To not constantly be worrying about my children?

Didn't have a monitor and tried to rear face as long as possible (but didn't really work in one of our vehicles and didn't stress about that) but am in general massively anxious about them which I try not to show to limit the impact on them. Also wouldn't admit it in conversation as I think people would think I am weird. I think it probably comes from the time my first were hospitalised as a really young baby which was really stressful when it took a while to figure out what was wrong and if anything could be done

It’s not just the parents passing on their anxieties to their child that cause damage- the worst type is the parent who takes on their child’s normal childhood anxieties and makes them bigger than they are. These are the most damaging parents- the ones that teach their children that they are right to be scared of swimming carnivals, sports days, cross countries, school plays and school camps. Their nervousness needs to be validated and turned into fear. They can skip these things- what does it really matter?

Well, it really, really matters. Barring complex SEN, every time you let your child skip something that makes them uncomfortable, you chip away a sense of their self belief. Almost every one hates cross country day but the feeling of relief a child receives when it’s over and done with and the realisation that they did something that was hard and unpleasant but nothing bad actually happened is worth its weight in gold for a child.

Every school refusing teen I know skipped out on the above things. Some of them had SEN and legitimate reasons not related to parental anxiety but a lot are perfectly normal kids who have been stunted by their parents (usually the mother).

So why am I made to feel like an unfit mother? And AIBU to think that upholding anxiety as the sign of a truly caring parent is actually toxic as hell?

It's good you are chill about your kids but why are you so worried about what other people think.

Of course you’re not unreasonable, I am actively unwell with anxiety and postpartum OCD and I am desperate to live the way you do. It is truly exhausting and debilitating.

I do think YABU about rear facing car seats though, that’s not an anxiety related issue. The supporting evidence is overwhelming.

I asked how old because if they are very small then you've still got a long way to go, car seats and baby monitors will likely become the very least of your worries.

You're right that worrying won't get you anywhere, but that won't necessarily stop it from happening.

Sorry? Assure you I am not medal hunting - my point was done we all have some things we are more anxious/stress about and some things that we are chilled about

I’ve noticed that there are a lot of parents that are led by anxiety. Which means you make irrational decisions for your children. I guess it’s a reflection of the rise in mental health problems

What a peculiar humble brag post. Not a regular mom, cool mom vibes from OP. I would say you do you, there’s plenty to genuinely worry about in our current world, if you choose not to focus on some things knock yourself out! Not sure parents saying they couldn’t choose a car seat proven to be less safe is about anxiety so much as research, facts and risk/benefit analysis.

Are you believing stuff you read on social media is that the issue? I don’t know any anxious parents in real life, but I expect I’d find a few if I was on Facebook.

That’s just science not anxiety.

What a weird rant. Rear facing and baby monitors?

I see what you mean, but if I heard someone suggesting that great anxiety indicates great love, I wouldn't feel pressured by it because I know they are mistaken!

Yep mental illness is exhausting mate.

Awwww that’s so cute that you can “save” your anxiety! Why don’t you ring the NHS tomorrow and tell them to tell all their patients that you’ve found the cure and people need to just save their anxiety and everything will be ok!

You sound far more sensible than most posters on MN, and it's far more healthy for your children to be raised that way. Well done.

There you go @DryIce, there's the 🥇you were looking for.

Who is 'making' you feel like that, OP? It's up to you who you take notice of.
Have to say, I agree about ponds which can be deadly for small children, even the shallow ones.

I feel like this is one of those things where a lot of people think they themselves strike a good balance between relaxed and concerned - anyone less worried is too laid back, and anyone more is uptight and anxious.

I have been called a chilled parent, I never bothered with monitors, nap schedules, stair gates, child proofing, had no guilt about working and using nursery, will now (early primary) let them walk down the road to e.g. a friends alone.

I did, however, rear face for ages, follow safe sleeping guidelines, was very strict about television and am very alert around the water.

I imagine everyone has some things they are more hot on? Possibly if you'd seen me on action from first list you'd consider me relaxed, but if at a public pool anxious.

i know I’m not a bad mother; if you read that into my post then, well, it isn’t there.

Yep, that's why it's false - "faux". The thread title is literally "Am I being Unreasonable to not constantly be worrying about my children?" and you then said you were made to feel like an unfit mother... but if you don't feel like one after all, that's great 👌It is as I thought - you've just started this thread to look down your nose a bit at anxious parents.

I never worried excessively about my kids. They were happy and balanced children... now they are grown up and it's not so easy to be confident and unworried as a parent when they start changing gender, having inappropriate partners, getting into abusive work situations which they don't have the strength to extract themselves from, becoming severely underweight, etc.

I didn’t say there isn’t just that some people like looking for if so they can complain about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wish i was a relaxed parent. I’m not (although I’ve got better) but that’s because I’m a generally anxious person and always have been. I would never make someone feel like a toxic mum for not being anxious. If anything, I would aspire to be more like them.