleCucumber · 19/02/2025 06:45

GravyBoatWars · 18/02/2025 22:17

Yes it's really surprising to me when people get backlash for caring for their you g adult children. Are parents expected to basically no longer care when their kids are adults? Baffling to me.

Oh, stop. Caring about our children is not under debate. An increasingly large part of being a parent as out DC grow is still caring deeply - and worrying - while also taking a step (or several) back. People have different views on how much independence and autonomy should be expected of teens and young adults but the decision has to be driven by the child’s needs and abilities, not our own feelings. Most parents care so much we’d encase them in a bubble 24/7 if it was about that.

No one expects parents to stop caring ever. But over time they do need to stop doing.

Exactly, people have different views so let it be to each their own. If you'd like to step back, then do so. Others won't step back as much, and that shouldn't be demonized either.

OwlInTheOak · 19/02/2025 00:25

He's below the medication threshold. It's "higher" but not concerning. Doctor may be picking up on your anxiety as being a possible trigger for it.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 19/02/2025 00:22

It isn't unusual at all for a GP to take this approach. I was put on medication for high BP a few years ago. Mine was discovered during a general health check (registering at a new surgery after a move). I was mid 60s, so a very common age for this problem, but I was still sent away to do readings at home - 2 weeks in my case - before I was prescribed anything and a dosage decided on. I assumed that it must be some sort of protocol or at least advised practice. So I don't think he doesn't believe you but he does need to check. Over medication for high BP can create real problems too.

NattyTurtle59 · 19/02/2025 00:10

scanni · 18/02/2025 20:57

As someone who reported and was observed for several years high blood pressure I understand how dismissive they can be. I was told it was white coat syndrome for so long, toils my home machine must be faulty etc. I do now have a blood pressure tablet, but I should have been prescribed it at least 6 years ago!

Wow, that's bad. I'm not in the UK but I recently was referred to my GP as my BP was a bit elevated. Since my initial visit I've been tested for every condition under the sun - I've had more tests since December than I've had in the rest of my life (all okay btw, it seems it's just hereditary). My GP even said he preferred to go with my home readings as he knows I suffer from white coat syndrome, and he prescribed medication on my first visit.

Babyenroute · 18/02/2025 23:53

@Randomease high blood pressure does cause nose bleeds. Six weeks ago I was in hospital having mine stabilised and was having horrendous nose bleeds, doctor told me it's related. Never got them otherwise.

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 23:50

Lostworlds · 18/02/2025 23:06

I was diagnosed with high blood pressure at 18. I was a young, fit, healthy teenager. The gp obviously didn’t want to seem to concerned incase it worried me. They discussed white coat syndrome and asked me to monitor my blood pressure 3 times a day, always record twice and write down the second reading. I was encouraged to do it at different points of the day and to make sure I was sitting for 5 mins before I took the reading. Reminded me about sitting still, feet flat on the ground, palms up and no talking just to make sure my reading was accurate. The gp wasn’t dismissive, they booked a follow up phone consultation a week later. My blood pressure ranged from 135 - 160 over a week: some days were lower depending on when i was at home relaxing or when I went to the gym (sky high). A week later I was referred to cardiology and had lots of tests done really quickly. It was a cardiologist who found out I had heart disease and I’m on life long medication.

I think your gp was trying to downplay it as it is unusual for teenagers to have high blood pressure. I think it’s a good idea to run through everything he takes and what he does and work out when his blood pressure is the highest.

My mum went with me to every appointment. She checked my readings, Yes I was 18 and an adult but I was also so new to doing all the medical stuff on my own and also a teenager who would have just fobbed it off if she hadn’t pushed me to get it checked.

Thank you for this. My teenager wouldn’t have glasses or teeth if I didn’t look out for him. Glad you got the medication.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 23:41

BalloonSlayer · 18/02/2025 22:53

I think it's fairly normal that they do this. I had a 50+ medical and it seemed obvious to me that they were determined to find nothing wrong with me so there was nothing they'd have to follow up (not that I thought there was anything wrong but she measured my waist as a lot smaller than it was, for instance, it's possible she had the tape measure the wrong way round, but still). The last thing they measured was my blood pressure. It was high. Took it three more times. It was high. Told me to sit down. It was high. Told me to relax. It was high.

Got me to come back in two weeks to have it checked again. It was high.

Got me to.come back in another 2 weeks. It was high.

Got me to wear a 24 hour trace. It was high.

THEN I got some medication.

