I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

The ‘guns out for the disabled’ threads aren’t even trying to be subtle anymore.

Her bad days are probably really bad and she has a need of showing the best of her life because those good days are such a contrast to the bad. Regarding work only she can decide that. I have a lot of experience with MS. I had a parent with very progressive MS who couldn't work at all as they were disabled and in a wheelchair from very early diagnosis and line managed a colleague with MS who had good days and bad days. The colleague did work for years so yes, many can work with this condition, if that is your point, depends on the individual, but this colleague didn't have children so I can imagine that extra responsibility would take a lot more pressure.

I think that being envious of other people's apparent "wealth" on benefits eclipses the main issue that wages have stagnated since the crash in 2008 - 16 YEARS AGO.

With respect to the level of benefits, analysis of official OECD data reveals that "after two months of joblessness, the UK provides its citizens support worth 17% of their previous in-work income - compared to 90% in Belgium.
^The UK replacement rate is substantially lower than every other northwestern European country, including Luxembourg (85%), Norway (78%), Denmark (78%), Iceland (75%), Switzerland (74%), Sweden (72%), The Netherlands (69%), France (66%), Germany (66%), Finland (57%), Austria (57%) and Ireland (54%)". (https://www.euronews.com/business/2023/08/03/this-country-has-the-worst-unemployment-benefits-in-northern-europe)^

The narrative that people are exploiting the system rather than working is poisonous.

We should be focusing on supporting those who can't work, and making companies pay better wages rather than expecting the state to top up dismal pay while they make ever higher profits for shareholders who do nothing to earn that money. But I don't hear anyone complaining about people living off the dividends that we pay for via excessive price-gouging.

You know she can spend her PIP money on what she wants? She's living as best life she can while she can. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I live with a chronic illness and have just been added one on top of everything else. I have applied for PIP and got refused. I will apply again but it is a very very hard benefit to get and the hoops you have to jump through. It could all be taken away just like that too. Her car isn't 'free'. You loose some of your benefits to pay for it and I think you have to pay an amount upfront and again it can be taken away from her. Just think that you have employment and a guaranteed income. You can work for pay increases. You won't be confined to your home in years to come like a lot of us are and depend on our dc and dh to help in the house. As for those mums at school they are really nasty and I hope they don't make that mum feel uncomfortable at drop off and pick up.

TBH, I usually agree with some of the posts lambasting benefit claimants, when they’re doing it fraudulently or /choosing benefits as a lifestyle option, but MS is a progressive illness, and gets quite debilitating, so I would say in this case she is very much entitled to what she receives. You should just be grateful that you have your health and your life expectancy is going to be lot longer than hers.

Oh, it's a benefits bashing thread AND a disability bashing thread. And who said you don't get value for money these days.

People like you genuinely disgust me. Sanctimonious, self-righteous. And you call yourself her friend. You don't be, but you should be ashamed.

This.

Just stop OP. Each post is getting worse.

You're not going to encourage people on the mean bandwagon.

You've enough school DM's supporting your wicked rampage. I pity you, if you're still in communication with this "friend" in decade, you'll feel like such a dick.

Social media is trash. Yeah you're seeing her good days, you have no idea the extent of her suffering and difficulties behind closed doors.

I'm disabled, working two days a week is killing me and I'd swap places with an able bodied person in a heart beat.

The mobility component of PIP is used to pay for the car.

I always wonder with threads like these and people like the OP, would your life feel immeasurably better if thos woman were at home unable to do a thing, struggling to afford food, really suffering in addition to having poor health? Because why does it affect you so much that she has a few nice things that she posts on social media?

The amount of money she has and what she does with it, makes zero difference to your life so why does it affect you so much? If she won the lottery tomorrow, it wouldn't affect you at all. If she became bankrupt, lost her benefits and was homeless, it would make no difference to you, so stop letting it concern you.

