Partner changed their mind on cohabitation agreement

@WeightLoss2025 the agreement is not fair at all. It doesn’t prepare for illness or children. How is the agreement fair in your opinion? And whilst marriage might be a legal contract the relationship that underpins the marriage is far from it and if it’s not treated that what before marriage there is no point imo to enter in the legal contract that is marriage.

Is this a reverse? Girl get out

I think you're getting a really hard time on here and it's unnecessary.

Put all the romantic nonsense aside and marriage is a legal contract. One that many people lose their shirts on. The agreement you had is very fair - you each leave the relationship with what you came into it with financially, and will split any profit on property/joint assets 50/50z

Youve said in the event of having children you would support her financially as well as, presumable, physically and emotionally by taking leave.

She has reneged on this agreement - red flag. She appears to want to get pregnant without your agreement from the instance with the condoms - massive red flag. You've been in therapy together for 12 months - another massive red flag.

Just out of curiosity, what age is she? I ask because you're getting a hard time on the IVF front, but from what I can gather she has just opted to go for egg retrieval and presumably will freeze them for potential use down the line? Many women choose to do this on their own so I understand why you may not be overly involved in this process.

I would absolutely opt out of this relationship. Too many red flags, too little trust and life is just too short.

I am so confused - she came off birth control to do IVF?

I don’t have an issue with you wanting to protect your assets at this point but it makes no sense if you are planning marriage / kids.

Why are you, a Canadian man, posting on Mumsnet about this? Your laws are completely different and we don't know anything about what a cohabitation agreement means in your country. If you're that keen for a woman's perspective, well, talk to your girlfriend for a start, secondly talk to a female relative who knows you well (not a female friend you can spin your own side of the story with), and maybe thirdly try a Canadian forum where they will at least be familiar with these set-ups. If you must post here then can you at least edit your OP to make clear what a cohabitation agreement is to you?

This sounds an absolutely miserable relationship. You're not on the same page about anything and have been on a down for a good percentage of it. Just split and find someone you can build a partnership with where there's better odds of being happy, especially if children are part of your plan. Personally I'd never marry anyone I didn't want to combine finances with and be a full team, but appreciate people have different ways of organising money. I'd have to find someone who matched me if I was to remarry and I'd recommend you do the same.

Wall-to-wall idiocy is an excellent phrase.

This is not the foundations of a stable, loving and peaceful relationship. She has broken up with you three times and you both been in therapy for the best part of the year.

You cannot have an agreement for every eventuality of life. Plus, you are giving her costs before she even starts - she needs to consult a lawyer and then the contract may need to be re-negotiated with her legal advice (has she actually had any legal advice yet? Who is paying for this?)
Honestly, she would be best off breaking up with you a fourth time and staying broken up.

Plus if you don’t want to have sex without a condom, with a woman who wishes a child, do not have sex. It’s that simple.

Actually, just call it a day already and move on.

I've been married 25 years and the only time we have thought about having councilling, was after the birth of my first son. We had been together 8 years before that. If your not strong now a baby will add pressures like you wouldn't believe. Think carefully before bringing a child in to this relationship.

@NeatBiscuit i have to say this update really re enforces the idea that you 2 should not be together. And maybe something to consider for a future relationship whilst I am not a fan of pre nuptial agreements as I think it sets the wrong a pre nuptial imo should (if you deem it necessary) refer to assets that have been acquired before the marriage not during. During the marriage it should be a partnership.

You've not explained why you moved in together before she signed the agreement. Also why stay together when you've already broken up 3 times in 1.5 years. This relationship is not meant to be.

And this is exactly why you both need a cohabitation agreement. If you can’t sort out finances now, it’s not difficult to imagine what it would be like if your relationship ended.

You have to be able to talk about money sensibly without either of you having a fit of the vapours. Just exactly what is the basis on which you’re getting together? You could book to see a financial mediator and learn how to talk about money like grown ups.

Tumultuous 1.5 years? Wtf are you doing? How can you have broken up 3 times in that time and she’s already harvesting eggs?

This is just wall to wall idiocy.

I think that you shouldn't get married or have children until you are able to take more of a 'risk'. If you have children then (in my opinion) you form a partnership and work together for common goals. This can mean that at some points you are contributing more and vice versa. I think the idea of a 'pre-nup' is not necessarily bad if there is a huge disparity in income but I wonder if you are ready for what a long term relationship actually means I have not seen a situation where one party is not 'disadvantaged' where children are concerned. One of the two of you will have their career disadvantaged in some way or will be resentful if they have to work and never get to spend time with their family. Just imagine in your 'pre-nup' scenario if you got a serious illness, is that grounds for your partner to leave you to it?

Go and buy a robot with all your lovely cash.

Don't have children. Being a parent means putting them first.

I’d leave her.

Youre not ready fur marriage and children. Your main concern is your nice pot of savings and retiring early. oh and have an easy agd calm life. Which isn’t going to happen with a baby in the mix. Not when you’ve split up 3 times in a year.

Fwiw, it think you have no idea of the impact havimg a baby will have on career. Nor do you realise the changes coming with being a family with a baby.
youre seeing yourself just as an individual. Not the two of you together as being a team, a married couple, who is building something together.

Don’t want to be harsh but if it is bad now, it will not get any better. I honestly think this isn’t the right relationship for either of you. Most couples don’t need therapy and most don’t argue much. If either of those are to happen it isn’t usually in the early stages of your relationship!

call it quits and find the right person!

Just fir that, you’re a twat.

IVF is hugely demanding and the fact you’re so detached from it all, as if you dint have anything to do with it, acting as if you can step out of it at any time ‘just because’ would make me question how much you REALLY are invested in said rekationship. Or if you main aim is to protect yourself at all cost (whixh again isn’t a good sign re marriage)

And no ‘being open to renégociation’ is not good enough. Not when said negociations would be done with her been in a much more fragile
position (eg being a new mum, job affected etc etc)

OP you've only been together 1.5years and you say its already been 'tumultuous' and you've been in therapy.

This relationship is not a keeper.

Please don't add children to an already poor relationship. A relationship needs to be really strong to withhold the upheaval and stress a tiny baby brings.

Its clear you do not have confidence in the relationship - that is not a foundation for marriage.

Your update makes it even clearer that you shouldn't marry, op.

Walk away.

Are you planning on taking paternity leave whilst she returns to work say, after 3 months? Because sharing childcare in this way does not in any way reflect the impact on her body in a physical and emotional way.

I would not sign an agreement like that. It is basically mostly 50/50 anyway. But that's always where the woman stands to lose out.

What a weird, transactional relationship. I would not have wanted to marry you.

My DH and I are both professionals but his earning capacity was much greater than mine. I was thinking of having separate accounts but he insisted that we share everything ..........

For what it's worth, I would not expect 50:50 split should we divorce but he insisted he would do this

Op, if someone came to you with a contract which pretty much aimed to push all the risks from a deal onto you, would you sign it?

Now consider that the person who is asking you to do this is meant to love you enough to spend the rest of your lives together.

But going into a marriage forcing your partner to work full time when you have children which might not be for the benefit of the whole family.

the agreement in effect makes it so the g/f’s hands are tied from the moment they marry. What if she is ill after birth? What if it is best for the family if she works part time for while? What if with them both working long hours full time to pay for themselves do they never have time for each other as both so tired? What if they end up arguing as a result? Both parties are incentivised to only look out for themselves and not each other. That is not a recipe for a happy marriage!