To not give my teen DD medication

Also, just to say, theoretically I was “coping” without the meds, but it’s the difference between surviving and thriving.

I had OCD with intrusive thoughts. Medication was honestly a life saver. It was like there were subtitles in my head all the time telling me people hated me, or that the worst was going to happen. Just overlaid over all my thoughts. The medication was like someone switching those subtitles off.

I was on sertraline and the first week or two were a bit rough in terms of side effects, but after that the difference was immense.

This is true.

I would tend to avoid it myself. I think we really don't know about the long term effects of a lot of these medications on teens.

And the long-term effects of not using medication can be fatal.

I would tend to avoid it myself. I think we really don't know about the long term effects of a lot of these medications on teens.

So if she's coping, I would be really pressing the doctor on why now is supposedly the time to start medication. What specifically do they want to accomplish, or avoid.

I also think that when people learn to cope with a condition in other ways, long term it is often more effective than medication.

As for the idea that the doctors know what they are doing and is best, I call bollocks on that. They may well be making the right recommendation, but plenty of doctors are idiots, or just do the same thing in every case and don't really think much about the individual, or never really consider the long term. Just as an example, my father was on many psychiatric drugs for years, under care of a doctor. In his 70s he had some serious health problems, and the doctors whose care he was under were shocked at the number and quantities, which materially contributed to kidney damage and diabetes. His doctor just for years was very drug oriented and never wanted to take patients off meds, and never took seriously the long term side effects. When they did take him off most of them, over the course of a year, he felt much better.

It's really important for you, and especially your daughter now that she is entering adulthood, to have a handle on what the doctor is trying to accomplish, what to expect for a good result, and when a drug is not useful and should be stopped. So - ask lots of questions is my advice.

Medication has been life changing for my daughter, she only started then at 16.. I wish she had started years earlier

My teen DD is ASD and ADHD.

Life for her has been and continues to be extremely challenging. Both ADHD medication and Antidepressants/ anti anxiety meds have helped massively.

It's good that you are able to self reflect and see that this is largely down to your wish that she didn't have these challenges.

However she does have challenges, and she is struggling. So yes, even though none of us wanted this for our DCs, it's important to put our own ideals and wishes to one side and take the emotion out of it.

Side effects only happen to some and don't typically last for a long time. If you are prepared for them they seem easier to deal with if they come. They may not.

If they could genuinely help your DD and professionals have recommended it then it's actually not kind to deny them

You can try them for a period of time. It's up to her. If they improve things then great. Put aside your own feelings. You love her and want things to be better for her.

She may not need them forever

When I needed meds about ten years ago they helped massively with my own mental health. I rallied against them for ages for the same reason as you. But once I took them, I was so grateful for them. Having first hand experience of how helpful they were to me meant I was less reticent about DD being on them.

I appreciate it takes a while to come to terms with our DCs diagnosis, and accepting the fact that they have things to contend with. The last 5 years have been a huge struggle for DD and it's unfair. But it could also be a lot worse.

One thing that my DD said to me always sticks in my mind is

'It's about time you started parenting the child you have rather than the one you thought you'd have'
It's never left me and she was so right.

Coming from a parent who delayed giving her child adhd medication because I was worried re side effects... I really wish we started it earlier because he would have struggled so much less. I have such regret.

It depends how much she is struggling.

I worked with a girl a similar age and her dad refused to medicate her too.

I completely got where he was coming from as I avoid medication myself if I can help it but she was in distress and it was not healthy for her to be feeling the way she was.
She went on to self harm and he still refused medication.

Unfortunately she became violent to herself and others and wasn’t safe to be in our unit, so I’m not sure what happened in the end.

But ultimately she could not lead a normal teen life and her quality of life was not very good.
A bit of medication could have helped so much.

This is a big decision and I’m glad you’re not taking it lightly but remember it doesn’t have to be permanent.

See that your daughter gets her medication.
Fellow ASD and OCD person here. Had to mask and adjust all my life, since this wasn't available in my time (and my parents were arseholes anyway).
There is a saying: "If being daft caused zero gravity, some people would be flying like turtle doves".

What medication? The "risks" are very different, say if it's Sertraline (no risks to health) or lithium...

Ultimately though, you should support your daughter in whatever decision she makes.

The anxiety that often goes hand in hand with asd does get treated with medication, so does severe ocd

So your daughter has been assessed as needing medication and is struggling in many aspects at school but because she gets good grades you dont want to give her meds? Cant you see how silly that is, she deserves to have the full experience at school, it's not all about grades etc theres obviously enough issues to get to cahms so why not listen to them?

Why does it matter if shes on it long term if it makes her life better? And you dont even know if she will have a single side effect and if she was they can change things.

Try and be more positive about this, medicine isnt prescribed willy nilly for that age group and you are probably looking at things through rose-tinted glasses saying you dont think she needs it

It depends on what kind of medication ? My 15 y old ASD with heavy OCD is on Sertraline, no side effects. It does make his like easier because his OCD makes his life unbearable without the medication. If it's antipsychotics I would be very wary. We have tried this when he went through an aggressive period and it made him even angrier and hungry all the time.

Your DD is 15. If she is deemed to have capacity, it is her choice, not yours whether or not she take the medication. You have no say in the matter.

Could you and your DD talk to someone at YoungMinds about your concerns? It’s valid to be worried about side effects. Your DD is presumably Gillick-competent and can make her own mind up.

I'm on anatriptoleen for my asd anxiety and a few years ago they wanted to change it to 1 of the newer meds and I fought them tooth and nail (having had bad reactions to other ADs before) I won in the end they don't even bring it up now.
@Foxjonessssss please follow the medical advice, she deserves the chance of an easier life.

There is medication available for the symptoms of ASD - I'm on it.

Just wanted to add, my ASD related anxiety wasn’t treated in childhood. Maybe if it was, I wouldn’t need medication for the rest of my life. DD’s psychiatrist explained that was the goal in treating children. To help interrupt the bad neural pathways that were forming and give her a chance to not need medication and therapy as an adult .

asd doesnt get treated with medication as far as i know
adhd does

I really wish someone had given me medication for my ASD and OCD years ago. It’s been life changing for me.
She probably is ‘managing’ but meds might mean she can do more than just manage. I managed school etc too but it was so hard and I had a massive burn out after my A levels. Meds might have prevented that.

I know you say she doesn’t mind, but does she know how anti-meds you are? She might want to but not want to upset you. She needs to decide for herself.

Your daughter is 15 not 5.

It is now up to her not you whether she takes the medication she is prescribed.

Your best bet is to encourage her to take it as prescribed, and note both improvements and side effects.

Some people who are ND find medication helps them while others don't.

Btw my DP is on medication and I start to freak out if he can't get his prescription filled.

Best practice is a small dose of medication combined with therapy for ASD children. It helps the therapy be more effective.

dd went on medication for a bit and then they weaned her off once she was in a better place. It doesn’t have to be forever.

I on the other hand will make them pry my sertraline from my cold dead hands. That stuff is a magic pill for my ASD brain. It’s what lets me look at my anxiety and go, “oh, you are anxiety, I’m not supposed to let you ruin my life”. I have the skills to make it go away, but without the ability to see it, I can’t use them.

don’t stand in your DD’s way. Right now she has an opportunity that may be hard to get again. Let her take it.

Please don't deny your DD the medication she deserves.

If she was physically unwell, you would treat her. You need to treat her mental illness too.