I will say I am someone with ill health, I dont post on social media but if I did you would see a couple nice things every now and then. You would even see this year a nice holiday. That holiday is being paid for by a family member. What you won't see is how in the last year ive left my house under 10 times, most of those have been for medical appointments. Aside from that I have been out a couple times because my health has been so bad I'm pretty much housebound and struggling so bad, my mental and physical health are dire. But you would see a holiday post and be jealous. However I doubt you would swap lives, especially as that holiday where I would likely post lovely pictures, I will probably get 1 or 2 good says in those 2 weeks because the rest will absolutely wipe me out and I will suffer for those 1 or 2 days.

Stop thinking from a tiny snapshot you know everything about a person. Focus on your own life and not other people's, especially when the state of their health, wealth and day to day living dont affect you at all.

I'm sure she has parents, a former partner, siblings, other family members that have contributed to the system. Some people are born never able to contribute. We have a social system where we look after those who are less fortunate than us. That's a good thing. Yes, some will put in more than others. That's just how it is. One day you may need to call on them yourself. I've seen enough of life to know how very unpredictable it is.

Also, there are more ways to contribute in society than just through taxes. Maybe she does some of those and you're lacking in those areas?

She definitely isn’t funding all that on benefits OP.

so either she’s getting a hell of a lot of maintenance from their dads orrrr she’s got another income source you don’t know about, my DH is disabled and he's never been able to afford to live on disability benefits and works full time.

I think it’s easy to compare our lives with others on SM, however it isn’t real life.

The only person who’s tone deaf is you with this thread. Come back to us in 2 years and 5 years time and let us know how your “friend” is doing. Bet you won’t be so jealous then. Absolutely sick in the head to begrudge someone with this absolutely ghastly hellish condition a half decent existence before it goes to shit.

Go ahead @sparrowhae. I think there are many people who need to hear the truth of it, bluntly stated. They really think that a bit of cash for days out wipes all of that out. Lay it on them.

Sorry to post that - I'm aware it's frightening. My relative lives with MS. The idea that people like OP are quietly resenting her horrifies me.

Sorry to be dark there. Not many chances to say it.

So scary. That's how mine will kill me in the end. Either lung function or swallow. Damn right I will push myself when I can. I'm terrified.

Still envy your mate OP?

Some of the most common causes of death in MS patients are secondary complications resulting from immobility, chronic urinary tract infections, compromised swallowing and breathing.

I'm disabled with a hidden disability & don't work because of it. I would like to think I have some insights.

She probably has good days & bad. The gym & keeping active may well be a constant fight to maintain her current abilities.

You only see when she looks well. Most of my family & friends have no idea how bad it is for me so you will have no idea. And social media is what we want people to see!

If she isn't working due to disability & gets full UC for 2 kids + maintenance she will have a decent enough income.

I was always better off working & I would give any money to have my health back.

You sound frustrated with your life but tbh if you feel this way, you should probably stop being her "friend"

This (about the curated side) is a really good point. I don't have MS but I do have other longterm conditions that impact what I can cope with day to day, and while I can't claim my life is as hard as that of someone with MS, my social media profiles definitely reflect the good days and that actually helps my mental health, to be able to look back on the good stuff during tough times. Celebrating those times is extra important when there's chronic ill health in the mix.

Dd

I disagreed with you but I kind of saw your point until you said this.

My son is autistic and will probably never contribute to the system but he will need to take from it.

He might never achieve formal qualifications, he might never have meaningful friendships, he might never have a relationship, and unless he can find an employer who is willing to go above and beyond to accomodate him, he'll probably never work.

Why should someone's worthiness of being supported by our benefit system be reliant on them having contributed towards it? Can you not see the ableism in this?

I'm sorry, you want kudos because you haven't been even more unpleasant about someone you claim to consider a friend? Well, I've heard it all now.

You seem to have no understanding of MS either, it's a bit more than being 'poorly' ffs. Isn't it a pity people can't swap lives, then you could have your friend's life that you seem to think is so fab, complete with her longterm incurable debilitating condition. I'm sure she'd swap in a heartbeat.

Be careful what you wish for.