Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

"She'll be looking". Ah yes, because all women after a relationship break up are predatory sex fiends or thirsting after a relationship with a married man...

Greenfencebrowntree, I think it’s you thats being totally naive, woman can be just as manipulative as the male.
I bet you she’s packed some sexy underwear & maybe condoms, just on the off chance.
If it was me, I wouldn’t be booking any expensive holiday, children or no children, if I wasn’t slightly attracted to the man. Sorry!

Indeed. And all extra marital affairs are conducted only by married men and with single women - and never (never) do married women have affairs. Them's the rules

It all sounds stupid. So your DH is going to go and just hand over his son to this man and while he’s looking after the kids, DH is going to holiday with this mans ex wife? At the same place and same time?

Biggest mistake was allowing the children to cause this.

Her husband WASN'T happy when she went off on holiday with male friends. He told her so and she didn't give a shit so what's sauce for goosey is sauce for gander.

I have never been 100% comfortable with these trips but decided to keep my mouth shut because I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about. I regret being so blood minded at the time.

You don't have a leg to stand on.

Are they finding a couple of random children to take with them, since the “tickets have already been paid for”?

It’s not controlling to not like the idea of your spouse going on holiday alone with a member of the opposite sex. It’s perfectly normal.

Sauce, geese and ganders come to mind.

This wouldn't bother me, but I go away on work trips with my ex frequently (we now work together), and neither his wife nor my DP care. Men and women (and exes!) can have platonic friendships.

That would have been a nope from me from day 1.
Hang on, are the separated couple spending the 2 weeks together ? Plus your DH and 2 children of unknown age. How strange.

YABU. Either you trust your husband or you don't. He didn't engineer this situation, the kids did (and I don't really understand why you are all letting them drop off the holiday plans after the tickets have been booked!).

I would understand you having an issue with him going on holiday without you, but that's not the issue here.

In your husband's shoes, I would be massively offended that you suggested the holiday was inappropriate or suspicious.

As others have said, tag along if you don't want to be left out.

Regardless if you have done it in the past and he wasn't happy, there is no way I would allow this to happen. I would insist on going also. Totally weird and not ok.
This isn't about being insecure or don't trust their spouses. This is a mouse sniffing around a bit of chocolate on a trap, then thinks he will get away with just a little nibble...

Me neither.

I think all you can do is tell him how you feel about it. I wouldn’t continue the marriage but I am a jealous type who would never marry someone who thought this was OK.

And clearly you thought it was ok for you to do it…

The ones who maybe aren't so insecure and trust their spouses

You don’t really have a leg to stand on as you’ve done the same yourself. I wouldn’t be happy about it either though.

I really don't see the issue. Am currently away with a male friend. What's the big deal

I agree with @DeepFatFried‘s suggestion above.

@Freelll, this would not be happening in my marriage. This woman isn’t a close family friend or even an old platonic friend of your H. She is a school mom, and she and H are now planning an exciting trip together to the U.S. This would be breaching boundaries in my relationship.

The dynamic has shifted. Whereas their focus would have been on the boys, it will now be on each other and their fun, bonding experiences.

You are not being unreasonable at all, @Freelll. Be honest and express your discomfort, and ask him to not go.

Questions:
Why on earth have the boys been allowed to ditch the initial plans?
How long ago did they cancel?
How well do you know this woman?
Has H had mentionitis or have you had niggles about their interactions?

Are the boys adult and/or paying their own way? I'm so confused about the logistics. Assuming we are talking about children, they get to pick which parent they want to travel with. They picked friends dad after all tje tickets were bought, husband let's his son with the friend dad while he holidays with mum? Or will both friends parents be there at the same time but husband and son will share a room, friends dad and friend will share a room and mum will have her own. Everyone will go to basketball and some other activities together?

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to at least ask, but given your own insistence at holidays with your male friends you would be unreasonable to expect a higher standard from him than you were willing to embody.

Have you been on holidays just you and ONE male friend though? When you were married? I find that odd, but maybe I'm old-fashioned.... if so, you can't tell him not to.
But if that's not the case, then I would be tagging along or telling him not to go.

QFT. You can't complain about him going away with a female friend when you have gone away with male friends (plural).

Agreed.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of your relationship. Whether opposite sex friends are okay without limits, not okay at all, or anything else is only subject to whatever the two of you agree on.

In my marriage, we don't have opposite sex friends and that's never caused a problem. Also, our rule is nobody outside our relationship can ever come before either of the people in our relationship. In other words, if I don't want one of his friends around, they're out, and vice versa. That's always worked easily for us but it might not work at all for some other couples.

But, in my opinion, for a marriage that's not dysfunctional, the rules have to be agreed on by both of you and they have to be fair. The two of you need to have a calm, honest, respectful talk and figure out what your ground rules are and both stick with them. If you feel like you were wrong to go on a trip with a male friend in the past, tell him so and apologize. If can't work it out on your own, why not try marriage counseling. Good luck to you.

Yes it is, but there are around 400 million guns owned by private citizens, i.e. a literally insane number of guns.

The population of the USA is around 350 million.