Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

No no no no no. No. Absolutely not. 🤷‍♀️

I will try to say this as gently as I can, but you don’t get to set objective line for where this does or doesn’t become acceptable. Mainly because there isn’t one, as you’ll note from this thread that is a fair amount of dissent.

The stark fact is it went over that line for your husbands emotional comfort back when you did it, and you prioritised getting your fun in over his feelings. As it stands he’s not quite done the same thing (yet!) in that you have yet to share with him how this is making you feel. So he could in all innocence think well the trip away you took turned out perfectly fine and this is no different!

I think suddenly expecting him to toe your new moral line on the subject is absurd. All you can really do, and I really think that you should is simply confess how this is making you feel. I’d even go on to include how you now appreciate how it must have made him feel back when the shoe was on the other foot. You then have to hope he is willing to prioritise how you feel about this more than you did. However I’d steel yourself for the possibility that from his side pov you expected him to trust you, he may feel entitled to the same level of you trusting him. I’m pretty sure that was probably the thrust of your argument for you being able to go when it was you.

For the record I’m not particularly for or against the principle of two platonic opposite sex friends so I’m not judging you on that point. I could name a handful of friends of the opposite sex I could vacation with and I could guarantee you nothing would happen, but I would be unlikely to do it unless I had a very understanding partner. I hope you find the right balance here and it all works out.

How old is your DS?
Did you pay for his ticket?
If so, I don't think he should just be allowed to decide he's going with someone else - tell him he can see his friends at the game and hang out with them while theyre on holiday but hes travelling with/staying with his dad. If not he doesn't go at all and you take his ticket.
Does the ex-h even want to be responsible for your DS, whom I assume he doesn't know well?

Presumably he'd say the same, they're just friends.

You went on holiday, albeit years ago, with male friends whilst your husband was unhappy about it.

No surprise he's doing the same. I think you need to sit down together and agree what is and isn't acceptable in your relationship.

Exactly!😄

I'm not a masochist so it 100% would not be happening.

Lol it would be like shagging my brother. No thx

Well, it seems like your husband has a loooong memory.

Also, he and and this woman are presumably 'mates, nothing more and nothing less' too. So you should be flying the bunting for him.

If I were you, I would have an honest conversation with your husband about how you feel. If you go along with it, without voicing how you feel as you did when he went with your son, his friend and their mother; your husband and her might plan more trips together when they return from this one. You are in a stronger position now and it will be too late to say anything after the trip! What’s the worst that can happen by speaking up. He needs telling how you feel about this. Xx

and what about the 10% you don't find repellent? OPs husband might be in that bucket for this woman.

@SeenYourArse - I thought the whole point of Mumsnet was sharing our opinions. 🤔

I had a boyfriend who was meant to be spending a week off with me. A couple of weeks before that, he announced he'd decided to go away with a group of friends instead. He left me here and went to Majorca with 26 (yes, 26) girls.

I didn't say anything. What was the point?

Obviously the relationship was over after he got back. He was somewhat puzzled by this and asked if the recent holiday had something to do with it. I said ''yes, but if I have to explain to you what's wrong with that then we're too different to ever meet in the middle''.

So you think this woman is something more than a mate then?

I'm surprised you have time to post here in between all the shagging and emotional cheating that you two are obviously doing.

So you are only ever allowed to spend time with your partner?
I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone so controlling and demanding on my time...

I gladly encourage DH to go on days/weekends away with friends to do hobbies - I have for instance no interest in injuring myself hurtling down a steep track on a mountain bike, and I think he'd rather hit his toe with a hammer than join me at book club or for a run.

I would definitely not be cool him going away one on one with another woman though, and he'd feel exactly the same if I wanted to go away with some bloke.
Fortunately, neither of us do as we love each other and like spending most of our precious spare time together.

Going on holiday with my best friend who is male is no different to going on holiday with a female friend.

My marriage is also perfectly normal. There's just no insecurity or jealousy which I see as a good thing.

Of course it's controlling if you believe you get a say who your spouse goes on holiday with. It also shows a lack of trust no matter how many times someone may claim it isn't about not trusting them, of course it is.

I see your point about being a hypocrite but now you know what it feels like there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying you made a mistake and totally understand why he didn’t want you to go on holiday with your male friends. Apologise. You can ask him not to go with her, maybe go with them. If he insists on going with her alone then I think he would be very petty and teaching you a lesson you’ve already learned, punishing you, or maybe hoping to have sex with her.

Or, again, you're putting a weird amount of emphasis on things

Why does it matter if they have a "special emotional relationship" outside the marriage. Do you think married people can only have emotional relationships with each other? Why would a friendship of the same sex be different? Would it be different again if it was a gay man he was friends with?

Me too. I hate skiing and snow / cold. Husband loves it. He goes with female friend of many years because they both love it. I’ve also been away with male friend who loves arts /city tours without husband.
Somehow we’ve all managed not to shag anyone else because we don’t want to. Imagine that!!

If you genuinely believe that the only thing that stops men or women having affairs is opportunity- firstly you are an idiot and secondly you aren’t in a loving relationship anyway so leave.

Me neither. I could only be a Cool Wife if I didn't love my husband

I wouldn't have this. Hell no.

Could you warn the other woman your concerned he would be unable to control himself around her?

I wish the advocates for men & women holidaying together without their spouse could understand its about far more than sex. Having a special emotional relationship with someone else's husband or wife & worse holidaying together is definitely overstepping the normal boundaries of married life. I trust my DH 100% but he would never disrespect me by going off on holiday with another woman nor I with another man. If it works within your unusual relationship it's nobody else's business.