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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pleasure myself while husband is in the house?

64 replies

Tropicalturnip · 17/02/2025 22:51

Sometimes, I just want a quick orgasm, no fuss, no messing about, no build up or effort required for anyone but me, can't be arsed with / don't want actual sex but just want to get off and have the orgasm there and then. Just do me. AIBU to get some small pleasure from myself now and again, without having to go to DH every time?
For context, think another room after DH has gone to sleep - and we otherwise have a good sex life.

OP posts:

RaveToTheGrave1 · 18/02/2025 21:46

Totally fine, I do it if I need the release but cba with the whole thing if I'm stressed, my husband does the same. We have a very active sex life and usually will do it every night but sometimes tbh a wank is what you want!

Laiste · 18/02/2025 21:07

I think a lot of the time that women seek advice about how they feel about their husbands wanking, it's in conjunction with concerns about his use of porn/addiction to porn.

samarrange · 18/02/2025 20:55

For some reason this just popped up in my ads...

To pleasure myself while husband is in the house?

BobbyBiscuits · 18/02/2025 11:54

Of course it's fine. I guess if he saw he might want to join in, but other than that I don't see the issue!

LazyArsedMagician · 18/02/2025 11:15

I'm totally with you, but I know my husband would be with yours, although I think he would acknowledge it's a bit silly to feel like that!

CharlotteLightandDark · 18/02/2025 09:21

I’m pretty much always dtf if I’m home/available, if my partner went off and had a wank over initiating sex with me I think I might be a bit miffed but wouldn’t make it known as I’m aware it’s a bit unreasonable and I don’t think you’d be wrong to do this OP so crack on :)

Cottonplease · 18/02/2025 09:08

WallaceinAnderland · 18/02/2025 00:00

Sexual intimacy with a partner and solo masturbation are totally different activities though. Why does he think one should always replace the other. That's like saying you should always have the well balanced main meal on offer when you know what you're really craving is a crisp sandwich.

🤣and now I want a crisp sandwich!!

RabbitsRock · 18/02/2025 08:53

I really want a vibrator that mimics oral sex - absolutely love having that done but DH has never been keen.

RabbitsRock · 18/02/2025 08:51

AffableApple that’s brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

CandidRaven · 18/02/2025 08:44

I thought this was a pretty normal thing to do to be honest, me and my husband also do it, it's not a big deal and your husband needs to grow up!

BlueSilverCats · 18/02/2025 08:35

You’re not wrong at all.

On the other hand, there are numerous threads on here from women complaining about the same thing (and feeling upset, rejected,unattractive etc) and they get lots of sympathy and the general consensus is that he's a dick for doing it.

The concept of ownership goes both ways .

purpleblue2 · 18/02/2025 08:31

FiveBananaDeathPunch · 18/02/2025 08:14

Along with buy a vibrator and use it solo I’ll throw in if you’re stopping because you’re getting the ‘going to wet myself’ feeling you should keep going

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I love this I can’t wait to give it a go roll on pay day 😂

FiveBananaDeathPunch · 18/02/2025 08:14

purpleblue2 · 18/02/2025 00:33

I don’t do it full stop unless I’m teasing my partner but I geniunely think he’d find it weird if I was to do this. I’m not saying it’s not ok cause it is but I don’t think my partner would like it and he’d feel rejected knowing his personality. That being said I can always be arsed for sex and so can he so we don’t have that problem there has been a time coupe
years back where he said he’d had to sort himself out and I was ok with it cause it’s not like I was there at the time. I’d watch my man alll day long do it to himself and not get bothered

on that note I don’t think I’ve ever orgasmed fully in my life and wish I could no matter whether I play he plays an ex played or what not I have never orgasmed but I get extremely wet.

Along with buy a vibrator and use it solo I’ll throw in if you’re stopping because you’re getting the ‘going to wet myself’ feeling you should keep going

sweetpickle2 · 18/02/2025 07:53

Sex with a partner is about so much more than getting off- it’s about connection, and intimacy. It’s pretty telling that your partner sees no difference between that and a wank.

Unfortunately, women have been conditioned to accept sex without orgasms (as is clear from a few posts on this thread) so some men can’t wrap their head around sex taking place without them there.

Miaowzabella · 18/02/2025 07:50

saraclara · 18/02/2025 07:18

As a pp already mentioned, there've been many posts on here where women have been hurt to find that their DH had masturbated rather than initiating sex with them.

