Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

'Affairs' are not always sexual.

Nonsense.Its more like married people who support strong extra marital ties & close emotional bonds with a special member of the opposite sex are trying to justify each other having a 'bit on the side' Afairs are not always sexual.

@Alaimo well done on your normal healthy relationship. All the other marriages on here sound so restrictive and based on paranoia.

My husband has been away with a single female friend on a camping trip. They slept in the same tent too. I know my husband, I know his friend, I have no concerns about this.

I'm going to visit a (single) male friend who lives overseas next week. I'll be staying in his apartment. We'll go for dinner, and drinks. And my husband is okay with that too.

It was years ago, and @Freelll has regretted being stubborn about going. We all have regrets about past actions and would do things differently now. That being said, she traveled with old mates. This woman has only come on the scene as a school parent and basketball fan. She is not an old friend of H’s or a close friend of the marriage.

@Freelll, there should be a safe emotional space in your relationship where you can be open and honest about your unsettled feelings and your valid request that he not go to the U.S. with this woman.

There's a lot of factors to think about here.

If your family has the means to travel all the time and can afford to travel/go on trips together several times a year, then your DH going solo for one of the trips with this woman would be less strange.

If it's the one opportunity your family gets for a holiday a year and your DH wants to go with someone else, I would be miffed too.

It also sounds like you don't know this woman well even though she spends a lot of time with your kids and has even gone on holidays with them in the past. I find that a bit strange. Generally speaking if someone was around my family that much I would want to get to know them well, even if we didn't become best friends. It's no wonder you don't trust her if you don't know her.

I have sympathy because I would be very uncomfortable in your situation and would NOT be cool about it but you have shot yourself in the foot by ignoring your DH's feelings about your own holidays with men.

Yes she didn’t give a shit about his feelings, he wasn’t ok about her going with her male friends. Now the shoe is firmly on the other foot, she doesn’t like it.

Nah stuff that my dh wouldn't dare do it I would divorce him if he attempted it i would equally never attempt to just wouldn't happen in this house and our life we actually love to just holiday together

I wouldn't be with DH if he tried to control who I'm close friends with. I've known my best friend who is male for longer than DH and I've ended previous relationships when they thought they had a say in my friendship with him.

My friend is married now too and his wife is ok with it because he also wouldn't be with someone who would try to tell him who he's allowed to be friends with.

Not at all. We've been away together without footie too, it just usually includes footie.

i am still very surprised by this chat. Some people even saying you shouldn’t go out for drinks with someone of the opposite sex? I a married and have been - faithfully - with my husband for 25 years now. We have mutual friends and our own friends and hobbies and all sorts of shared and not shared interests. We didn’t stop our entire lives to just hang out with each other every day. Our friends are similar to us so we have plenty of people to socialise with in various configurations. Neither of us are interested in cheating - and if we were, we could do it without much effort as we both work full time and he works away regularly so we’d both have plenty of opportunity if we were interested. Sounds exhausting personally!

In this particular situation I can’t see what the OP could do as she’s done similar anyway.

I don't do anything I don't agree with just because my husband chooses too.
He didn't like his wife going on holiday with her male mate, why would he then do the same? It's not a tit for tat competition.

Actually it's worse I guess because if the Op has said she's uncomfortable and he knows how this insecurity feels, he's choosing to hurt her. The Op might not have understood his feelings of insecurity when she did it because going away with her friends of either sex was normal. Like many poster on here have said.
And it was in the early days of their relationship when they were clearly working out what their Iives together look like.

This! I’d tel my child that he’s going whether he likes it or not as it’s booked and paid for!

but no I would be telling him either I go too or he doesn’t go

Still find the whole ‘can’t be friends with member of the opposite sex’ thing weird. Must be a hetero thing maybe. I’m bisexual and if I could only hang out or go away with friends who I couldn’t possibly be attracted to…well, erm, I’d be a very, very lonely person 😂 Very glad my DH is trusting and doesn’t have a jealous, possessive bone in his body.

That said, clearly an issue for you but there’s two free tickets, so act like you assumed you were obviously going in one of the boys’ places. What’s he going to do, say no? Job done.

Isn’t there a difference between long standing friendships that may even predate marriage and a recent friendship that excludes the other partner.

I think this is grasping at straws, but it’s also a distinction you’ve invented in this case. OP has provided absolutely no detail about the length of these relationships or how well she knows this other mum or her DH knew her male friends.

Isn’t there a difference between long standing friendships that may even predate marriage and a recent friendship that excludes the other partner.

Given by how much American sport is available on UK it does seem a suspicious holiday, even with the ‘boys’.

if you don’t/can’t join then the boys should be forced to go and next year travel with the other father. Are their tickets refundable?

You don't own your wife, you cannot forbid her to do anything, only object.

I have to say that much as I would absolutely hate my partner going away wirh a female friend, because you've done the same thing wirh male friends - against your hubby's wishes, I don't think you have a leg to stand on. He'd have to be extremely forgiving to cancel. I think your only option is to see if they'll have you along. Good luck!

YABU, firstly because it is hypocritical for you to object to something you have done the equivalent of, secondly, because it is likely you hold the outdated and sexist attitude that a man and a woman cannot have any relationship without sex being a factor, and thirdly, if you cannot trust your husband, why did you get married and are still married to him.

My one and only girlfriend in the past used to go away for trips with male and female friends as she was the outdoorsy type who enjoyed things like rafting and skiing, and I was never bothered. This year, I'm going on a three peaks charity hiking event over the course of a weekend with someone else's wife who has even said she would be comfortable sharing a room with me (she has served in the military in the past and has been overseas with male and female colleagues), her husband doesn't appear to have a problem. Ultimately if someone wants to cheat, they'll cheat, they don't need to spend time away with someone to do that, so the first thing you need to do is take a logical look at your insecurity and ask yourself if it is really justified, as ironically, acting needy and jealous can actually stimulate the thing you are afraid of (an affair).

I guess I'm old fashioned. I think it's totally inappropriate for married people to go on a trip like that with someone of the opposite sex. I'm not even a fan of people taking any long trip if their spouse isn't invited. The same with either partner going out drinking without their spouse. It sets people up for trouble and sometimes temptation .

It would be grounds for divorce in this house! YANBU

No. Bloody. Way.

The thing is, out of the various people you meet, befriend etc, there are those that you feel some sort of frisson with, that you know, in the right circumstances, you would want to have sex with or have a relationship with. This will probably include a percentage of your friends.

Going away one-on-one with someone like that is a raging recipe for disaster. Just add booze, a feeling of increased closeness after time spent together, and you're balls deep in an affair.

Monogamy long-term is an active choice.

Did you quote the wrong person?I agree with you

This is such bad advice, I can assure you men would not hang around women for the conversation. If you have a partner or are married that would be a no go for me.