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AIBU?

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Original poster

DM offering me a house.

56 replies

ThelittleBee · 18/02/2025 05:35

So I moved overseas some 10 years ago, and in that time my DM met her now DP and they decided to move in together. DM has asked me a couple of times about if I will be buying a place of my own, but I have explained to her that after footing the bill for mine and DH wedding last year and the country I reside in requiring a 20-25% deposit, that would not be happening any time soon. She then went on to tell me that since she has no mortgage any more, she will be selling her place to move into the new house that her DP purchased for them, and he will also be selling his. They jointly own the property but he paid for the majority of the mortgage on the new house which is also paid off directly. My DM then explained to me that her plan was to give me some off my nest egg early, basically the deposit I would need over here. It was a very generous and kind offer of her, and it would have a huge impact on where we will be in the future. Issue now is that my landlord has approached us about selling the property in the future, and asked if we would be interested in buying. We love our place, its the perfect first house for a small family, and the landlord is even happy to wait a couple of years if we wanted to rent to buy. This would be an amazing opportunity for us. The kicker is... that when I have mentioned this opportunity to my mum, she has congratulated us, expressed what an amazing opportunity it would be and has told us to go for it. I mentioned that we wouldnt have the 25% sadly and she said 'well I can help out a little when I get my stuff sorted' (as in finish moving in to new place ect). The problem is, with out it we simply don't have the deposit, not even half. This offer from her is the difference between a discussion happening and there being zero point even addressing the landlord with interest. I don't want to make her feel pressure about it, but I also am frightened to start agreeing to things I couldn't afford with out this 'early nest egg'. How do I broach it? Or do I just accept that although a lovely idea, some people can say things in the moment which were never going to happen?

OP posts:
discdiscsnap · 18/02/2025 06:06

So your mum said when she sells her house she will give you the money you need for a deposit?

I don't see the issue ypu wait unto she sells her house.

Silvertulips · 18/02/2025 06:04

Why are you spending on a wedding when you need a home? I have seen ‘deposit’ money being spend on weddings rather than future proofing your home.

user1492757084 · 18/02/2025 05:51

You Mum brought up the topic first so you should feel comfortable in asking her about the details, time frame etc.
It is extremely generous and it make a huge difference, so tell her that.

Blue278 · 18/02/2025 05:49

Do you have any siblings? Does mum’s DP have children? They might be working out how to help other people too.

BuddhaAtSea · 18/02/2025 05:46

She’s your mum! Pick up the phone and ask her: you’re still ok with giving me the money, mum? The landlord is selling and that nest egg means I can put a deposit down.

Blue278 · 18/02/2025 05:46

Not seeing the issue. You’re right. You shouldn’t start spending now as anything could happen, but you’ve already said your landlord is in no rush so just wait.

If mum and her DP already found the house they will be living in and she will be selling, you just have to wait until that part happens.

Only you kniw if your mum and her partner are reliable. Do you mean she first said an amount that was the whole deposit and is now saying ‘a little’?

Your mum has a lot going on and needs to protect herself, work out her own finances. Probably waiting to see what’s left after her sale. Are you confident she is adequately protected and that her arrangement is fair to her? That should be the main subject of any conversations with her about her plans.