To ask my pharmacist to use my actual title on my medicine

@MissScarletInTheBallroom You're very wrong in your sweeping judgement as far as I'm concerned, and most of my friends. I became a Mrs when I got married and it had nothing to do with it being 'a badge of pride'. I totally accept that a proportion of women choose not to change their name on marriage and fortunately we live in a country where people have the freedom of choice. I have no views whatsoever on the right or wrongs of using the title Ms, Mrs, or Miss - it is every woman's right to use whatever title she chooses and it is not for anyone to pass judgement on their choice. However, when a woman makes a choice about her title, it is then extremely rude for anyone who is aware of her choice not address her by a different title, and I feel it is just as rude as getting any other part of someone's name wrong. I have always been meticulous in checking how people I work with wish to be addressed and expect the same courtesy in return. It's nothing to do with feminism, it's just basic manners. And just because someone is a woman, it really doesn't make them a feminist.

In my experience these are the same women who also tell women who haven't changed their names on marriage that they are making a fuss over nothing when people refer to them as Mrs Husbandsname (which shows up the "it's only a title, they're not getting her name wrong" argument for what it is).

They are invariably women who gleefully shed their birth names and took their husband's name as a badge of pride the moment they got married, often without even thinking for a nanosecond about the alternative, and now feel personally judged by women who choose to do differently for feminist reasons, and can't bring themselves to respect that choice.

But the "Ms" thing seems to invoke particular rage. Unmarried women who use Ms should know their place and use Miss, which is apparently the correct title for an unmarried woman of any age (even if it makes her feel about 12), and married women who use Ms are actively rejecting the belief system that they have wholeheartedly bought into, which is even worse.

Well, sorry, but I'm not about to make what I consider to be an unfeminist choice about my own name just to make you feel more secure in having made that choice.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The comments you deny making LovelyLeitrim.

Yours are in bold- couple of responses in italics.

The pharmacy is not the hill to die on

Like where? Genuine question.

Something a teeny bit more important than a pharmacist you see now and then?

Yeah possible that nice a month, ie now and then.

Sorry this makes no sense - where are the important places according to you we can correct your details without it being a fuss?

But you’re now saying I’m not a woman because of that?

Please point to where I said that? I did not.

I'll go back and find the posts you're denying

When I said earlier that a woman using 'Ms' makes some posters lose the run of themselves, I wasn't expecting such a prompt and agitated example.

I’ve got a different opinion to you, that’s fine, surely?

But you’re now saying I’m not a woman because of that?

You’re not prepared to prove yourself right by showing the posts you accuse me of.

Shameful really!

I will leave this now on this post, but you’re an utter disgrace to think you’re right.

Im glad that the 78% agree that the OP YBU.

It's not.

There's no point in engaging with you. It's ridiculous to deny you said Ms was pretentious because you merely agreed with a previous post saying it was pretentious.

I'm not going to trawl back through your posts from the point you started saying querying the mistake at the dentist was unreasonable but it might be reasonable on other occasions. You know perfectly well you said it and several posters responded to it.

Actually, I'm with @Ihavealwayslivedinacastle on this (including that you did claim that anyone who uses Ms is pretentious). Why are you claiming that all 22% of posters are bullies? I voted YANBU too so am one of the 22% you refer to... why does that make me a bully?!

Actually the majority of that is bullshit!

please do show where you think I’ve posted all that?

I agreed with a poster that said it was pretentious!

I replied to a poster that started the “hun” narrative!

I don’t need to come clean about the “Mrs” narrative, it doesn’t bother me!

Now please go join your 22% bullies and leave me to be happy in my own decisions?

Is that ok?

Agreed. The proportion who agree/disagree with the OP is a snapshot of the attitudes of a certain cross-section of society at a certain point in time.

Many of the children I teach have a really good understanding too. We discuss titles / honorifics with pupils in Year 7 when they start Secondary School, and they learn quite quickly. I do think the next generation will be very different.

I have only ever said I think the argument with the pharmacist is not required.

Please point out where I’ve said it’s not acceptable to say I want Miss or Ms.

You said a lot more than, including that anyone using "Ms" is pretentious and some sort of nonsense sliding scale about when it might be acceptable to correct a mistake. You had no comment on why "Ms" is pretentious, yet the other titles aren't.

You "don't care" to even engage your brain to think about the reason men get one neutral choice, yet women get 3, all of which are loaded to one degree or another.

I prefer posters who come clean out and say they want to use Mrs because they're proud to be married/ proud to be someone's wife ; or even worse that they think being a Mrs is a better status than being a Miss or a Ms.

I don't agree with that but at least it makes sense and they've applied more thought to it than "I don't care hun"

Why do say that?
I have only ever said I think the argument with the pharmacist is not required.

Please point out where I’ve said it’s not acceptable to say I want Miss or Ms.

So fucking nasty of you, to discredit me as a woman fora different opinion.

Shame on you.

Yes, I thought that too. I wonder if that poster is really a woman. She doesn’t seem to like them much, with her mocking and immature style. Perhaps she is one of those women who proudly proclaims to prefer men to women as friends, who knows.

Yes. Many threads make me despair. Especially when so many of the posters are parents. My teenage son and daughter understand about sexism, misogyny and the role of feminism far better than many posters on Mumsnet. I find it depressing.

Some people consider the majority opinion as being the ‘correct’ opinion. It is definitely not always the case. For example, many women think cat-calling and wolf whistling are amusing and acceptable. I disagree.

Genuinely one of the reasons I slogged away for 6 years 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Honestly, I'm almost tempted to do a PhD for exactly this reason, haha.

I remember being on a train once, travelling to my home town. There was a group of people next to me talking about a teacher from the local primary school, who had just retired after 30 years. I knew it was her because she had an incredibly unusual surname.

Anyway, this oaf of a man, who was clearly no catch himself, said, "I always thought it was a shame that Miss Banana never married. She deserved to be a Mrs, not a Miss. And that old cow Mrs Apple, she should have been a Miss, not a Mrs."

If I'd been quicker off the mark, I'd have called him out on it and said something like, "Don't feel bad for her, at least she didn't marry a wanker like you." But in the moment I was just too gobsmacked.

I wonder whether he also speculates about the marital status of Ms Blueberry and says she's probably a lesbian who doesn't shave her armpits.

Yeh I full agree that it is hierarchical in a sense - like Mrs is something to 'achieve" and we are therefore labelling by marital status (with heavy emphasis on status!). Mind you, people think I use Dr to signify status, although actually, my main reason for using Dr is to avoid the Mrs/Miss/Ms madness!

Given the posters who have been rude to the OP, derided or mocked her (you incl) do you really think that makes you sound angst free? 😂 You've done hsterics and the anger trope now - you're really hitting the misogyny bingo got something you apparently done care about

So do I, BUT if women choose to call themselves Mrs, then that's their choice and that's fine. As long as I'm not forced to be called Mrs myself!

I don't know, I think there were times in the past where women were less likely to change their names on marriage, for example, and then the trend started shifting back towards the patriarchal/conservative again.

Ultimately, having multiple titles for women is hierarchical. It pits women against each other by giving them higher or lower status, and that status is based on whether we have got a man to marry us or not. And many women who do understand this nevertheless embrace it when they marry, because calling themselves Mrs is a sign that they have got to the top of the hierarchy.