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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pleasure myself while husband is in the house?

64 replies

Tropicalturnip · 17/02/2025 22:51

Sometimes, I just want a quick orgasm, no fuss, no messing about, no build up or effort required for anyone but me, can't be arsed with / don't want actual sex but just want to get off and have the orgasm there and then. Just do me. AIBU to get some small pleasure from myself now and again, without having to go to DH every time?
For context, think another room after DH has gone to sleep - and we otherwise have a good sex life.

OP posts:
WrylyAmused · 17/02/2025 23:59

I think it's maybe cos he doesn't differentiate the types of orgasms.

I wonder if it's a bit like this for you (as it sometimes is for me).
Sex is great, and sometimes that's what I want, but sometimes it's not a sexual urge, it's just something I need to do to get to sleep easily, or be able to concentrate, or something similar. Far more "scratch an itch/ blow my nose/ have a drink when thirsty/put a sweater on when cold" kind of attending to a bodily need, rather than any desire for intimacy, connection or actual sex.

And maybe explaining it that way might help him see the difference - you're actually in that moment not rejecting him or sex, because it's not in the least about him or sex, and (if this is similar to mine) to be honest, the thought of sex with another person doesn't really cross my mind at such times.

Totally agree with pp though - your body, he only gets the option when you want him to, so you're entirely entitled to reject him if you wish, and he shouldn't sulk about it.

CraneBeak · 17/02/2025 23:58

Men are so tedious. The presumption of thinking that they can gatekeep a woman's own body from herself is staggering.

RebelStarChild · 17/02/2025 23:56

Tropicalturnip · 17/02/2025 23:18

Maybe that's my mistake. We were talking about sex and I mentioned this, genuinely thinking nothing of it, assuming he does the same sometimes. DH took it extremely personally and is now apparently deeply hurt and rejected that I'd do it even when he's available. Should have kept my mouth shut lol

Show quote history

No you were right to be honest with him, you have a right to enjoy your own body. He needs to get over himself.

I would ask him straight up if that means you're not entitled to touch your own body without his involvement?

NPET · 17/02/2025 23:49

VikingLady · 17/02/2025 23:33

It's your choice what you do with your body. He does not have the right if first refusal on using it. For anything.

This is something which men need to learn. My boyfs have so often thought that they are entitled to my body whatever. NO. Only I am and in this case only you are!

Poppyseeds79 · 17/02/2025 23:48

Presumably he's just angling for the idea of more sex. Which is fine of course if you're both in the mood! Masturbating is sometimes a lot easier though in my opinion, quick means to an ends 😁

Original poster
Tropicalturnip · 17/02/2025 23:40

RightOnTheEdge · 17/02/2025 23:33

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It's your body and your private business.

I have seen posts on here before though from women saying that they feel hurt and rejected because their partners are doing this. So I don't think it's uncommon for people to feel like your husband does.

Does he really not do it? He's being a hypocrite if he does.

He does, but only when I'm not here apparently. He says it's nowhere near as good as having sex with me so if I'm here he'd always try it on instead. I mean, I kind of get it - but I think he's being ridiculous.

OP posts:
Lilliee1 · 17/02/2025 23:39

Not his or anyones business..

Lol, if it was my partner, he would find it a turn on

RightOnTheEdge · 17/02/2025 23:33

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It's your body and your private business.

I have seen posts on here before though from women saying that they feel hurt and rejected because their partners are doing this. So I don't think it's uncommon for people to feel like your husband does.

Does he really not do it? He's being a hypocrite if he does.

VikingLady · 17/02/2025 23:33

It's your choice what you do with your body. He does not have the right if first refusal on using it. For anything.

Whotenanny · 17/02/2025 23:27

Does he masturbate? If so, then he can't complain 😆

sweetpickle2 · 17/02/2025 23:22

Your DH needs to grow up.

Original poster
Tropicalturnip · 17/02/2025 23:18

ErrolTheDragon · 17/02/2025 23:13

That really is nobody's business but your own.

Maybe that's my mistake. We were talking about sex and I mentioned this, genuinely thinking nothing of it, assuming he does the same sometimes. DH took it extremely personally and is now apparently deeply hurt and rejected that I'd do it even when he's available. Should have kept my mouth shut lol

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 17/02/2025 23:13

That really is nobody's business but your own.

sweetpickle2 · 17/02/2025 23:13

I think it’s fine.

Only way it wouldn’t be is if you were bothered that he was doing it.