Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

But why? Why do you view opposite sex friendships as different to same sex friendships?

Why are separate holidays ok if same sex but not when opposite sex?

Why is it “acting as if you are single” when it is an opposite sex holiday but not when it is a same sex holiday?

i would be very unhappy in fact very, very unhappy.

I am assuming you would be fine of he was travelling with a man?

Just go with them.

You are correct you will seem like a hypocrite if you ask him not to go. Are you worried something will happen.

Seriously? 🙄

I will never understand why people try to live separate lives when they are married and have a family.

you shouldn’t be going on holiday with male friends without your husband and he shouldn’t be going on holiday with female friends without you, his wife.

for me, there is absolutely no need for this happen in any scenario.

I would be voicing that I’m not comfortable, and making it clear that “single” holidays unless it’s same sex are now a boundary for the relationship.

Either go with or he stays.

What are you thinking about it all now, @Freelll?

It's interesting how in marriage where opposite sex friends are concerned the same scenarios can promote different feelings in people. I wouldn't feel in the least bit contolled. On the contrary I would hate my husband to not care about me going off on holiday with a male friend, despite trusting each other implicitly. If his attitude was indifferent to me mixing & holidaying with a male friend it would make me feel as if I could do as I pleased within the marriage almost like he didn't care enough to question my desire to have male friends. As it is neither of us would consider being overly involved with a member of the opposite sex unless it was an unavoidable work related situation. It's interesting to read the opposite views.

Same here. I’d feel like there was no trust in the marriage and I’d also feel incredibly controlled.

It has absolutely nothing to do with sex or insecurity. It's everything to do with respect & boundaries where I would suspect the majority of women have no desire to wave their husbands off on holiday with another woman.

My DH & I have a mutual female friend we have both known since teenagers. She is now single. I can't imagine saying to my DH "I hope you (& this friend) have a wonderful time together on holiday, see you when you return" We respect each other's boundaries so that would be a step too far In the friendship. If it works for you that's nobody else's business but again I think it would happen within a small minority of marriages.

I used to be very chill about this too. But after witnessing so many friends discover infidelity. And after the penny dropping that my (now ex) was almost certainly unfaithful, I have realised that expecting others to live by the standards I hold myself to is just naive.
I also think that long faithful happy marriages are something worth aspiring to but that they take effort and boundaries to work

I don't have an open relationship, don't 'shag around' and still manage to have friendships with the same and opposite sex - as does my husband. This can include any number of fun activities including trips away.

Of course every relationship gets to make up their own rules but it would need a discussion and an agreement. I'd personally feel very under valued in a relationship if my husband couldn't trust me not to cheat just because I fly somewhere with a friend. Am genuinely amazed at the responses, it's interesting to see! Going to go talk to my friends now to see if I'm just the outlier

And yes, of course they can sneak around at home. But there's a big difference that happening behind your back and pretty much packing the condoms for them as they head off on a mini break with their "just a good friend".

It's not about having a blanket ban @PurpleThistle7 . My husband is free to do what ever he wishes... But I am free to decide whether I feel valued and respected in the relationship or whether I wish to leave it.

Equally I get that it is fine to have a much more laissez fair approach to the whole thing and be chill about whether or not your other half is shagging about. At the end of the day we all are free to decide what kind of relationship we want. And to leave a relationship if it isn't meeting those standards. And it's fine to have different expectations from someone else, without those expectations being right or wrong.

Im actually flabbergasted that so many people would have a blanket ban on another adult doing something. If someone wants to cheat, they can cheat at home or at work or anywhere really. My husband goes camping with his female friend sometime and I couldn't care less. I hate camping and uninvited myself years back.

Is it okay to go on a trip with my gay female friend? Is it okay to go on a trip with a group of friends? Minus logistics and finances I'm not sure what else would need to be discussed if either my husband or I want to go wherever suits us.

Anyway the ship has sailed as you did it first so it would be odd to change the rules now without a discussion.

This 100%. Life is short. We don't get enough leisure time & holidays with our husbands without sharing him with another woman. They should find their own man to holiday with & go out for meals & nights out without muscling in on somebody elses husband.The same goes for men who pursue someone else's wife under the umbrella of 'just friends' Friendships involving couples together & groups are are a whole different scenario.

pp stated dynamics would change as if it was a fact and that is what I was responding to.

Cheaters are going to cheat. Nothing is going to prevent that.

People have already said not all men/women going away with friends will cheat.

The fact it hasn't happened in your case doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Despite being on the back foot, OP's concerns are still valid.

No one can say 100% dynamics don't change going by one example.

Not weird, exactly, but it presumably limits you, unless you both like doing exactly the same things?

How old are the boys ?

bur if tickets have Ben brought and paid for then they go with mum and your dh

They don’t choose who takes them

I must be weird only wanting to holiday with dh and not male friends and not letting dh holiday with female friends. Weirdly we only want to holiday together.

I don’t want him to go on holiday with just her.

And so you must tell him,@Freelll. Please don’t stifle your discomfort like you did previously.

H’s holidaying alone with School Mom is new territory for these two, which he must be looking forward to or he wouldn’t be going. Their previous travels with the boys would have had a family energy, but there will be a new vibe now — multiple days of flying, dining/drinks, games, walks, bantering, sightseeing, etc. in each other’s company. A similar situation I know of damaged a marriage irreparably due to the connection that evolved.

@Freelll, don’t be reticent to speak up because you traveled with close male friends years ago. This is not a trip with an old established mate. H wants to go across the Atlantic to spend a lot of time and have some fantastic experiences with your son’s friend’s mom, a more recently acquired friend. Your unsettled feelings are valid. Let him know how you feel.

Okey dokey...

No more vested than the ‘very many’ posters who have responded to me? I thought we were having a discussion.

Saying there are no right or wrongs is fine but if someone claims it’s a different dynamic (when they’ve never even gone on holiday with a male friend) then I will challenge that as someone who actually goes on holiday with a male friend.

But surely if the issue is the "intimacy" then it's the same as for a gay man spending time with another man is like a straight woman spending time with a man.

It's not even a "special" holiday. It's a trip they go on regularly.