Partner changed their mind on cohabitation agreement

Agree. And it would appear that children are the issue here. OP says this agreement would turn into a prenup, but he already knows the terms of it would be unfair once they have kids, so whether or not he’s ‘open’ to changing it at that point is irrelevant because it likely wouldn't hold up in court in the event of divorce if the judge deems it unfair to one party or any children involved.

I find it really odd that OP is insisting on this kind of agreement before marriage - especially as it’s he who has moved in with his partner. The transactional approach to the relationship would have me running for the hills.

@NeatBiscuit as it stands contract seems fine. However, and I guess this may be why she is upset..if and when you have children together, the contract may not be equitable at that point. In terms of perhaps her earnings reducing, less pension contributions, less disposable income to build up savings etc. Women bear all of the risk that pregnancy brings, childbirth, breastfeeding etc can all leave us financially vulnerable. And it does sound like children are part of her plans from what you say. Do you want to have children with her? If so are you willing to ensure she is supported financially if need be? (A woman might plan to return to work full time after maternity leave, but circumstances can change in the blink of an eye, feelings can change, maternal instinct can take over, it’s very difficult to contract for that). I’m wondering if she is more committed to having children than you are?

To see it from her side, perhaps the idea of the co-habitation agreement was fine, but now she's seen the actual agreement, she doesn't agree with it.

If someone makes me an offer and I agree, but when the final contract arrives it's not going to work for me, I'm not under any obligation to sign it.

Especially given the lack of provision/adjustment if she has children. I would want to see that included up front in such an agreement myself, not rely on changing it once the child was already here and I'd already suffered the career hit.

In any case, you moved in together anyway, which sends mixed messages. It sounds like you're not compatible.

I wouldn’t sign this. You have said that if you have children you would be ‘open’ to changing the agreement to make it fair. However this relies on you doing the right thing as the situation changes but you are protected legally and don’t have to. If you are going to have children it is likely to disproportionately affect your partner financially and she will be vulnerable. She clearly sees children in her future. Do you even love her?? I don’t think you’re ready for a serious relationship and your priority is protecting yourself and your money. Your partner could do much much better.

OP l think you’re on shaky ground if you’re in the UK. There are various reasons why a pre nup won’t hold up in court, and one of them is if it can be shown that either party has been coerced into signing. If your partner is reluctant, for whatever reason, then insisting could invalidate it - especially if she is engaging with IVF because there may be mental health undertones. Neither of you seem to be committed so l would move out and have a rethink. You appear to be more focused on protecting your assets than the relationship itself so l really don’t blame her for being upset. You’re treating this like a business transaction and making it clear you don’t trust her.

OP…
she’s having IVF but you’re wearing condoms so you don’t have kids.
before you’ve proposed you’ve tried to get her to sign something so she doesn’t have an incentive to divorce you.
your agreement will essentially have you living as flatmates for the rest of your lives arguing about who’s going to buy the next loaf of bread.
she should run for the hills.

What comes across from your post is how sad your making things by reducing a relationship to business terms, your thinking about children but want to protect your assets if marry. A real marriage is a partnership. Your in rented but still feel the need for cohabitation agreement you don’t trust her no wonder she’s changed her mind.

Of course you don’t. Because you’re creating a situation where you get it all back.

I really hope her refusal to sign is because her eyes are open and she’s ready to walk.

YANBU to have asked for whatever financial agreement you felt was needed before moving in together; she would not have been unreasonable to refuse.

YABU to move in together without the agreement being in force if it is so important to you - of course that left her the opening to change her mind about it, and if she has then you're going to have to decide whether the agreement is more important to you than being with her and end the relationship if so.

YANBU to say no to sex, and/or to unprotected sex, for any reason or none.

Either/both of you are unreasonable to be having unprotected sex/thinking of having a child together (if that's the case); you don't have a stable relationship at the moment and your values seem to be out of sync.

It was really insensitive and weird of you to bring up the agreement and use it against her during sex, especially when you've let it slide up until now. All you had to say was "let's use protection", or however you'd phrase that - that would have been totally normal and appropriate, agreement or no agreement.

I can completely understand why she thinks you're excessively money-focused - not because you don't have the right to protect your assets if you feel the need, but FFS, there's a time and a place. Your partner's a human being, not an object or an obstacle.

If you are auK based then no it doesn't. Whoever has told you this is an idiot.

I had similar drawn up and my lawyer specifically told me marriage renders it null and void.

We have a prenup however this is not binding in UK law but it does show intent.