Edited

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Those women are equally tedious.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/02/2025 07:25

Am I the only one who’s craving a crisp sandwich now?

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 18/02/2025 07:23

WallaceinAnderland · 18/02/2025 00:00

😂 Salt and vinegar or ready salted?

saraclara · 18/02/2025 07:18

CraneBeak · 17/02/2025 23:58

Men are so tedious. The presumption of thinking that they can gatekeep a woman's own body from herself is staggering.

As a pp already mentioned, there've been many posts on here where women have been hurt to find that their DH had masturbated rather than initiating sex with them.

Original poster

Tropicalturnip · 18/02/2025 06:44

WrylyAmused · 17/02/2025 23:59

I think it's maybe cos he doesn't differentiate the types of orgasms.

I wonder if it's a bit like this for you (as it sometimes is for me).
Sex is great, and sometimes that's what I want, but sometimes it's not a sexual urge, it's just something I need to do to get to sleep easily, or be able to concentrate, or something similar. Far more "scratch an itch/ blow my nose/ have a drink when thirsty/put a sweater on when cold" kind of attending to a bodily need, rather than any desire for intimacy, connection or actual sex.

And maybe explaining it that way might help him see the difference - you're actually in that moment not rejecting him or sex, because it's not in the least about him or sex, and (if this is similar to mine) to be honest, the thought of sex with another person doesn't really cross my mind at such times.

Totally agree with pp though - your body, he only gets the option when you want him to, so you're entirely entitled to reject him if you wish, and he shouldn't sulk about it.

Hit the nail on the head!

OP posts:

AffableApple · 18/02/2025 03:55

TheIvyRestaurant · 18/02/2025 00:44

Get a little bullet thingy it’s all you need. And tell him to bugger off and leave you alone while you do it. Nobody needs an audience. Wap some Sean Bean remixes (other actors are available: Sean Bean is my personal fave) on YouTube and away you go

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Is this why it's called "flicking the Bean"?

beenonthebox · 18/02/2025 03:26

HowToSaveAWife · 18/02/2025 02:01

YANBU. A self inflicted orgasm is an excellent way to release a headache or muscle tension. I'd rather DIY than wait for DH. Equally... You're entitled to tend to your own needs.

Fuck the men that think you are only there to serve their purposes.

I regularly have self- orgasm to relieve headaches, muscle tension and just head-soupiness.

Conversely, I think "don't fuck the men that think you are only there to serve their purposes" is a better approach.

beenonthebox · 18/02/2025 03:24

Tropicalturnip · 17/02/2025 23:18

Maybe that's my mistake. We were talking about sex and I mentioned this, genuinely thinking nothing of it, assuming he does the same sometimes. DH took it extremely personally and is now apparently deeply hurt and rejected that I'd do it even when he's available. Should have kept my mouth shut lol

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Yes, but you see, I once reattached a door handle to a cabinet in a bathroom of a house I was cleaning and had cleaned for years...one day I went to clean and it was missing (I found it on the window sill with the screw missing), so I looked around for the screw, found it, and put the handle back on.

I didn't give it a second thought. The lady of the house was delighted. Her husband apparently acted as if we'd signed him up for castration. It was all in hand, apparently. He was going to do it, apparently. It didn't need anyone else to do it, apparently.

I work to the theory that some men take their role of alpha-male so incredibly seriously. The slightest thing that suggests you can manage without them can leave their egos almost irreparably bruised.

In the case of the OP, she needs to point out to her husband that in all walks of life different approaches are needed...I mean, let's just say he helps her to move the furniture to deep clean the lounge once a week...she's still likely to find the need for a quick run round with a vacuum cleaner on her own, in between, and will still always need him for the full works. I can't see the difference when it comes to orgasms.

dontcryformeargentina · 18/02/2025 02:02

I recommend a clit vibrator ( Satisfyer). Much better than the bullet. Guaranteed intense orgasm. The only issue is - you may not need a man anymore

HowToSaveAWife · 18/02/2025 02:01

YANBU. A self inflicted orgasm is an excellent way to release a headache or muscle tension. I'd rather DIY than wait for DH. Equally... You're entitled to tend to your own needs.

Fuck the men that think you are only there to serve their purposes.

I regularly have self- orgasm to relieve headaches, muscle tension and just head-soupiness.

Topsyturvy78 · 18/02/2025 01:17

Get yourself a vibrator. Best thing I've ever bought.😉

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