Page 13 | Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

Freelll · 2025-02-17T21:44:37+00:00

My DH & DS have gone on holiday with DS’s friend and his mother several times in the past. They all share an interest in basketball and travel to the US to watch NBA games. This year, despite booking tickets, the children have decided they want to travel with the friend’s father instead - the friends parents are divorced. However, my DH & this woman, are still planning to travel to the US together, as the tickets have already been paid for. I don’t want him to go on holiday with just her; I have never been 100% comfortable with these trips but decided to keep my mouth shut because I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about. I regret being so blood minded at the time. Is it reasonable to ask him not to go?

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/02/2025 23:05

There’s no way this would happen in my relationship. Either way round. Unfortunately if you have gone on holiday with a man already, i don’t see how you can object to his holiday really..? Because what’s the difference?

BlondeFool · 17/02/2025 23:03

Hufflemuff · 17/02/2025 22:12

You have too much money. Letting the kids just decide to go with the father, when it's all booked and paid for... wtf??

More money than sense.

middleagedandinarage · 17/02/2025 23:00

They'll fuck for sure

MumGuilt101 · 17/02/2025 23:00

But…you did it to him? I don’t really think you have a leg to stand on here.

To be honest your relationship sounds weird to me.

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:57

steff13 · 17/02/2025 22:54

But by that "logic," OP's husband could say that he knows he's not going to make any advances on the friend, so it's fine for them to go. But he couldn't say the same about the guys OP traveled with, so not fine for them to go. 🤷‍♀️

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Yes, he could and would say that.

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:55

OneShoeShort · 17/02/2025 22:51

Her husband "only" had to worry whether she would accept the potential advances of another man - she now has to worry whether he's going to be the one making advances.

Ah yes, how could any of us forget. The natural state of men is to be constantly seeking sex while women are merely passive sexual gatekeepers.

Ask yourself how interested you are in having sex with your male friends.

Now ask a man if he would take the chance to have sex with his female friends.

Theory is all well and good - then life teaches us differently.

Toucan123 · 17/02/2025 22:55

Did you go on holiday with just one male friend, just the two of you? Or was it a group of people including male friends? This makes a big difference I think.

steff13 · 17/02/2025 22:54

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:46

I would guess it's because if anyone has an ulterior motive in such a holiday, it will usually be the man.
Her husband "only" had to worry whether she would accept the potential advances of another man - she now has to worry whether he's going to be the one making advances.

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But by that "logic," OP's husband could say that he knows he's not going to make any advances on the friend, so it's fine for them to go. But he couldn't say the same about the guys OP traveled with, so not fine for them to go. 🤷‍♀️

OneShoeShort · 17/02/2025 22:51

Her husband "only" had to worry whether she would accept the potential advances of another man - she now has to worry whether he's going to be the one making advances.

Ah yes, how could any of us forget. The natural state of men is to be constantly seeking sex while women are merely passive sexual gatekeepers.

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:51

Serpenting · 17/02/2025 22:49

That’s very weird logic, which seems to suggest women have no agency! If the OP hasn’t shagged her male friends on holiday, surely it’s at least as likely her DH can resist the woman he’s accidentally holidaying with?

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No, because I observe that men and women tend to behave differently in these matters. Let's put it another way, I know what men are like!

Serpenting · 17/02/2025 22:49

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:46

I would guess it's because if anyone has an ulterior motive in such a holiday, it will usually be the man.
Her husband "only" had to worry whether she would accept the potential advances of another man - she now has to worry whether he's going to be the one making advances.

Show quote history

That’s very weird logic, which seems to suggest women have no agency! If the OP hasn’t shagged her male friends on holiday, surely it’s at least as likely her DH can resist the woman he’s accidentally holidaying with?

treesandsun · 17/02/2025 22:48

If he wanted to get up to no good - he could the times he was there with your son - in fact he had your son as 'cover'. Do you have any reason to distrust him? When he said he didn't like you going away with your friend - what did you say? Is he not just going to use the same reason you gave?

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:46

Trainr · 17/02/2025 22:36

You’ve been away with your friends and there was no ulterior motive. Why do you think it’s different for him? I think you’re being unreasonable.

I would guess it's because if anyone has an ulterior motive in such a holiday, it will usually be the man.
Her husband "only" had to worry whether she would accept the potential advances of another man - she now has to worry whether he's going to be the one making advances.

Trainr · 17/02/2025 22:36

You’ve been away with your friends and there was no ulterior motive. Why do you think it’s different for him? I think you’re being unreasonable.

TheM55 · 17/02/2025 22:34

Got to say, I am also coughing more about the double flight cost for the boys, but let's assume it was all cancellable. So now it is just the two of them, enjoying something they have in common. That said, it all depends on trust. I have been away on hols with work colleagues and friends (male and female) would I have slept with any of them?, absolutely not, cannot think of anything worse. Has any of them tried it on, yes ! Does my OH go away plenty with mates (yes) and do I think he is going to sleep with any of them or someone else (probably not). Only you can decide what you are comfortable with and how much you trust your partner. Hope this helps x

Whammyyammy · 17/02/2025 22:28

Sorry. Wouldn't be happening 🏀🍻🍆

madamweb · 17/02/2025 22:26

It sounds like you are both in an open relationship tbh.

I would say you are unreasonable but why is it one rule for you and another for him?

XWKD · 17/02/2025 22:15

Tough. You went on holidays with male friends against his wishes. Now it's his turn (with a woman).

scanni · 17/02/2025 22:15

This year, despite booking tickets, the children have decided they want to travel with the friend’s father instead

This is utterly ridiculous. The children should just be told 'no' becsue the tickets are already booked. I can't understand why people let children dictate stuff to this level.

Hufflemuff · 17/02/2025 22:12

You have too much money. Letting the kids just decide to go with the father, when it's all booked and paid for... wtf??

steff13 · 17/02/2025 22:11

Does he know you're uncomfortable? I mean, you went with your male friends even though it made your husband uncomfortable, so I don't know that I'd necessarily blame him if he went anyway.

Could you go?

BurgundyZero · 17/02/2025 22:11

Sauce for the goose...

superamazingtoday · 17/02/2025 22:10

Would fly in my house.

pizzaHeart · 17/02/2025 22:09

How many times you went on a holiday with your male friend and what was the set up?
what did your DH tell you about it at the point of planning?

SkaneTos · 17/02/2025 22:06

So you went on holiday with male friends before, and your husband was unhappy about that?
What was your conservation like before that holiday/those holiday?