Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

You both sound as bad as each other, if you have done it also in the past with male friends (which as a man I would never allow, if you don't like it then leave but that would be my boundary)

As stated you have done it yourself so not really in a position to complain now because it doesn't suit.

I have learnt, over the years,.that it is brave /naive to assume others hold themselves to the same standards that I do

Whenever I have thought that men were "just " my friends, they have generally ended up propositioning me at some point even when I was never even remotely flirty. Or to admitting years down the line that they had been interested in more than friendship.

Do women who think it's normal & acceptable for a single woman to be a close friend of a married man,meeting for drinks etc & according to this thread even holiday together, honestly think their friends wife is happy about it. If she is happy & accepting of the situation it's because the couple have an unusual take on boundaries within marriage & she feels free to do the same.

As far as children are concerned. When I was growing up if I heard my father saying to my mother I'm meeting Lisa after work for a few drinks, or worse arranging a holiday weekend with her, I'd have thought he'd lost the plot.

How is it that your child can ‘choose’ to travel with the other parent? And who pays for the new tickets - the friend’s dad?

Just say your child travels with his dad as planned, you can take the friend’s ticket.

Some of these comments are really weird about people not being allowed to be friends or go on holidays with friends of the opposite sex. Going on holidays with friends is not ‘living separate lives’. I’ve been happily married for 17 years and we both have friends, separate and mutual, who are of the opposite sex. I don’t fancy my male friends so I don’t assume he fancies his female friends.

I mean, you can have opposite sex friends and not shag them nor want to, why can't you go too if you're that bothered?

But then OP had been away with male friends against her husbands wishes

By different dynamic I was referencing points made about this situation specifically .

Holidays between close friends ( these could be either sex) can be fine. In this situation it's that the original premise of "taking the kids" has changed. Plus the woman is now single.

What would happen if your footie mate asked if you wanted to go to Europe to look at art or horse trekking instead. Would your husband not be slightly 🧐 it even though he knows you two have been away together regularly?

Isn’t it obvious?

Why are people more likely to have sex with opposite sex friends than same sex friends?

Why the assumption people will develop crushes on friends just because they are the opposite sex?

But I still don’t get why it’s “acting like you are single” if travelling with opposite sex friends vs. same sex friends?

Very tricky . as the trip is paid for , and you have never objected in the past.
You also can't object because you have gone on holiday with male friends.
It would be directly be telling DH you don't trust him, but you still expect him to trust you- not really tenable.
All you can do is go with them- despite not liking basketball- it will still look as if you are suspicious, but there is no way around that.

When you say you've been on holiday with male friends before, was it singular or plural? If it's a big bunch of you going off to rugby or similar, that's one thing, but for your husband to travel SOLELY with this woman could be asking for trouble. adjacent hotel rooms, cosy meals, alcohol, it would be easy to overstep the boundaries.

As I've got older, I'm all for the comment, if you can't beat them join them. I'm more thinking, why can't you go with them? Give the sport ago, and if you know it's really not for you, go shopping/visit local attractions on your own and all of you catch up together in the evening.

Delete

Now you know how he felt when you done it op.

This OP! @Freelll

Sadly this is true, what’s good for the goose etc. As much as I don’t agree with this type of holiday, the OP has lost the moral high ground.

I don’t think you have a say since you’ve been on ‘holiday with male friends’ in the past. He is probably playing a game with you

I have been away with male friends to football games on many occasions. When married my husband didn’t object but one of the men’s wives did. She accompanied us on one trip and it was awful, she spoilt the whole weekend drinking heavily, arguing with her partner and sulking. Upshot was they nearly split up but she has never come since. There’s nothing wrong with platonic relationships and as you’ve been away with male friends it seems a bit rich you objecting. Is there something about this particular female you don’t like.

OP this…
“because I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about. I regret being so blood minded at the time”

You did it, now you expect him not to?
I’d say the chickens have come home to roost and what good for the goose is good for the gander.
You can’t go on holiday with male friends then object when he goes with a female friend, you’re a hypocrite.

Because you’re unlikely to have sex, get a crush, flirt or kiss someone of the opposite sex that you’re on holiday with.

going on a stag or hen is the type of holiday I was referring too. Not sure why anyone would go on holiday with “friends” when you’re married.

I guess this all boils down to toxic aspects of monogamy culture and how weird so many people get around opposite sex friendships.

I wonder how this works with same sex couples. Are same sex friendships prohibited?

But OP has been on holiday with male friends despite her husband objecting.

I will never understand why people try to live separate lives when they are married and have a family.
you shouldn’t be going on holiday with male friends without your husband and he shouldn’t be going on holiday with female friends without you, his wife.
for me, there is absolutely no need for this happen in any scenario.

Totally agree. We don’t have children but I wouldn’t expect either of us to holiday as per the scenario in this post