After a couple of years I noticed that the checks I did at home had started to show as high. I had to start the whole rigmarole again to get the medication increased.

I agree that they are almost willing it not to be true. I also am willing it’s false but it doesn’t seem likely on a few occasions. Thanks for this.

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 18/02/2025 23:41

Nicknacky · 18/02/2025 21:10

So get him to write things down. I don’t attend appointments for my 17 year old. They need to learn to communicate about their own health.

what age do you think they should be doing it themselves if not 18?

Show quote history

I think it's weird that you think this is weird. It's totally normal for a patient to be accompanied to an appointment by a family member.

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 23:39

AppropriateAdult · 18/02/2025 22:52

I'm a GP, OP; I think several posters here would be stunned at the number of young men, well into their 20s, who bring their mother to their consultation 😁 It's not at all unusual.

I can understand your frustration at this issue not being addressed 2 years ago when it first came to light, but it sounds like the doctor is taking the right steps now. And it absolutely is an issue - high blood pressure is quite rare in an 18yo, so when it does happen it's much more likely to be due to an underlying cause (what we call secondary hypertension) than it would be in someone who was 58, say. So if it is confirmed, he'll need tests for underlying causes as well as end-organ damage.

If your son was my patient I would be ordering a 24-hour ambulatory monitor at this stage, but we have the machines available in our practice so I appreciate it might be different where you are. But certainly further readings and then tests are warranted.

Thank you so much for this. I didn’t mean to sound harsh on the GP at all obviously he’s my child and I want the best for him. We actually have a health centre so this may be an option, I’ll ask when ‘we’ 😂 go back.

OP posts:
BarneyRonson · 18/02/2025 23:36

Gosh it really really isn’t ‘humiliating’ to be supported by people that love you.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 18/02/2025 23:22

I hope you didn't go in the room with him. How humiliating!

Definitely let him take care of his own health. If he has the NHS app, he can look back on test results etc if he can't remember what he discussed.

BigDecisionWorthIt · 18/02/2025 23:21

Also as an extra, if you are looking through his supplements, look for bottles that say "for research purposes".

Stuff like that is known as SARMs. They aren't technically steroids in the traditional sense. They have been designed to mimic and act like steroids was. They are largely untested and a lot of the potential health issues of sustained or long term use have not been fully researched.

Example, like this. Have just had this come up on Facebook as a sponsored advert.

To think the GP should have believed this?
Lostworlds · 18/02/2025 23:06

I was diagnosed with high blood pressure at 18. I was a young, fit, healthy teenager. The gp obviously didn’t want to seem to concerned incase it worried me. They discussed white coat syndrome and asked me to monitor my blood pressure 3 times a day, always record twice and write down the second reading. I was encouraged to do it at different points of the day and to make sure I was sitting for 5 mins before I took the reading. Reminded me about sitting still, feet flat on the ground, palms up and no talking just to make sure my reading was accurate. The gp wasn’t dismissive, they booked a follow up phone consultation a week later. My blood pressure ranged from 135 - 160 over a week: some days were lower depending on when i was at home relaxing or when I went to the gym (sky high). A week later I was referred to cardiology and had lots of tests done really quickly. It was a cardiologist who found out I had heart disease and I’m on life long medication.

I think your gp was trying to downplay it as it is unusual for teenagers to have high blood pressure. I think it’s a good idea to run through everything he takes and what he does and work out when his blood pressure is the highest.

My mum went with me to every appointment. She checked my readings, Yes I was 18 and an adult but I was also so new to doing all the medical stuff on my own and also a teenager who would have just fobbed it off if she hadn’t pushed me to get it checked.

WindIsSwirlling · 18/02/2025 22:54

I think you need to show your son how the machine works (he should have picked up on this already) and put him in charge of his own health. You keep mentioning that “we made sure he was relaxed” etc etc etc but at the end of the day you were his mum taking his BP reading and that is not relalt a relaxing thing for most teens!! He’d have your worries to process as well - he’ll be trying to relax and deep breath with you all the whole likely thinking “arrrg mums worried I don’t want to worry her”. He’s not a young child in need of supervision. Give him the machine and explain when and how many readings he needs. By all means check his oth him how it’s going and ask if he’s okay sharing the results with you but actually DOING the test isn’t your role. He’s capable of doing solo and ensuring completely stress free by not having mummy hovering over him.

The GP hasn’t ignored your concerns. He just needs more at home readings. You do seem on the extreme side of anxious over it all. Obvioautl parents will always worry and be concerned to their child’s health no matter the child’s age but you have to teach him to be responsible for his own health. Whilst he is still relatively young yes provide guidance and discussion so he feels prepared for advocating for himself at next appointment but please let him have peace to take his own readings!

