Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

336 replies

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:05

I have an "friend" who is on benefits. She receives universal credit, PIP ( for MS) and has a car on the motability scheme. I know she has MS and has bad days but she lives a very active life...goes to the gym regularly, goes on active days out with the children each week and has a very active social life. This friend has literally never ever worked a job. She had kids young and has always been on benefits. Her dc have expensive hobbies such as horse riding and golf and are also season ticket holders at a premiership football club. She has none of the dc fathers on the scene and her family don't have much to do with them. She is constantly posting pictures on social media of her dc doing their hobbies and expensive days out. They are currently on a very expensive long haul holiday for half term. Its really starting to grate on me that she doesn't work and never has but lives this type of lifestyle while i work full time and as well as being constantly knackered i would struggle to afford her lifestyle. I know im being unreasonable but she seems very tone deaf when posting all this stuff on social media when so many are struggling to pay bills. I really don't want to be bitter but its winding me up!

OP posts:
Original poster
smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:59

Fencehedge · 17/02/2025 21:56

Be honest. You didn't 'NEED' to vent, you wanted to bitch, and hoped people would agree with you.

I hope she posts more and more of her great days out on social media. She SHOULD be fucking proud.

You however, dear, should be ashamed of yourself.

Not true at all! If I wanted to " bitch" i would have used the terms that i have heard being said about her by others! I just wanted to vent and understand why i felt this resentful

OP posts:
JustAboutHangingInThere · 17/02/2025 21:59

She has MS. Get a grip. Your post is so out of order.

1smallhamsterfoot · 17/02/2025 21:58

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:57

I know she can't help being poorly and would obviously rather she didn't have her illness ( she was diagnosed 2 years ago) i think what gets me is that shes taken so much from a system that she has never ever contributed to and probably never will contribute to. Her eldest dc has now had a dc and is also living on benefits.

Quit work and sign on then if it's such a fabulous lifestyle choice.

Queenofthejabs · 17/02/2025 21:58

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:31

I know im unreasonable because i have my health but i also know that other friends and school mums think the same as me because ive overheard them discussing it.

Oh that makes it ok then.Confused

how bitchy,

Original poster
smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:57

I know she can't help being poorly and would obviously rather she didn't have her illness ( she was diagnosed 2 years ago) i think what gets me is that shes taken so much from a system that she has never ever contributed to and probably never will contribute to. Her eldest dc has now had a dc and is also living on benefits.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 17/02/2025 21:57

Ph3 · 17/02/2025 21:51

@smileitlightsupyourface - so is this because she is receiving benefits that thou think she shouldn’t be receiving? If that is the case I agree with you. Benefits aren’t (shouldn’t be) for everyone. Of course she cannot help her disability and MS is brutal I have a family member with it but benefits shouldn’t be automatically dished out because she has. If she has a comfortable living where she can afford all of this she doesn’t need PIP. It should go to those who need it. But… it’s a case of does she have this life because she is on PIP (which I assume not as from my understanding benefits are that much) or she gets other income? That’s really what matters

PIP isn't means tested.

AngelicKaty · 17/02/2025 21:57

Quitelikeit · 17/02/2025 21:15

Doubt she could afford all that on benefits alone or maybe she is just really savvy with her spending

I thought you lost a big chunk of money if you got a car anyway?

I think I know what you mean, but you don't so much "lose" money as the Motability Scheme deducts payments from your benefit each month to pay for the car lease. I take your point though - she doesn't get the car in addition to her benefits

EdithBond · 17/02/2025 21:56

BulbousFrog · 17/02/2025 21:43

I'm going to chime in here as someone who is a single parent with MS. To the outside I might look really "healthy" and "active". I go to the gym 3 times a week for example. If I didn't, I'd be much, much more disabled than I am. It's a degenerative, progressive illness so you either use it or loose it (for ever). So yes, I walk places when I could get the bus etc. because if I don't, it will speed up the day when I can't walk at all.

But to compensate, behind closed doors it's my teen DC that do the laundry, cook dinner several nights a week, I pay for a cleaner, and I need to rest a lot. I'm in constant neuropathic pain. Out of nowhere I can loose the sight in one eye for months at a time. There's never any guarantee that it will always come back in any functional way, and it's definitely very far from fully recovered after the last time. I'm really lucky that I can work part time from home.

So that's why people with MS get PIP. Even disabled people can keep fit and healthy, as much as possible.

This.

Fencehedge · 17/02/2025 21:56

Be honest. You didn't 'NEED' to vent, you wanted to bitch, and hoped people would agree with you.

I hope she posts more and more of her great days out on social media. She SHOULD be fucking proud.

