Partner changed their mind on cohabitation agreement

You can not successfully have children and act like two separate units.
Find someone who wants a relationship where you do not live together and do not have children.

You seem to have single handedly zapped the joy out of your relationship - perhaps by being overly stuffy and regimented.
Sorry, not trying to be rude.

I'm getting Mark Corrigan vibes here.........

This is really sensible. Although, considering she hasn't signed it yet, is digging her heels in, and then said she was going to sign one as 'a gift,' along with fussing about you wanting to wear a condom, would send alarm bells ringing.
Perhaps time to consider giving her a deadline either verbally or keep it to yourself, regarding signing. Then if she still hasn't, move out.
From childhood experience and the more I age, I've come to realize you have to protect what is yours because when the shit hits the fan and money etc is involved, people's greedy sides start to come out.

You'll be common law partners then, after 12 months of cohabitation, and she already has some rights - though I believe division of assets varies with which province.

God. Why do you even want a partner at all. Your relationship with her is about as passionate as mine with my mortgage lender.

Yeah, because luurrve solves it all.

Take a look at the daily posts on MN from legions of women who hooked up with/married/procreated with assholes because they were blinded by "love." And what their lives often have ended up. Impoverished, bitter, permanently single parents with abusive exes, ruined careers, often sole responsibility for raising the botched-up offspring who will have emotional / social /educational problems for life.

But hey, at least they weren't "transactional," right? At least they weren't so "cold" as to discern and spell out their expectations and obligations and philosophy in advance of tying themselves legally and economically to another person.

🙄

I salute the OP for analyzing things in advance.

It sounds like you don't see a future with her!

1. If you're getting married with a view to spending the rest of your life together, why do you feel a need for this agreement?! (I don't care much for prenups either).
2. If she's at a stage where she needs to harvest eggs for IVF, then surely you SHOULD be trying to have a baby naturally unless she's medically unfit?

I'd be hurt that you clearly don't want to share your life and fortunes with me. Ironically my DH probably brought the most money into our marriage but over the years, inheritance means I've brought that amount tenfold. Guess what? It's in our joint bank account.

This sounds all very transactional and no mention of love. Who in their right mind would want to be in a relationship like this. If money is so important to you don't get married.

You sound weird.

You both earn good salaries. There was zero reason for you to come up with this weird contract agreement, and I'm not surprised she hasn't signed it yet.

I hope she hasn't wasted her fertile years on you. She needs to leave asap and find a normal man who isn't scared of normal commitment.

Whatever you do, do not marry her without her signing the agreement. Protect your money and assets. Always. There are plenty of other women, if this doesn't work out.

And don't have unprotected sex.

I don't think some men can understand how many women are left with long term / life long conditions or disabilities after carrying and birthing children.

My DNeice needed 3 major operations after the birth of her first child. She wanted a second child so waited until they were born before having the 3 ops, and in the years in between was basically double incontinent.

She'll never be 'right' but it's hidden and she just has to get on with life. She now and probably always will work PT because of the legacy of that difficult birth and struggled with PND as well (unsurprisingly!)

Not sure how OP would financially compensate for that scenario?

I don't really understand why you want to marry when you don't want the fundamental aspects of marriage?

You just want the 'fun' stuff like a wedding and a partner who is locked in?

You don't need to disincentive someone to divorce you, all marriages require work to make them work, you can't mitigate some elements of this without it having a knock on effect.

I wouldn't marry someone like you, nor would she, just agree to go your separate ways and find people who have more aligned values.

Read all of your posts and you sound unaware of what commitment really means and your ‘terms’ for marriage are far from what many would see as ideal.. it is all about money and value and you seem to think you can have a deep partnership whilst not really being 100% trusting? I’d say you’ve got trust issues and no way in hell would I have a baby with someone who has your values. I think you’d be better breaking it off and letting her go. You’re not open enough for a relationship let alone marriage or kids.

This does not sound like a loving, mutually supportive, trusting or respectful relationship.

