Child Invited To Birthday Party Parents Expected To Pay

I’m genuinely sick of parties!

Here are the problems:

• Years ago, a few friends were collected after school by the hosting parent, with a few family members/friends to help. They’d play a few games, eat some simple party food & cake. All get collected at the end. They’d be school aged, overall well behaved, etc.
• Nowadays, I think parents daren’t host at home because they aren’t trusted to just have the children/don’t trust how the children will behave/don’t really have the space, time, money or inclination to also squash all the parents and uninvited siblings in, who you then feel obliged to offer drinks etc to.
• So then people turn to pricey venues. Let’s be honest, these are increasing in price by the month it feels like! I recently received a quote for a magician for 40 mins for £240! Most soft plays/gym/climbing are around £250 or more. This then makes the host far more stressed about total numbers of guests, but also some of these venues are harder to drop off at (I agree that soft places feel less safe than a private party), and some parents genuinely have nobody to leave siblings with. I think a lot of people are genuinely confused about who’s responsibility it is to pay for what.
• I believe some venues are charging for adults to discourage both adults staying, I think they ideally want 1 adult per 1 invited guest, which is easier for some families than others. Let’s be honest, these venues make enough money out of the parties, it’s not for the adults, who will be likely paying almost a fiver for a horrible tea/coffee anyway!
• Personally, I’m hoping I can get away with either 5 friends to the house or a drop off private venue party (in Sept start of Year 2), but I genuinely think whatever I suggest someone will have a problem with it 😂

It’s all got too complicated and expensive hasn’t it really?! 😅

I miss the 1990s!

You are 100% correct that the children behave better, spot on.

I love having my son’s friends over after school for a play and dinner without their parents, they are so much better behaved. Desperate for parties to start being drop off!

It is if they then encourage the uninvited child to join in with the food and come over at the end expecting a party bag. I’ve had this happen- extremely awkward as I only do party bags for the invited guests, certainly not uninvited siblings where the parent never even let me know they were bringing them. Hugely respected the parents who did keep them entirely separate from the party.

I mean, I'd recognise some of them. There's probably about 15 that have either been over for playdates, or I socialise a bit with the parents, or I know the kids and parents enough to say hello at drop-off/pickup. But there are 60 kids in his year. I'm at the school gates for about 45 seconds in the morning to give him a quick hug and make sure he goes in the door, and maybe 2 or 3 minutes waiting in the afternoon for him to come out. In those short snippets of time I haven't memorised the faces of all the other kids that are walking by with their parents 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh really! Any venue which accepts children have stringent safeguarding in place but usually it's people , other mums, friends, who are organising these parties with plenty of adults around. And everyone knows never to take a child into the toilet 1to21 dont' they??

Not bothered about the money but who is being paid here? Offsetting the cost of the venue?

But the school is safeguarded with teachers trained and payed to look after a group of kids, a party at a soft play is completely different.

I started with YANBU but then read its to pay for the parents to get access so your being unreasonable. I personally paid for my child’s friends parents but that cost £60 (£4 per adult) but then the party on top which was £350 so some people might not be able to stretch to the adults. Just pay and move on

did they specifically say parents must stay? we’ve hosted and attended parties for that age group and all were drop off

Maybe they can’t afford it but would like a get together. Pay and go or don’t if you don’t want to pay which is fair enough.

It's your choice whether you stay or go, so YABU

Not in a million years would I leave my 5 year old at a soft play party. Not unless I had an arrangement with a parent friend who was going to stay and look out for my child. I am stunned at those who would drop and run at a soft play we have been told is large. If your child gets hurt, sick, upset, lost, taken, who's responsible for that? The party parent who is trying to run the party or one of the other parents who are also looking after their own child? Actually, imagine if all parents dropped and ran? Potentially you could have 1/2/3 adults only. Insane!!
Staying at parties and supervising your own child is called parenting and I am happy to do it and happy to pay for myself. I actually hate soft play but no way on earth would I leave my child there.

Isn’t it a few quid? Presuming all the kids can’t be supervised so need more adults and I’d want to stay with a 5 year old anyway it’s not exactly much in my opinion

Pay to just sit there? Don't think so.
Why do parents have to stay anyway? Parents don't stay all day at school with 4, 5, 6year olds do they?

What's wrong with you??! Wanting to stay for your 5 year old child does not make you a helicopter parent! I would be happy to pay for myself.

I'm the parent dropping off my kid with a cheery "see you later" 😂. Mine would have been mortified if I'd stayed, even at five or six. I think asking people to pay for supervising adults at soft play is appalling anyway.

@crosskeysgreen some children go breakfast and after school clubs. There are some children in my year 3's class who I barely know. Might have seen them at sports day etc but never at drop off and pick up as they're not there at the same time.

From age 5 where I live everyone drops and goes. Totally normal.

I’m certainly lacking your penchant for hysteria and hyperbole.

You don't recognise the kids he goes to school with everything single day?

That's weird.

Are you just lacking?

Good for them 👏

I never had to pay for soft play as an adult when I stayed when my kids are invited to a birthday party at one of these establishment. I will buy my own drink as I don't expect the parents to pay for it. I never heard of a soft play asking adult to pay, only the children got charged.

I have three children born in mid nineties early 2000 . It was unheard of staying at a children’s party. Drop off and run was the normal thing.
I can only remember 1 child having her Mother staying.
It really was unusual hence the reason I can remember!!
So I personally think it is very strange ,staying,when your child goes to school .
Children need to learn to trust other adults and it’s up to the parents to instill that other adults are responsible and caring.
I never considered parents as a concern and can honestly say there was never an incident that questioned my judgment .
My children are all fully functioning successful adults 🤷‍♀️
edited We always had friends,grandparents etc as helpers and in my experience children were always better behaved/ relaxed without parents there .

Also, do parents even know who their kids' friends are at that age? My DS gives me a list of children's names to invite, but I wouldn't be able to pick their faces out of a line-up, and I'm confident the same is true of other parents in his class. So, if I just dumped him in the soft play with the rest of his classmates, there is absolutely no way that the party child's parents would know who he is, or that they needed to intervene if he's being beaten up / has an asthma attack / leaves with some other family!