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Making up a supply box for son/DIL first time buyers

155 replies

Floranan · 17/02/2025 22:27

My son and DIL are finally in a position to buy their first home and have had an offer excepted this week so all very excited. They’ve never had the own place before so this is such a big thing for them and is stretching them financially.

I know they have been buying the odd thing whilst saving a deposit, some bedding / towels a set of glasses but not much else,

DH and I have discussed what we want to do to help, we thought to give them a gift of money on exchange of contracts so they can start buying household goods, and have already said we will buy them a fridge and washing machine when they complete.

this is all great and I’m really happy about it. But when my other son left home and got a place with his GF money was tight for them too, and we gave them about the same, but I also made up a couple of gift boxes, I had great fun doing this and yes I will admit it is a lot to give me pleasure. 3 boxes, one full of cleaning supplies - loo brush bin bags bleach etc second full of basic kitchen stuff - wooden spoons, rolling pin, basic stuff you didn’t think you need you know. The 3rd box - basic supplies, salt/pepper herbs / spices flour tea coffee tins of stuff you get the picture, stuff to feed them for a few days and to stock the cupboard with basics.

my reasoning is people will buy them kettles and dinner sets etc, but you do need wooden spoons !

my son and now DIL were thrilled with their boxes and really helped them out. So I now want todo them for son n2, but DH says he doesn’t remember me doing that before and tbh he thinks it’s a pretty lame idea.

is it? Am I doing something that is silly, I just thought it’s a nice thing todo, and yes I will like doing it, but it’s a lot of trouble if it’s not really wanted.

i don’t know.

I think basically, when you were getting your first place, what would you have thought if your MIL did that .

OP posts:
steelingmyself · 17/02/2025 23:20

Very generous and very thoughtful OP!

Asswhipe · 17/02/2025 23:18

avignon1234 · 17/02/2025 22:51

I think this is lovely, and only the very obtuse would not like it / refuse it. I think some of the ideas other posters have are also good (esp. around tools, screwdrivers spring to mind, good torch). Even if I thought my MIL was a bit bonkers, I would have loved it that someone cared for me so much to think about it. xx

Agree with this. My DH's DGF had just died when we bought our first home and we got the contents of his shed .... lawn mower, spade, wheel barrow, drill, tools, ladder, drill, saw etc - still have most of it 30 years later. Maybe collect second hand gardening tools etc as they are so expensive.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 17/02/2025 23:17

When I bought my first house my dm paid for. Washing machine and fridge freezer. Both lasted about 12 years.

snowlady4 · 17/02/2025 23:12

I would opt for a couple of decent gifts, rather than boxes of 'bits,' they can pick up cheaply themselves.
And you've already been super generous
Tool set is a great gift
Iron/ironing board
Fancy candle to make the new place smell nice
Moving in day box- for before they unpack. Dinner for that night. Bottle of champagne. Plates/glasses. Slippers/pjs/,toothbrushes!

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 23:12

murasaki · 17/02/2025 23:09

I'm one who wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, be very grateful, and spend the cash it freed up on other stuff for the house. I think its a lovely idea.

I'd bite my tongue and try and really appreciate the generosity and the money saving, but the implication that I wouldn't otherwise had had the gumption to stock my kitchen drawers with basic utensils would rankle a bit.

TheLionandAlbert · 17/02/2025 23:10

I think part of the fun is choosing this stuff yourself. I’d give them a gift card for John Lewis or somewhere so they can choose their own things.

BambooScaffold · 17/02/2025 23:10

I have one kid who would love this, and another I know would hate it and see it as babying him. So I think a lot comes down to personality just because your eldest liked it doesn't mean the other will.

Maybe a supermarket or DIY trip where you have a coffee/lunch then get stuff together might be a better way to do it?

murasaki · 17/02/2025 23:09

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 23:07

Yes, and it's especially if it was handed to me with the words "here are some of those things that you just don't know you need, like a wooden spoon and a tin opener"... When I've just managed to buy my own house!

I'm one who wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, be very grateful, and spend the cash it freed up on other stuff for the house. I think its a lovely idea.

Hollyhedge · 17/02/2025 23:08

I’d think she was awesome and very thoughtful!!

