Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Making up a supply box for son/DIL first time buyers

155 replies

Floranan · 17/02/2025 22:27

My son and DIL are finally in a position to buy their first home and have had an offer excepted this week so all very excited. They’ve never had the own place before so this is such a big thing for them and is stretching them financially.

I know they have been buying the odd thing whilst saving a deposit, some bedding / towels a set of glasses but not much else,

DH and I have discussed what we want to do to help, we thought to give them a gift of money on exchange of contracts so they can start buying household goods, and have already said we will buy them a fridge and washing machine when they complete.

this is all great and I’m really happy about it. But when my other son left home and got a place with his GF money was tight for them too, and we gave them about the same, but I also made up a couple of gift boxes, I had great fun doing this and yes I will admit it is a lot to give me pleasure. 3 boxes, one full of cleaning supplies - loo brush bin bags bleach etc second full of basic kitchen stuff - wooden spoons, rolling pin, basic stuff you didn’t think you need you know. The 3rd box - basic supplies, salt/pepper herbs / spices flour tea coffee tins of stuff you get the picture, stuff to feed them for a few days and to stock the cupboard with basics.

my reasoning is people will buy them kettles and dinner sets etc, but you do need wooden spoons !

my son and now DIL were thrilled with their boxes and really helped them out. So I now want todo them for son n2, but DH says he doesn’t remember me doing that before and tbh he thinks it’s a pretty lame idea.

is it? Am I doing something that is silly, I just thought it’s a nice thing todo, and yes I will like doing it, but it’s a lot of trouble if it’s not really wanted.

i don’t know.

I think basically, when you were getting your first place, what would you have thought if your MIL did that .

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
BestDIL · 25/02/2025 08:26

What a lovely gesture. Yes, do it

5128gap · 25/02/2025 08:20

Its a lovely idea and will give you pleasure so do it. The worst that could happen is (apparantly) they may be irritated because its the 'wrong' stuff or feel patronised. But tbh I find it highly unlikely. I'm sure you've raised your son to see it's the love behind a gesture that matters, and that he's picked an equally nice and reasonable partner who will feel the same. The wrong cleaning fluid isn't offensive to normal people!

sanityisamyth · 25/02/2025 08:11

HamptonPlace · 18/02/2025 13:04

not even tinned tomatoes? the horror the horror..

I'm highly allergic to tomatoes, so . . . no! I can't even eat prawn cocktail crisps without being sick.

LilacLilias · 18/02/2025 21:47

Meandhimtogether · 17/02/2025 23:26

My late mum made up a few boxes of bits and bobs.
That was in 1979. We still use the pegs, wooden spoons and butter knife.
It's a good idea as these are the things you don't think about getting.

One of the gifts for our wedding was purchased by my aunt.
Cutlery set for 20 people. That's also still in use.
When we thanked her but did mention that there is only 2 of us.
Forward planned she replied. Now we have enough for our children,
wife, husband and all the grandchildren.

This is so lovely ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

LilacLilias · 18/02/2025 21:35

I think it totally depends on the people involved.

When I moved into a flat with my first serious boyfriend, his sister gave us a gift bag with a bag of pasta, some sauce, cheese and some of our favourite snacks for our first dinner. I thought this was extremely thoughtful and much appreciated!

However, one of the things that I love is kitchenware. So all the things like wooden spoons, tea towels, etc etc. I take great pleasure in choosing these myself so wouldn't love someone getting them for me.

If I were you and I wanted to do something like this, I'd probably stick with 'supplies for the first weekend' or similar. I'd probably include a bog roll for fun.

5foot5 · 18/02/2025 21:14

It is a lovely idea and actually I did something similar for DD when she bought her own place a couple of years ago. She had been living at home with us since graduating as her job was fairly local and it enabled her to save up.

She did still have some basic cooking stuff from when she was a student but I did get her the cleaning products and the basic grocery stuff like tea, coffee, salt, flour,cooking oil etc.

Racingadmin · 18/02/2025 21:12

My aunt did this for me 28 years ago .

I still use the potato peeler , cheese grater and wine stopper on a weekly basis and always think fondly of her

ridingfreely · 18/02/2025 21:08

I think your idea sounds just lovely: we are first time buyers waiting for our purchase to go through and I would be so thankful if my mum did this

StrawberryFreckles · 18/02/2025 21:02

I did a student box for dd2 when she went to uni and was,apparently " legend" in halls!

It's not the same thing though. Going to university is t the same thing as setting up home with a romantic partner.

UninterestingFirstPost · 18/02/2025 20:43

I saw on Twitter someone who made a junk drawer starter kit for their child’s first home. String, elastic bands, candles for a power cut, random items. This would also avoid choosing any of the things that you only have one of and that last for several years that they might prefer to choose themselves.

Treesinthewind · 18/02/2025 20:41

This sounds really lovely. My mum just did me a box of art and craft materials she'd picked up over the last few weeks for my birthday and it meant a lot.

