To end friendship because I can't stand her husband?

Try to see her without the kids or husband so it’s not a play date where the husband can stand in for her.

Send her a text tonight and invite her to something just the two of you and see what happens. If she declines or cancels unless she has anxiety she just doesn’t seem to want to be friends and seems to see you as play date cover to get some time alone.

one of my friendships ended because the husband was an arsehole. She met him, it was very clear he was controlling and her whole personality changed. When I questioned it, she cut me off.
i was sad at first and worried for her but im actually so glad I don’t have to see him anymore or be drawn into the drama.
If you can’t see your friend without her husband, maybe distance yourself. Go with your gut.

I cut ties with my cousin because her husband was so rude and just generally horrible to people. He thought it funny and witty to insult people. I asked my cousin why she put up with it and she confessed it was because of the money- he had a well paid job and indulged her. The last straw was when our uncle, a really lovely and kind man, invited us all round for dinner. Cousin's husband insulted the house and the area and it was so uncomfortable and so rude to my uncle that I decided enough was enough. We used to be good friends but I don't bother contacting her now and she doesn't contact me.

She isn’t your friend, she’s just a parent of your DCs friend.

If you want to spend time with her you need to ask her to come and see new Bridget Jones with you/go for coffee/lunch/yoga.

I dont understand this. You don't have to spend time with her husband.
She is your friend, not him.
Just see her without him.

Do you want to be friends with her or get on with her for kids ? If you want to be her friend do stuff without the children and see how it goes.

She seems to think the primary relationship is between the kids so it doesn't matter which adult brings them. Do you ever do things in the evening without the kids?

If he's the.default .parent he's more of a stay at home dad it probably just makes sense to them for him to come along or drop them off, sounds tricky though.

lol that is weird sending him on a play date in her place

@Coffeeishot Yep. Deeply odd bloke

Just meet up with her alone

If he's there, make excuses and leave

WHAT !

I have a friend whose husband was openly hostile to her friends, very condescending and superior. They married after university and have been together nearly 40 years now.
I strongly suspect he was instrumental in her not going back to work after a serious illness, and looking back, I think she would have been better off going back at least part time as she has quite a meagre pension now.
I kept in touch with her over the years, would meet up, always without him. From the very little she said about him he seems to be controlling (in charge of the finances, texting constantly when she met up with me).
I'm glad I kept in touch. Recently she has opened up a bit and it's not good. He's dismissive of her disability that developed some years ago, and can't seem to understand that a chronic condition cannot be magically cured. She said to me earlier this year that she really appreciates my friendship - I'm the only one from our student days who has kept in touch.

@purplecorkheart That is so intrusive! I would have had to say something if anyone was butting in during a personal service, let alone a creepy man!

I’ve never had a friendship with a friend’s partner is always hanging around like a spare wheel. Doesn’t he understand the concept of giving her space? Privacy? Time with her friends who don’t want to entertain him as well? He sounds weird. I just wouldn’t meet where he’ll be there. If he’s tagging along to neutral venues (eg not just appearing at home where he’s entitled to be) then I’d actually have words with the friend and also with him along the lines of ‘we’d like to have some time together as friends. Can you busy yourself?’

Yeah, i have a friend (not close) whose husband i cannot bear. He's a creep and I've heard very unpleasant things. He doesn't treat her very well imo- it's hard to see/hear.

Many years ago a friend divorced her husband with whom she had two small children and married a control freak. He isolated her from her friends, nailed the kids soft toys to their bedroom walls and ended up kidnapping her parents. I told her before all this happened that there was something about him I didn’t like but she dug her heels in. They finally divorced after he ran out of the house pissed with her baby and sped off in the car with him. There’s none so blind as those that don’t want to see.

In what world is a husband always present?

Does he not work? Do you only visit when he’s home? Does he tag along to coffees?

Do none of you work?

When you say he’s ’always there’ do you mean that he’s always there at her house? Or do you mean that if you called her up and said ‘Do you fancy meeting up for lunch on Wednesday?’ or ‘Shall we meet for a quick drink after work next week?’ he would automatically come with her?

One of my friend's married a creepy bloke. He was really gaunt and his skin was grey. I was a concerned that he was seriously ill and they just hadn't told anyone. No, that was just his normal self.

I stayed with them once and he was always looking at me and made those 'MMmmm' sex noises when he was eating. There was no TV or music on that might disguise it. I endured this gross sound track that sounded like a 70s porn film. Grim 😳

I had a friend who I got along really well with. However, her dh was horrible, moody, very sarcastic (according to him, he was witty) and neither me nor dh could stand him. We used to go out as a foursome but it was so awful sitting there whilst he belittled her that we couldn't take it any more. After making excuses a few times about why the four of us couldn't meet up, I'd had enough and asked her if just the two of us could meet up in future. I made some excuse about how we could have a really good chat, do what we wanted etc without the men being there. Surprisingly, she immediately agreed and 15 years later we still meet up regularly, just the two of us. I always politely ask about her dh but never suggest him accompanying her and she never asks. He probably felt the same about me and dh as we were so very different to him. I think she knows what he's like as she tells me about people he doesn't get along with and apparently she couldn't stand him when they first met. I'm so glad we kept our friendship, after all, it was just her that I got on so well with in the first place.

If I was meeting a friend with DC and my DH wasn't coming and I wouldn't expect my friend to bring their DH. Similarly if they were coming to our house I'd expect them not to bring their DH unless mine was going to be home.

Can you just say, I wasn't going to bring DH and was thinking maybe just you and I could catch up with the DC? It changed the dynamics of one of us brings our husband. If the friendship wanes so be it.

I know someone like this, they are not a close friend.

Gosh how creepy.