Husband arrives home as it's almost time to leave

Reading your updates....

I have a H who is a cyclist. I always know when he's going out as he takes ages to get changed, unlock the garage, get his bike out, fill his water bottles, fill his backpack etc.

Unless you live in a mansion how did you not know he was going out?

None of us here know the whole story. He may be a selfish entitled arsehole who expects you to do everything, or this may be a one-off.

IME men are often sailing close to the wind when they need to go out somewhere. I've lost count of the times my H would get showered/ changed with 10 minutes to go before leaving for something. He's not selfish and I wasn't doing childcare, but he would never be 'ready and waiting' for me. But we were never actually late!

So- is he one of those men?

On the other hand you do sound a bit disorganised. Making a cake last minute- why? Buy one or make a pudding the day before.

Kids having a bath mid morning? Why? Surely they have a shower at 8am when they get up or in the evening?

You can't blame him for the fact your cake wasn't ready or the kids not showered- you both should have been onto that earlier in the morning.

Could you not have held off trying to resolve this? Doing it in front of your friends was probably not ideal. I get you can’t help being upset but putting on a brave face might have been better. Sorry if that’s really horrible of me. I don’t think either of you behaved brilliantly in the situation. Your Dh refusing to look at you is just sulky man child and embarrassing.

This.

It will continue if you allow it to.

I think f you work on your weekend usually want less sociable weekends than if you don't. The kids are school age so the OP gets some free time. The husband just has the weekend. Did he definitely want the lunch out? I would prefer a bike ride. He also needs to spend time with the children but he should be able to go for a bike ride as well. Was it with a group so times not negotiable? In future you need to plan and agree your weekend activities better. Last minute hair washes sounds mad. You need to chill more. The kids should get more fun on a weekend as well, they get involved in plans too and I doubt panic hair washes are their favourite things. The bloke sulkiness sounds awful but he maybe hated having his weekends organised for him

Yet another thread with a selfish douchebag man expecting to be waited on hand and on foot and treating his wife like a housekeeper/maid.

Ugh. No OP YANBU.

Op why did kids need a hair wash on the day? Is it some strange, everyone must wash everything before visiting a house regardless of being clean?

Wow so he only has to help if it's something for him....does op then get to pop to the gym and leave him to the prep as she's giving up time for his friends? Weird

How dare you upset him by having feelings and opinions?! Bottle everything up next time and never point out anything he does that is rude or disrespectful in future. 🙃

How ridiculous! Why couldn't he go out an hour or two earlier and then gt back, get ready and entertain the kids while you did the cake? Or go out for a bike ride after you all get back from your friends house?

His attitude is very selfish. "We're leaving at 10am so I need to be ready at 10am" not "We're leaving at 10am so WE need to be ready at 10am - I'll get child A ready while wife gets child B ready, I'll pack the car while wife sorts the cake..." unfortunately, the work you are doing to get everyone out of the door is invisible to him. But worse than that is that when you told him it was inconsiderate he doubled down and said he hadn't done anything wrong because it hadn't affected the outcome ie. I don't need to alter my behaviour, because that would inconvenience me. I just need to turn up after @Loopyloopla has everything ready because her inconvenience isn't my problem.

If he's covered in mud it may be mountain biking...no lycra required.

He then got cross and huffed on their driveway (and sweared in front of our kids) about never being allowed to go on a bike ride.

He has a family and extra curriculum activities need to be sorted out for both of you at the appropriate times - having a family means he can't go for an extra curriculum activity at the drop of a hat then thats that.

this needs to be talked about and planned at an appropriate time and not at a friends house

Stop doing his mental load, bite your tongue, sit on your hand but stop doing it and let him fail if needed so he stops relying on you to be the default person in the family and relationship

From your follow up message, he sounds horrible and childish. As if he doesn’t even like you. His actions and words show such disrespect and disregard. I couldn’t get over that. I suspect it’s not the first time either.

What a lot of husband bashing on this thread, well I’m on his side on this OP, you’re a stay at home Mum so had more than enough time to bake a cake, you didn’t need to bath your kids before going, that could have been done the night before. You could have easily got them ready in time yourself. To me you’re just nitpicking because he went out.
As for weeping at the table in front of your friends, that’s so out of order and a bit pathetic, he made you late it’s annoying but hardly the end of the world.
I really can’t be doing with whining stay at home Mums when the majority of women manage to smoothly fit in a job and all the other million and one tasks that bringing up a family entails.

This ^

He's done it deliberately precisely so he didn't have to get involved in any of the preparation. I assume he knew what time you were due to go out? He should have gone on his bike ride and hour or two earlier. I hate selfish twats like this.

I'm slightly confused that your husband came back from a bike ride you didn't know he was on. Didn't you hear him getting ready or going out of the door? Did he not say goodbye?

I'd be ok with my dh making plans if he knew i was here with the kids or at short notice but that's because he would be the same with me. If it's a one off then let it go but if it's a regular thing then maybe you need to have a conversation and discuss boundaries / balance

I hope you had left him clean towels and plenty of hot water so his majesty could swan in and use the facilities. I hope you cleaned his bike to an acceptable standard...what a prick....

Ignoring the issue he thinks it was ok for you to get everyone and everything ready, if he knew what time you were leaving and wasn't ready by that time, I would have left him at home.

I hate lateness esp when going to other people houses for meals. It doesn't matter if its 5 mins away or half an hour away, if you agree a time to leave then everyone should be ready at that time to leave.

The fact he thinks its down to you to do everything and he is only responsible for himself is another issue entirely

Ive asked things like this before OP and I really sympathise as its its obviously part of a much bigger picture...I have useless DH too

In answer to your question, yes its completely unreasonable and the only way Ive managed to improve it is by divving out the task once he arrives and if we're late (which I absolutely hate) So I would have said, "oh great your home, Im just finishing up dessert, could you get DC dressed please.

But as you know its a small part of a bigger problem

I had a DH like that - would arrive home five mins before/after I had to be somewhere. Usually it would be from work (never left on time unless it was for something he wanted to do) but often from other things. Never realised that I needed time to drive to somewhere (yes he used the car for work), hand over the children (including unwrapping the limpet child from me) etc.
I did it on him once by taking DC1 to an afternoon party when he was planning to go out later - got a little delayed with leaving and then traffic was bad - full blown teenage sulk for days.
My solution was to always tell him I had to be somewhere about an hour before I actually needed to be which worked for a good while until the DC's were old enough to be left and we had a period where I had my own car.
However leopards don't tend to change their spots and he is still the same.

What he did was slightly annoying but if I was him I'd have found you making a massive scene about it throughout lunch absolutely excruciating.

Why did you wait for him? Leave and let him explain to your hosts.

He's your third child