If you have been living together 1.5 years and having such trouble for one year then it sounds as if you aren't really a match but trying to force one? Only wanting to be intimate if a partner doesn't use contraception isn't good. How old are you both? Are you both hanging a lot on this as you feel you don't have time to or want to start again? Financially, do you recognise that it's difficult to split the hit 50/50? You can split parental leave etc but she's still going to be the one carrying a child, childbirth and all that goes with both. Maybe it won't have any impact on her current and future income and pensions but maybe it will. How are household tasks dealt with do you split the planning and doing? Do you outsource as much as possible and if so who arranges and plans it and who pays for it? Same with future children. I imagine you plan on splitting costs of having kids 50:50 but who will do all the planning and arrangements as the children grow for childcare, sickness, all the things in a child's life?

I would not be with someone I couldn't have regular civil conversations about important stuff. She has put this off for a very long time. She sounds way too high drama. I don't know how much is do to her being manipulative vs troubled and immature, but what difference does it make? She's not a good partner and sounds like she'd be an unstable parent.

I don’t blame you for wanting to protect yourself. It sounds like she has decided she won’t sign this agreement. You have to decide if you’ll leave if she doesn’t. Personally I would leave if my partner agreed to something like this and then just won’t do it.

Well the fact that OP is being responsible with birth control while his GF is upset that he didn't bareback despite her going through egg retrieval which could cause a multiple pregnancy, I'd say one of them is definitely an asshole here, and its not OP!

Relationships shouldn’t be so difficult at this stage. Instinctively from what I have read so far, I don’t think she’s the one for you. Sorry if that is difficult to hear, just being honest.

Stop wasting your life and move on OP, you're clearly not suited if you've both been in therapy, and she's already walked out on you not just once but three times. Quit while you're ahead, move out, and find someone who wants the same things that you do.

This doesn't sound like a relationship on which to build a secure and happy future, and definitely not one to bring children into.

It is disrespectful of your partner not to have signed or refused the cohabitation agreement expeditiously; that should have happened before moving in together. You should have read her reluctance and delay as refusal, and moved on. That you didn't do so has opened the door for emotional and psychological game-playing, as you are experiencing. Her dishonesty and manipulation would be a dealbreaker for me; and is now a matter of urgency, if she is trying to engineer an 'accidentially on purpose' pregnancy scenario, which will ensnare you very effectively.

You don't sound at all compatible. Her behaviour is totally at odds with the careful, thoughtful, mutually respectful approach expressed in your posts and relationship contract.

Why are you still entangled with her?

OP do I understand correctly that in Canada the law treats you as if you are married anyway after a certain period of cohabitation? If that is the case then I would be getting un-cohabitted as soon as possible and starting again with an agreement in place, if it's important to you.
But really, if she's broken up with you three times, and is also back-tracking on something that is important to you that she previously agreed to do, is she actually the right personality for you to be trying to build that steady easygoing relationship that you seem to be looking for?

I think you want to have your cake and eat it. You want that woman trapped and unable to divorce you. You have actually said you want an agreement that makes it hard for her to leave you.

"Yes it would be a deal breaker and she is aware of that. We have talked about marriage and I don't want there to be an incentive for her to divorce me."

Where's the incentive in that agreement that stops YOU just randomly fucking off when you feel like it, probably with the 19 year old next Miss It Puts It's Name On The Dotted Line.

There's a disturbingly abusive male undertone to your messages that doesn't sit well with me. You very obviously don't trust her. You want a committed wife without any risk whatsoever.

A women beholden to your falsely benevolent whims, A.K.A happy with crumbs from your table whenever you deem to flick them in her direction.

You're also viewing a life partner like an employee negotiating an employment contract with her employer.

Carry on like you do, die alone lying on a big pile of your dollar bills. Let your bank manager comfort you and have the nurse who you've negotiated a bottom dollar salary with who secretly hates you at your bedside.

She needs to get the hell away from you.

@Dror @W0tnow

its standard advice from fertility doctors while going through IVF to use barrier protection. There is a risk of spontaneous ovulation of multiple ovum and heightens the risk of a multiple pregnancy.

I understand your desire to have that signed. On the face of it, it sounds very sensible.
2 things...

1. why move in with it being signed?
2. it provides no protection for her during pregnancy, maternity leave, or child rearing.

She would be mad to sign that as it is.
I understand the principle but it needs re-drafting.