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Original poster

To end friendship because I can't stand her husband?

104 replies

DefrostedAccount · 18/02/2025 11:33

I have a mum friend who I get on with well, but I just cannot stand her husband. He makes me feel uncomfortable, makes my family feel uncomfortable, my friend who met him said she was uncomfortable around him. He's just so odd. Creepy almost. He's always there and I just always feel like I can't be myself. When I do spend time with her on her own it's lovely but it's not very often. I can't exactly say to her 'sorry I don't want to spend time with your DH, can we only spend time together just us', or can I? I know her well enough that that would go down like a lead balloon. Has anyone else had a similar scenario? Feel like cutting ties, and the kids are all in the same friendship group so could just limit it to hanging out with her at birthday parties and group events.... thoughts?

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 18/02/2025 11:42

Does he work, could you suggest meeting after school when he's out. I also think it sounds like he's controlling and wants to cut her off from friends so you need to stay friends in case she asks for support when she's ready.

toomuchfaff · 18/02/2025 11:42

sorry I don't want to spend time with your DH, can we only spend time together just us'

This is exactly what you say

Likely he's doing it purposefully to segregate her as mentioned above, she probably needs friends more than ever.

However you have to protect your own peace, she may not accept her DH is a problem, she may not accept or offer time alone, in that case I'd make it clear that I'll always be available if she needs me, but I don't want to interact with her DH.

GrandpaFlump · 18/02/2025 11:41

Yes! About twenty years ago.
She was lovely, our sons were born within days of each other and were both very gentle, sensitive boys who played really well together.
I loved her company, but her creepy husband was always around, very loud, mocked my slight Yorkshire accent (would put on a really bad, strong accent and thought he was hilarious), commented on my weight and was generally a nasty twat.
I got to a point where I stopped going round as I hated him so much. I messaged her still but it fizzled out.
I heard similar from others about him. I’ve often hoped that she was able to find a friend who her old husband didn’t scare away!
I heard after about 15 years that they split, and I was so very pleased for her.

NewHeaven · 18/02/2025 11:39

It sounds like he's doing it on purpose to isolate her from her friends so they will eventually drop her. Keep in touch with her as she may need friends if her marriage is abusive. Even if it's a quick coffee after drop off or play date at the park, be present in her life if only from a distance. You don't have to visit her in her home if it makes you uncomfortable.