Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

You seem very vested in this. Very many posters have commented to you directly that there are no rights and wrongs regarding this, but just what a couple are mutually comfortable with in their relationship - yet you persist. Are you seeking validation for your chosen lifestyle?

The dynamic isn't different at all just because my mate is male. I've definitely had the best holidays with him because it has largely involved massive European football matches which my DH couldn't care less about and would be bored stiff at.

And still none of these "no mixed sex friendship outings" have addressed the idea of a same sex gay friend...

Well surely that is only relevant if both people are gay. I'm sure their are gay couples where one would object to their partner going away exclusively with another gay friend.

But anyway it doesn't even need to be about the sex. I wouldn't want my husband having his best ever holiday with another woman. He could have the best holiday with his mates because that's an different dynamic. Another single woman ...nah.

There is a difference in going on a holiday with multiple people of the opposite sex as against going with just 1 person of the opposite sex. Crucial detail is which one have you been on?
If the former then you have every right to say no to this NBA trip. If latter then you are on shaky ground and will need to jump in and accompany them.

Else make the kids go.

Exactly.

I make memories with friends all of the time, what's the difference if they are male or female?

If they are both single, they can do what they like. I was more talking about if they aren't single.

Of course people can be friends first before dating/marriage. Again though, cheaters are going to cheat, holiday or no holiday.

They aren't sharing a bed (I would assume) or holding hands though

Those are just two examples of intimacies that aren't sex, but that many people would still wish to reserve for their intimate relationships. Going on a two-person holiday is another one, for some people. Clearly not for others. As I said, that's fine as long both people in a couple have the same expectation re boundaries.

They aren't sharing a bed (I would assume) or holding hands though

And you make memories and share experiences with all sorts of people that aren't your partner

And still none of these "no mixed sex friendship outings" have addressed the idea of a same sex gay friend...

It's the shared experience, making memories thing. The odd meal or drink is one thing. A full on holiday is quite another.

Theres no law about this - rights and wrongs of this situation change with the circumstances. When I was new in a relationship, going away the girls was never of any interest. I only wanted to be with my boyfriend. After being with a boyfriend for some it was nice to go away and have them to come back to.

I would feel comfortable about my husband going away for a bit with work colleagues or an old female friend. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a newly separated friend who in the past had done the holiday with her husband and kids. The dynamics have changed. She's vulnerable and it's an adult only holiday.

That's fine, they shouldn't be in a relationship they weren't comfortable in either.

No one is right or wrong.

Problem is when those views are not aligned or when people want to chop & change the rules to suit, like OP.

@SouthLondonMum22
If they are just friends, there is no temptation.

You don't know anyone who dated or married a friend?

Just at the top of my head, I know 3 couples.
One didn't cheat but dated his Ex's good friend whom he knew through her.

One cheated with her best friend's husband and maried each other. The cheating couple were together for 32yrs till his death.

The other was friends with a lady I worked with. Everyone but her could see he fancied her. The minute she broke up with her bf, he pounced. Didn't last and the friendship ended too. He was playing the long game just to date her.

Totally agree with OP not having a leg to stand on, but hopefully they can get on the same page.

Perhaps OP could help her husbands friend with her packing. At least she would be contributing to the holiday by helping her to remove the stress of knowing which outfits to bring. She could also offer them a lift to the airport to make sure they caught their flight in time.😂

I wouldn't be with someone who thought they had a say in who I went on holiday with.

It's not like that though, if you've both got the same boundaries. It's just something neither of us would do. We've literally never had a disagreement about it or told each other not to do something.

That's true.

I wouldn't be with someone who thought they had a say in who I went on holiday with.

Friends go on holiday together. It doesn't suddenly become intimate just because the friends are male and female.

We've all got different relationship boundaries, I think. As long as both people in the relationship feel the same about them, there's no right or wrong. But many people would find that a scenario that they wouldn't be comfortable with.

It was perfectly fine according to OP when she did it. She just doesn't like it now that DH wants to do it.

Friends go on holiday together. It doesn't suddenly become intimate just because the friends are male and female.

But it wasn’t perfectly fine, the husband didn’t like the fact his wife went away with other male friends, sounds like she went away regardless

Those who are going to cheat will cheat. They wouldn't need a holiday to do it

It's not just about that, though. I think that in any romantic relationship, there are certain intimacies reserved for that relationship. Sex, yes, obviously, but who would be happy at their spouse or partner for instance holding hands with another woman? Or sharing a bed?

For me, as I suspect for many people, couple-type holidays would be within that sphere of intimacy.

OP explained that she went on holiday with a male friend before her and her husband had children which must have been a very long time ago. Additionally one assumes OP’s male friend was someone she knew before she married her husband. Therefore that doesn’t set the scene for what’s going on in their lives now with her conundrum about this divorced woman and her husband going on holiday together.

If they are just friends, there is no temptation.
If they aren't just friends, well it is already too late.

It really isn't hard to not cheat on your partner.

Of course OP should voice it if she wants to but she does need to be prepared for DH to say ''Well it was ok when you went off with your guy friend'' and call out how hypocritical she's been.

Agree, but when temptation is thrown in, some will falter.

There are very few people who can honestly say they've never given in to temptation, not necessarily cheating, but we're human.

There are people who've had someone come on to them unexpectedly, caught off guard and either stopped it straight away, gone along but instantly regretted it never to be repeated or carried on to a full blown affair.

I also believe circumstances can increase the chance, someone missing home, needing a shoulder to cry on, alcohol etc.

Main thing is OP is uncomfortable and has to voice those fears.

Those who are going to cheat will cheat. They wouldn't need a holiday to do it.

The vast majority of posts on here about a cheating partner don't involve him going on holiday with a woman.

Sorry, I can’t see how it’s any different…

Totally agree @KimberleyClark ,

Doesn't matter if half the population is fine with it, if OP doesn't feel comfortable, then they should at least discuss it.
She's muddied the water by he previous choices, but can still have the conversation.

No point waving them off with a fake smile and spend the two weeks being miserable and resentful.

Main thing is to marry someone you share the same view with, otherwise there'll be resentment from one or the other.

Great if people haven't shagged their holiday friends, not everyone cheats.
They could be shagging a different friend though or wishing to.

Some people are the jealous or insecure type, but the secure and trusting ones get cheated on too.
Being insecure or jealous can be a natural trait or come about from previous experience.

How many posts on here about a cheating partner who was:
Trustworthy,
The best man ever,
Wouldn't hurt a fly,
Doesn't believe in divorce,
Would never do that to me/thr kids, etc.

It's one thing to be trustworthy, but we're all human and sometimes temptation is too great for some.

OP is being honest with her feelings, we're not all the same.