Was I weird saying no to Dd to go in baby’s garden

That’s too much work for OP it seems 🤷‍♀️
Everyone is telling her to parent her child, but all OP keeps doing is blaming the neighbour 🤷‍♀️
I think we’re all wasting our time here.

If DD doesn't have siblings around her own age to play with, she's going to spend a lot of time playing with other children away from home, and you're going to find yourself constantly hosting a lot of her friends. You are going to get to know a lot of other parents as a result, and you'll need to chat with these people.
If you have a mental block about your child developing a social life and sincerely feel it's incomprehensible or hurtful to you that she would enjoy the company of others in preference to yours, I encourage you to maybe do some counseling. Don't let your own insecurities hold your child back socially.

I agree with this because, to be honest, you are giving the impression here OP, that you'd rather avoid the neighbours if at all possible and would prefer to remain in a small family bubble. That's not fair on your dd though. It's normal for her to want to spend time with others, especially children.

Just say to the neighbour, "Are you sure it's ok?" and if she's positive it's ok, tell her you'll come and retrieve DD in an hour. Turn up in an hour and bring her home. She'll get some good practice in leaving when asked to and politely saying 'goodbye and thank you for having me'.

You'd better have something nice lined up for DD to do with you when you get her home though, or she'll quickly realise that you're just playing keepaway with the neighbour, or she'll think you're being weird or pulling rank just for the heck of it.

If DD doesn't have siblings around her own age to play with, she's going to spend a lot of time playing with other children away from home, and you're going to find yourself constantly hosting a lot of her friends. You are going to get to know a lot of other parents as a result, and you'll need to chat with these people.

If you have a mental block about your child developing a social life and sincerely feel it's incomprehensible or hurtful to you that she would enjoy the company of others in preference to yours, I encourage you to maybe do some counseling. Don't let your own insecurities hold your child back socially.

Oh I live by this too. I keep this to other areas of my life. I'm friendly but not friends with my kids friends parents too, colleagues as well. I always imagine the fallout and have seen the effects of others who went through it. Works well for me.

Is the shouting over the back fence?

Stop it.

Explain to DD that back gardens are private space to relax and spend time with their family and not to shout at neighbours. Chatting on the front is fine and friendly.

If DD start chatting take her inside. Gradually she'll stop. Tell neighbour sorry to disturb and take DD away.

Parent your child.

If she's spending too much time at neighbours set a time limit. Collect your child. If the kids are at yours set a time limit and send them home.

You need to be the adult here.

You're Not being strange. Watch your child like s Hawk. Dont let them out of your sight. Strange things happen to children when parents arnt around . Nurture your child into adulthood so that they grow up well adjusted from not seeing or hearing anything weird. Have the mindset ' No one can be trusted around my child' is a good plan. Then you will sleep at night . So many weirdos out there. Who knows where they come from.

No one on this thread has said that she has to go over there every day.

If you've told your neighbour she can visit occasionally, then the neighbour maybe isn't clear on what that means, so you have to speak to her again and outline what you're happy with. You and the neighbour have to be on the same page, and you won't be if you don't communicate your wishes. Be friendly but clear. If you're vague, you're setting everyone up to be frustrated. Work on getting your dd to listen to you and respect what you say. Once you've chatted to your neighbour and she knows what's acceptable to you she'll be able to say no to your dd, if your dd asks to visit, as she'll know it won't be an ok time for you. Teach your dd that it's impolite to ask, that she should wait to be invited.

Just say no. Get a grip!

Imagine, some people actually love their kids!!!! Not you, obviously...

But why didn't you go out and speak to the mother? As a pp has said, set boundaries, explain what you need to happen so she'll get on board. How is she supposed to know what suits you when you won't even step outside to have a few minutes friendly conversation with her over the fence, when she's kindly invited your dd over? I don't know why you're so annoyed with her, when you haven't explained anything to her.

Like @PurpleThistle7 I'm wondering why you have such an issue with your dd visiting if she's home alone with you. @mathanxiety made some excellent points last night as to why it's great for your dd to socialise with different people and children of different ages.

You said earlier that you told your dd she couldn't visit today but she ignored you and went to ask the neighbour anyway if she could come over. So you shouldn't be so annoyed at the neighbour, it's your dd that's not paying attention to you, that combined with your reluctance to even speak with the neighbour for a few minutes is causing this issue.

Your neighbour probably didn’t know you had said no so was possibly worried that something had happened the evening before and that’s why she wasn’t allowed to go. Nothing wrong with asking.
Grow a backbone op and stop letting people dictate to you. Tell your daughter firmly that once a week means once a week and that if she moans and goes behind your back (because that’s what she did) she won’t be going anywhere for a few days. Have consequences.
All you had to do was go around to the woman’s house when she first went over and said at the door (no need to go in) “very kind of you to invite X over, please could you send her home in half hour though”. Set your boundaries.
Just tell your neighbour that DD has so many friends and she’s out a lot so you have to limit the time she is at each so she spends enough time at home with family.
Its not hard and it’s not a big deal
Dont make such a drama out of it

Do you know what your issue is with her going over there to play though? If you aren't playing with her and she's just playing outside by herself, what's different about her playing with a neighbour for a bit? Is it just the going into the house that bothers you?

Obviously your kid, your rules though and your daughter needs to learn. Maybe a visual chart would be helpful for her? You could mark out times that she needs to be by herself and times that she's allowed to hang out with the neighbours in whatever balance you prefer? My son knows he can't play out until his chores are done and he needs to be home for meals and such - we have a family calendar up so he can see what's happening on the weekends so he knows when we are busy... can be really useful to get us all on the same page.

You are going to have to speak to the woman next time and say thanks for the invite which is kind but that you don't allow her to go over to other people's homes like this.
Then be clear with your dd that it won't be happening and she is to stop asking.

Again, we are all saying, you need to parent your child. Forget how annoying it is, stop blaming others, focus on your child.

You're going to have to speak up OP. Next time, follow her out and tell the neighbour that you would appreciate her not undermining you and that she's not there to keep her kid occupied. Have the row.

Then tell your child that she's not to ask to go over again.

Be a parent.

You don't know them, so of course it's not weird.

That’s a DD/parenting issue and you’re trying to blame the neighbour.

She’s trying to get what she wants by dragging neighbour into it because you said no and she has no respect for that so is finding a way to try force your hand.

But you haven’t. Your dd is not listening to you, she’s still trying to go to the neighbour, she’s still telling neighbour what you say, and you’re still here whingeing about the neighbour 🤷‍♀️

Agree it's awful she's undermining you instead of just saying "oh well never mind maybe next time!"

Where are you based, don't think you said? Just trying to guage whether this is a cultural issue or a personality issue.

For example, my cousin is from Ukraine and she was aghast that we regularly say no to our toddler because apparently in Ukraine you're "not allowed" to say no to children...? Not sure if she was pulling my leg but just highlighting that if it's a cultural issue then if DD is exposed to that kind of attitude outside of the home then OP has a double battle to parent her in the face of a strong willed sociable child backed by an enabling society!