The ring fencing if previous assets that you’ve both brought into the marriage is perfectly reasonable. Trying to separate what is earned during the marriage is not—one of you will take a hit to their salary/pension once the baby arrives, and it is not fair to say that person deserves less of the marital assets due to this.
YANBU about the previous assets
YABU about the marital assets

You sound like a very bad choice for marriage, a family and a future. If you love this woman and see a future you should be giving her the safety and security required for you both to fully commit to a life together.

You sound cold and calculating to me, and a bad choice for a potential husband and I hope she leaves for someone that truly loves her.

It definitely doesn't sound like she's after your money, especially as you said she earns more than you .
No one goes in to a marriage wanting to divorce
I suspect she feels you care more about money than her .
Your both clearly very wealthy,so neither of you would be destitute if you did divorce.
I'd think very careful op ,what you want out of life
You may well end up alone ,but with your money .. so perhaps you won't feel alone .
It does seem that money is your main priority

This. Everyone on MN is always saying this when women get pregnant "accidently"

TBH I’d strongly advise any high earner to marry someone who is their equal both financially and attitutude to money and family always get a prenup when someone says they don’t care about money but simultaneously want to ensure they have full access to yours AND you families is the red flag, if it’s not romantic to sign a contract why are you getting married? God it gives me chills for both my boys and girl, I never want them to be manipulated or devalued assets are assets love is love by making out a pre nun indicates lack of romance is manipulative and dishonest. The lack of self awareness is shocking arguing marriage is a contract a business arrangement it makes sense to just sign that then no checks first no conversations FOR LIFE, no everyone prenup or not should have a clear understanding of what it’s going to be happening with the money in your family. TBH most people I know have pre marital financial councilling and pre nups are standard talk at least in my sector, mumsnet feels like Mars sometimes.

This is such an ignorant comment. If money doesn’t matter why does she or you care about signing a prenup, money doesn’t matter right.

OP her finances may not be what you think I’ve seen this before. Do you have visual confirmation of what she earns.

your contract is fair if your both going to keep working and both pay high rate tax, if she does not earn at your level, it’s unfair as her income difference will mean by staying with you rather than marrying another person would leave her financially poorer due to time off work. Recalculate with 4 year sole contributions to her her pension and investments from you per child, make provisions for the home. You don’t owe someone for loving you, you don’t owe them a lifestyle, marriage is a legal contract pre nups well drafted should be a legal requirement.

On the first post I was with you OP. I thought it was poor of her to delay signing the document that you had agreed to. But following your updates you sound like a walking red flag and I would imagine as she has seen this since living together she has rethought (quite rightly) the sense of this.

You sound hugely transactional. I don't think any woman in their right mind would give you the agreement you are looking for.

This is MN where a man tries to protect his assets and it makes him cold, unfeeling, unromantic and someone who probably doesn’t want to get married anyway. A woman does the same and she’s just being sensible to protect herself.

All through the thread there’s reminders about women who have given up their careers and been left with financial instability after divorce but they never admit that many women actually want to be SAHP who chose to give up a career. Or that they had very little earning capacity even before having children.

Then there’s the men we never hear about on MN. The ones who have worked their arses off for years to provide financially for their children and wife to either sah or have a part time pocket money job whose wives then leave them, talking their children and half their pension and house. It happens all the time.

Marriage should be about love and commitment. It should not have to involve one person talking a financial risk while the other has no risk and only the opportunity to financially benefit.

If a woman is planning to provide for herself and her children then she has nothing to lose by signing a pre nup with a financially more stable partner. If she’s planning on being kept by someone else, then obviously she’s not going to want to sign a pre nup and her genuine intentions are clear.

No ones career is damaged irreparably by six months maternity leave.

Exactly this. The notion that women leave happy marriages for divorce payouts is weird af. And shows OP has been reading manosphere BS.

With bells on. You hit the nail on the head

TBH I think this relationship is done. Too far apart

If you’re in therapy together already and had extreme lows do you really feel like she’s the one?

If so I think clear terms need to be added if you have children and one parent stays home re pension contributions and the money the stay at parent would live on as they wouldn’t have earnings

i I understand you wanting to protect your assets but usually the mother is the one to lose out in all relationships when children are involved - career gaps alas less promotions less income less pension, so needs to be some give

Sounds more like a hostile business takeover than a romance.
Probably better not to proceed at all.

Who says romance is dead eh!

I also would say that it is this particular person / relationship that is triggering this anxiety in you. In another relationship you might feel quite differently even if your partner had much less wealth. It is important to listen to your intuition and doubts about this situation .