You however, dear, should be ashamed of yourself.

Hwi · 17/02/2025 21:55

Why don't people compare themselves with people who are worse off and having done so, count their blessings?

Frostynoman · 17/02/2025 21:53

Are you going to get satisfaction when she’s unable to do anything such as drive, go to the gym, enjoy days out etc? Because that’s the other end of this spectrum and it’s pretty ugly.

1smallhamsterfoot · 17/02/2025 21:51

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:31

I know im unreasonable because i have my health but i also know that other friends and school mums think the same as me because ive overheard them discussing it.

My OH and I don't work. As I care for them (paranoid schizophrenia). My neighbours are dicks like you, I know they all wonder how we don't work and think we deal drugs or something equally ridiculous. Would you rather have MS?
Trust me, we aren't living a life of luxury, we struggle every day.

Ph3 · 17/02/2025 21:51

@smileitlightsupyourface - so is this because she is receiving benefits that thou think she shouldn’t be receiving? If that is the case I agree with you. Benefits aren’t (shouldn’t be) for everyone. Of course she cannot help her disability and MS is brutal I have a family member with it but benefits shouldn’t be automatically dished out because she has. If she has a comfortable living where she can afford all of this she doesn’t need PIP. It should go to those who need it. But… it’s a case of does she have this life because she is on PIP (which I assume not as from my understanding benefits are that much) or she gets other income? That’s really what matters

Fencehedge · 17/02/2025 21:48

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:31

I know im unreasonable because i have my health but i also know that other friends and school mums think the same as me because ive overheard them discussing it.

Then they're a bunch of unfeeling ignorant bastards too. I hope they all fall down the stairs.

Redfred00 · 17/02/2025 21:48

I'm sure she would prefer her health and more time with her kids.

Iwiicit · 17/02/2025 21:47

FFS get a grip of yourself. She has MS. Just jog on and mind your own business.
Stop being such a bitter, shallow and twisted individual.

CharlotteCChapel · 17/02/2025 21:44

She's not getting this on benefits, they don't even pay your rent in full. My guess is one or more fathers are paying maintenance

JMSA · 17/02/2025 21:44

Anonym00se · 17/02/2025 21:37

I have a friend with MS. Her 6 year old dd has just been taken into care because she’s no longer well enough to take care of her, and there’s nobody else in the family who can take her. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. This may be what lies further down the line for your “friend”. Don’t begrudge those poor children some happy memories because one day it will be all they have.

Oh my God Sad

Gemmawemma9 · 17/02/2025 21:44

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:31

I know im unreasonable because i have my health but i also know that other friends and school mums think the same as me because ive overheard them discussing it.

Then they’re just as much a gang of arseholes as you are.
Your friend has a lifelong incurable illness. Have a fucking word with yourself.

NoSoupForU · 17/02/2025 21:43

Plainly, it's bollocks. Universal credit and pip are just not funding all that. A mobility car removes the mobility component of PIP too, which is about £320 a month.

And for Christ's sake stop following people on social media that make you feel shit about your very normal life.

BulbousFrog · 17/02/2025 21:43

I'm going to chime in here as someone who is a single parent with MS. To the outside I might look really "healthy" and "active". I go to the gym 3 times a week for example. If I didn't, I'd be much, much more disabled than I am. It's a degenerative, progressive illness so you either use it or loose it (for ever). So yes, I walk places when I could get the bus etc. because if I don't, it will speed up the day when I can't walk at all.

But to compensate, behind closed doors it's my teen DC that do the laundry, cook dinner several nights a week, I pay for a cleaner, and I need to rest a lot. I'm in constant neuropathic pain. Out of nowhere I can loose the sight in one eye for months at a time. There's never any guarantee that it will always come back in any functional way, and it's definitely very far from fully recovered after the last time. I'm really lucky that I can work part time from home.

So that's why people with MS get PIP. Even disabled people can keep fit and healthy, as much as possible.

JMSA · 17/02/2025 21:42

MS is horrendous though. The poor woman must live in fear of what will happen when she dies, especially if her kids' fathers aren't on the scene Sad

Fargo79 · 17/02/2025 21:42

People read absolute bollocks like this and then vote Reform because they've swallowed it all. Zero critical thinking or common sense.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 17/02/2025 21:40

She must be amazing at budgeting to enjoy such a fun life as a single parent on benefits.

I know it's frustrating to see others getting an easier time, however getting annoyed isn't going to change anything

Maybe scam dla for yourself, if you think you would be better off. (Joking).

I can't believe you are begrudging a person with MS, a life sentence.

Hankunamatata · 17/02/2025 21:39

She has life sentence of MS, who knows how long she has