EggFriedRiceAndChips · 18/02/2025 20:40

Actually I’m going to say it again because people are getting so carried away. It is really really fun choosing your own tin opener and loo brush etc. She might be looking forward to it. She might have particular colour schemes. She might be very upset if you do this but not be able to articulate why. You don’t know this young woman that well and you need to treat her like an equal. Please give them a gift voucher or money, if you don’t want to make it all about your own fun.

Hedjwitch · 18/02/2025 20:37

Dd1 is finally moving out into her own place. I am so looking forward to buying stuff for her " boxes". Cleaning stuff, kitchen stuff,food stuff.

I did a student box for dd2 when she went to uni and was,apparently " legend" in halls!

goingdownfighting · 18/02/2025 20:34

I think it's lovely, and it's stuff that they'll use up so it's fine. Very practical and actually very useful.

EggFriedRiceAndChips · 18/02/2025 20:30

I wouldn’t like it. They might really enjoy buying this stuff themselves and feel like you’ve taken the magic away a bit for your own enjoyment. Sorry. Your DIL is an independent adult and may find it a red flag for future overstepping. Flowers and champagne is more normal and shows you accept them as the grown ups they are

Hugattack · 18/02/2025 20:23

I think this is a really lovely idea. Everything you have suggested goes in a cupboard or drawer so it’s not something that has to fit in with anyone else’s decor or that takes up a lot of space. it’s little things that can ease the mental load at a stressful time.

I’ve been reading the comments as I was thinking of doing similar for a friend who is shortly moving into their first home. They were given some kitchen utensils for Christmas and were delighted. I have seen that you can buy “man drawer starter kits” but they are expensive for what they are and thought it would be better value to do something yourself.

StrawberryFreckles · 18/02/2025 19:32

I wouldn't like someone choosing my tin opener and potato peeler.

I'd get lightbulbs, kitchen roll, one spray only, hand soap. That sort of thing.

Derbee · 18/02/2025 15:46

Really lovely idea! Ignore DH. Depending on affordability for you… blinds/curtains and poles is a massive expense which they may not be expecting! That was our most helpful gift when we moved years ago - a Dunelm trip with my DM 😀

pizzaHeart · 18/02/2025 15:46

YesIReallyDidOK · 17/02/2025 22:34

Honestly, assuming the live somewhere already, I think they'll probably have most of that stuff already. I think a gift of cash plus white goods is very generous already (& I'm sure very, very appreciated!) so I would probably stick to flowers and a bottle of something to celebrate their new home as something on the day.

This^
I wouldn’t be so excited about the box - money and practical help with moving for me please.

Sgtmajormummy · 18/02/2025 15:41

Available on Amazon.

Making up a supply box for son/DIL first time buyers
Sgtmajormummy · 18/02/2025 15:34

On the other hand you could give them “nicer than IKEA” basic equipment that nobody wants to spend money on.
Leifheit brand makes interchangeable heads for one broom handle (swiffer, broom, rubber brush, squeegee, duster floof). I bought the full set from Lidl recently and they make jobs I hate a little more bearable.

Sgtmajormummy · 18/02/2025 15:28

A good drill with screwdriver function and a full set of drill bits (Black & Decker do a nice double case).
That’s what we gave DS when he moved away. He was forever taking ours to help friends when they moved digs. Maybe assorted rawl plugs and screws. And a wind-up extension lead.

I sent him off with basic linen and kitchen stuff (to tide him over until he buys what he wants. They were serviceable castoffs that I never wanted to see again.

Maray1967 · 18/02/2025 14:31

I asked DS and GF if they wanted to sort through the decent stuff from his uni items and see what needed to be added. I was able to order some replacements for missing cutlery and his GF listed what she’d got in terms of utensils so I put together list of items that they wanted. Grandparents offered a full set of Denby which they took with thanks. GF’s family upcycled some lovely furniture from the DGPs on their side - lots of sanding and painting done. So it was a shared effort. On the day I brought some cleaning stuff and said they could keep what they wanted. Both me and the other mum bought packs of loo tolls - they kept both!

So it might be worth checking what they need in case they have some things from uni days or the other parents have stored some stuff.

We gave them ££ for a new mattress as they’d already ordered a fridge freezer and washing machine.

PeonyBlushSuede · 18/02/2025 14:20

Dweetfidilove · 17/02/2025 23:05

Sounds a lovely idea!
You can include some batteries too. They're so blooming expensive and so many things still require them 😊.

This is such a good idea - also something I probably would have forgotten to buy when I first moved out!

PeonyBlushSuede · 18/02/2025 14:17

When I moved out my dad got us a bag of cupboard staples from the supermarket and it was such a kind gift

It was all the things that you don't buy each week, but if had to buy them all at once would cost a fortune and if you're not used to doing the food shop could forget. It was so helpful!

Salt/pepper, stock cubes, basic spices, condiments, pasta, tins, rice, squash, tea, coffee, sugar, kitchen roll etc