Waffle19 · 17/02/2025 23:07

Love this idea, these items massively mount up in cost!

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 23:07

PinkArt · 17/02/2025 23:05

Agreed, I was going to say it would feel like overstepping for me, but infantalising nails it. As an adult buying my own home I'd have felt weird about my folks buying me house supplies. Even the boring stuff is fun when it's for your first home, that you've made happen.

Yes, and it's especially if it was handed to me with the words "here are some of those things that you just don't know you need, like a wooden spoon and a tin opener"... When I've just managed to buy my own house!

doodahdayy · 17/02/2025 23:06

What a lovely idea. I'd be so happy if I received that. You sound like a lovely mum/mil

PinkArt · 17/02/2025 23:05

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:34

It is very kind of you indeed to give them money and white goods. Really kind and lovely.

I would be slightly annoyed to receive boxes of groceries and cleaning items etc. It feels a bit infantilising, as if they wouldn't have thought of these things and don't already have their own preferences. If I was your DIL I would possibly be rolling my eyes ungratefully every time I saw the box of tea in the cupboard that isn't the kind I like, or the cleaning spray that isn't the kind I use.

You did ask!

Agreed, I was going to say it would feel like overstepping for me, but infantalising nails it. As an adult buying my own home I'd have felt weird about my folks buying me house supplies. Even the boring stuff is fun when it's for your first home, that you've made happen.

listmaker1981 · 17/02/2025 23:05

What a lovely thing to do! I would love that, so thoughtful xx

Dweetfidilove · 17/02/2025 23:05

Sounds a lovely idea!
You can include some batteries too. They're so blooming expensive and so many things still require them 😊.

JustLookingThanks · 17/02/2025 23:02

My dad got us a small step ladder (extremely useful), a fire extinguisher and fire blanket, and a tool box with some of his tools in (love using them as he died a few years ago). My mum sorted out spare pillow cases, some hand towels, cleaning materials, and a torch (very handy as it was a wind up one and is never out of power). I remember as we used everything often over the years, I still have most of it all over 20 years later!

ihaterunning · 17/02/2025 23:02

MIL made us up a sewing box - some cotton reels, needles, pins, safety pins, scissors etc. We sill have it 30 years on and I still think of her on the odd occasion I need to sew a button on.

Ponoka7 · 17/02/2025 23:01

Would they want wooden spoons or silicone? Toilet brush or flat silicone type in a particular colour? If they need a rolling pin, they'd know and choose the type. Cleaning products, floral, fruit or spicy sented? You could be handing them a box of unwanted, but expensive crap. It could be the source of their first argument though.

qwertyasdfgzxcv · 17/02/2025 22:59

Command strips

WimbyAce · 17/02/2025 22:59

My mum in law did something similar, cleaning supplies and bits and bobs. She also gave us some vouchers for our 1st food shop. We were hugely grateful.

sevenIsNewEight · 17/02/2025 22:58

I'll add a negative experience.

We did our homework, got all the basics we needed for cleaning and the first few days, (yes, including wine and tin openers, even though we don't really need the tin opener), quite everything. We felt proud that we were adulting so well.

My mum marched in with a set of cleaning supplies. I suppose she enjoyed putting things together, but I wasn't pleased, it felt like she decided we wouldn't think to bring a dustpan and brush.
I was disappointed that it took from us managing just fine, and she was disappointed she wasn't the saviour.

murasaki · 17/02/2025 22:57

Everyone forgets a colander....that's worth popping in.

Itsjustnotthevibe · 17/02/2025 22:56

A tool box with the basics in, I remember when we moved in to our first place we had nothing like that and it would have been so helpful.

CarpetKnees · 17/02/2025 22:55

Plus surely they won't need a fridge and washing machine right away, don't most people leave white goods for the new owners?

Not in my experience.

murasaki · 17/02/2025 22:53

Lovely idea. I still have the tool box my dad bought me when I moved out post university. He's not usually a thoughtful man, but it was sweet, and very useful (ok, some of the Allen keys have gone awol over the last two decades, but the main bits are intact).

Spices etc are a great idea. And some kilner jars for flour, pasta etc.