Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

The number of unhealthy relationships on MN are wild. How do any of you cope when you/your partner is at work? After all some maruding recently single woman may jump your husband. Or your husband may be so overcome he can't help but hump the checkout woman at tesco.

Its a trip to see a sport they both enjoy, one they've made before, and one which wasn't initially planned to be just then.

The only way I'd have a problem with this was if he'd booked a trip with her at the expense of us having any time/ a holiday together.

But I trust my partners, and am also aware that as a grown adults they are free to make his own choices. Keeping them home won't stop them cheating if they want too!

You implied that any one-on-one holiday with an opposite-sex friend is a coupley holiday. I was pointing out a key difference.

A non-coupley holiday (ie what I have done one-on-one with both male and female friends) involves the same first five things but not the last three.
Hope that helps!

Marvelous! If you and your spouse are happy, there are no issues, are there? That's why I said "many people" not "all people ever".

Hope that helps!

A coupley holiday (ie what I do with DP and previous boyfriends) is where we go somewhere, see the sights, eat local food, go hiking, go to bars, kiss and hold hands and have sex.

A non-coupley holiday (ie what I have done one-on-one with both male and female friends) involves the same first five things but not the last three.

Hope that helps!

My male friends' partners are mostly my friends as well (and I have even been on holiday with some of them one-on-one, too). Some of them were my friends first! Some of them hang out with my DP one-on-one and I have no issue with it. They have no problem whatsoever with the very normal scenario of a man and a woman who are not a couple still socialising and travelling together.

Go with them! Problem solved.

But no, you're not being unreasonable. Its different going with the kids, but a married man and another female going on a holiday together is wrong on every level and you NEED TO SPEAK UP! Otherwise you are complicit and making him think this (and then more) is acceptable.

Exactly. It's nothing to do with heterosexual friendships with gay people of which both my DH & I are happy to befriend.

You’ve been on holiday with male friends before? What was the context for that?
I was all ready to say Yanbu until I read that part.

It’s actually making me sad that so many people are restricting their friendships so tightly. So just because I’m married I can no longer have gay women friends or male friends? Am I allowed to have single women friends? What if we have a good friend who is bisexual? Who is allowed to be friends with them?

You can be friends with whoever you like, or indeed holiday with however you like - no-one is restricting you personally.

I also wouldn't say that most people would expect their spouse to not have a range of friends. Many just wouldn't be comfortable with them going away on a coupley holiday with an opposite sex friend, assuming they're hetero.

I guess I thought the concept was that no one should spend time with someone who might find them attractive. In which case my husband should stay away from drinks with a gay man and I should definitely never travel with a gay woman. Or is he meant to avoid travelling with a gay woman? That's even more confusing.

I think the children are getting very uncomfortable about the obvious situation between the two adults.
That's why they opted out.

has regretted being stubborn about going.

No, she regrets it now as it's undermines her position. That's not the same as feeling bad about going on the holiday despite it being hurtful for her husband at the time.

OP is highly unreasonable. Or she fucked her friend and assumes that's what everyone else does.

@CyanMaker

cant go out drinking with friends?!

how controlling

I know I would be saying no bloody way to this! It puts the marriage in serious jeopardy. It also looks hugely disrespectful.

I know it's possible to have friends of the opposite sex that you don't fancy and nothing would ever happen. I'm single and I have a few male friends that I go out with and feel no attraction to ... but equal numbers where it easily could go somewhere.

There was a commenter upthread saying the female friend wouldn't initiate sex, only men make the moves. This is bollocks! I've made a move plenty of times and sometimes it's reciprocated (but not always). Women aren't passive creatures, they're quite capable of being the initiator and changing the dynamic.

I would just be very uneasy about this whole idea and have to be vocal, even if it made me a hypocrite.

With all due respect nobody has criticised friendships within heterosexual marriage with people in the gay community. That's a totally different concept.

Don't get why the kids are calling the shots here. Tell the kids to stick with the original plan if it's already been booked.

YABU. You dont have a leg to stand on knowing you've done it to him when he wasnt happy about it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, you shouldn't have done something that made him unhappy if you knew you'd be unhappy about it yourself. Now its come back to bite you on the arse. Tough shit imo!

It’s actually making me sad that so many people are restricting their friendships so tightly. So just because I’m married I can no longer have gay women friends or male friends? Am I allowed to have single women friends? What if we have a good friend who is bisexual? Who is allowed to be friends with them?

It is a shame to rule out friendships with such a high proportion of the population just based on having a specific relationship with one specific person. And quite odd to think I should only socialise with my husband. As we have no babysitters, ever, I would have to stay home with him every single night instead of us taking turns going out with our friends sometimes? That would be quite sad.

tonight I’m going to the theatre with my friend’s husband. He loves musicals. I love musicals. Our spouses do not. Easy solution was found! We will somehow manage not to sleep together while on the bus.

And what about those who have no such boundaries for their own actions but seek to impose one on their partner?

Thankfully respect & common sense prevails. Let those married men & women who deem having a close personal relationship with a single or married member of the opposite sex, which basically excludes the spouse,crack on. The rest of us set boundaries within marriage which are neither paranoid nor filled with lack of trust. It's about respecting each others space while not crossing the line by becoming too emotionally invested & involved within the boundaries of someone else's marriage.

There is no way on God's green earth that I would let that happen, but you have absolutely no right to say no. He told you he didn't want you to go away with male friends (it doesn't matter how many years ago) and you still went anyway - It sounds like more than once? He has played you at your own game 🤷‍♀️

Join them.

How is that different to his trip?

Oh hell no! If I were you, I'd go with them, or just simply say he isn't going. Surely he can cancel and get some money back

I think you just proved pp’s point.

Talk about paranoia.