Should you wait until you’re in love before getting into a relationship ?

I’m 57 and I was thinking the same as you

Agree there is no timetable, some people date people and never fall in love but by that time they have fallen in to a serious relationship or something like an unplanned pregnancy occurs.

l have had 4 BF in my life, married 25 year now. I had some love for all of them but really being totally in love has only happened with two of them. The two I had not quite the real deal with both lasted for a year.

I agree with him, I think this kind of ‘love’ he might mean takes time to build. Fancying someone, loving them, starting an exclusive relationship happens earlier.

You don't need to wait to feel 'in love' before you commit to a proper relationship with someone. That would be weird. But if you don't feel in love after a while - a year is a good benchmark but may be a lot shorter - it's probably not worth continuing the relationship.

I’m so glad I’m out of the dating game. Modern dating sounds absolutely shit.

I think I agree with him, everybody has their own internal clock obviously but I don’t think you can really truly “love” someone only a handful of months after meeting them- lust yes, like yes, even really like, enjoy spending time with etc, but true real love? No. You really don’t know them well enough.

You’re both approaching this weirdly, in my opinion.

Loving someone and being in love with them, assuming you’re both choosing to be in a relationship together, is the same thing. He’s begging bogged down in semantics.

However I wouldn’t expect to be in love with someone before getting into a relationship with them- all the relationships I’ve had, we’ve made it official/had the convo before we’ve said I love you.

Being “in love” is a temporary state anyway. It’s love that lasts. “I love them but I’m not in love with them any more” is often the excuse people give for cheating.

loving has different stages and getting into a relationship means building up to being in love

He's absolutely right about this. I've been with DP for 12 years and I think it was only around the two-year mark that I thought, wow, this is it, this is what love is. But then I think the best kind of love is when it's calm and easy, not when it's passionate and head over heels (a feeling I don't much like).

Before that it was very much a step by step, I'm enjoying this so let's see where it takes me kind of situation. For the first six months I assumed it'd be a short-term fling but I never stopped enjoying it.

Never trust anyone who says they're deeply in love with you before six months. They barely know you.

My word this is so over complicated. You don't need to love someone to go exclusive with them. And by refusing to go exclusive that likely means continuing to date other people.

I’m old school. From the first date you become girlfriend and boyfriend. Can’t be doing with this with this wait and see/exclusivity malarkey.

I agree that when you first start dating you may not love them, or be in love with them- it’s very much a ‘fancy them’ at that stage, and love grows as you get to know them etc, but the modern ways of dating does seem over complicated.

I mean my first thought is that one or both of you is making this more complicated than it needs to be!

You don't fall in love to a timetable - it either happens or not. You can't put it on an agenda and say if it has not happened by X date then that is it. And you cannot define "in love" - it feels different for each person.

He sounds a bit weird to me!

I think it's somewhere in the middle. I'd go into a 'relationship' with someone without being in love, but expect an 'I love you' sooner than a year!