BalloonSlayer · 18/02/2025 22:53

I think it's fairly normal that they do this. I had a 50+ medical and it seemed obvious to me that they were determined to find nothing wrong with me so there was nothing they'd have to follow up (not that I thought there was anything wrong but she measured my waist as a lot smaller than it was, for instance, it's possible she had the tape measure the wrong way round, but still). The last thing they measured was my blood pressure. It was high. Took it three more times. It was high. Told me to sit down. It was high. Told me to relax. It was high.

Got me to come back in two weeks to have it checked again. It was high.

Got me to.come back in another 2 weeks. It was high.

Got me to wear a 24 hour trace. It was high.

THEN I got some medication.

After a couple of years I noticed that the checks I did at home had started to show as high. I had to start the whole rigmarole again to get the medication increased.

AppropriateAdult · 18/02/2025 22:52

I'm a GP, OP; I think several posters here would be stunned at the number of young men, well into their 20s, who bring their mother to their consultation 😁 It's not at all unusual.

I can understand your frustration at this issue not being addressed 2 years ago when it first came to light, but it sounds like the doctor is taking the right steps now. And it absolutely is an issue - high blood pressure is quite rare in an 18yo, so when it does happen it's much more likely to be due to an underlying cause (what we call secondary hypertension) than it would be in someone who was 58, say. So if it is confirmed, he'll need tests for underlying causes as well as end-organ damage.

If your son was my patient I would be ordering a 24-hour ambulatory monitor at this stage, but we have the machines available in our practice so I appreciate it might be different where you are. But certainly further readings and then tests are warranted.

CaptainBeanThief · 18/02/2025 22:48

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:42

No, I think he will if the weeks readings are still high, I’m not angry at our treatment as such more that it seems odd that a GP would be so incredulous at high BP in a teen, it can’t be that rare.

Show quote history

I do definitely think he should be referring for extra testing/ bloods as this isn't the first instance of high BP. Hope DS is ok.

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:42

CaptainBeanThief · 18/02/2025 22:11

Hmm,
Id be inclined to say that reading isn't "bad" as his diastolic numbers are pretty much bang on "perfect" and they are the ones that doctors are more concerned with, yes, his systolic are raised however, I'm not surprised with you checking it over and over again.

Did GP suggest any other tests i.e. 24 hour/urine test?

No, I think he will if the weeks readings are still high, I’m not angry at our treatment as such more that it seems odd that a GP would be so incredulous at high BP in a teen, it can’t be that rare.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:40

Nat6999 · 18/02/2025 22:34

I'm surprised he didn't want blood tests to check his Kidneys & cholesterol. High BP in an 18 year old is worrying, my brother has been on BP medication since he was about 20.

Yeah you would think maybe a set of bloods might have been requested but I will do the monitoring and see what happens after that.

OP posts:
AzureLurker · 18/02/2025 22:35

Caffeine doesn't raise blood pressure, it's a diuretic so makes you wee and subsequently diuretics can be used to treat high blood pressure by lowering blood fluid volume. Salt does raise blood pressure however as it increases water in the blood so your body can cope. Teens commonly get 9g a day when the recommended intake is 6g max. Might be worth looking at diet if just to rule out the salt. Some medicines also count towards sodium intake.

Nat6999 · 18/02/2025 22:34

I'm surprised he didn't want blood tests to check his Kidneys & cholesterol. High BP in an 18 year old is worrying, my brother has been on BP medication since he was about 20.

Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:30

MyrtleLion · 18/02/2025 22:09

The side effects of anabolic steroid misuse for men are as follows:

Effects of anabolic steroids in men can include:

So if he is using them, he may want to think about this.

This is good thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:29

OogieBoogiO · 18/02/2025 22:06

Just wanted to say I think you’re doing the best you can with the information you have. I think the next interaction with healthcare will be the telling one.

I do know how it feels when doctors are dismissive even if they are statistically accurate. I have a genetic food intolerance and the doctor didn’t want to investigate my son because children “don’t usually show symptoms of x under the age of x”. A comment like that is enough for one to not feel comfortable pushing the matter - but your conscience is telling you you’re letting your child down. Because it’s not ANY child, it’s a child with higher likelihood.

Thats why I think this is an important question for you. You want to know if you should go into next exam situation ready to “push” things, or let things go.

Wishing you the best!

Thank you.

OP posts: