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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

229 replies

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:14

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

OP posts:
Thunderpants88 · 17/02/2025 05:25

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:14

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

Well done you for saying something here. That was really rude of them!

How did the conversation go?

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 17/02/2025 05:24

Mum2So · 17/02/2025 00:31

All families are different, I know, but when it comes to my family, we all take turns paying. Sometimes my parents take care of the bill. Sometimes my siblings pay for everyone (we all have children). Other times, my DH or I pay for everyone. I wouldn't ever insist on counting minors v adults and who ate what, etc. However, none of us need to watch what we spend, but if we did I am sure we would simply not attend dinner and go the next time. My siblings all have more children than I do, but I would never dream of calculating what they ate or drank. We're a tight family - and yes, we have our fallouts at times - but I love every one of them and it's a pleasure to all be together, and that's priceless (but worth paying for!).

And everyone clapped.

LillyPJ · 17/02/2025 05:24

This is why I hate eating out in a big group! If I'm with a group of friends, I prefer to pay for my own meal. If I was with my children and my brother's family, I'd pay for my family and he'd pay for his.

LittleBigHead · 17/02/2025 05:16

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/02/2025 00:18

Not unreasonable to split per person if everybody has had an adult’s meal and eaten a similar amount, even if some in the group are children or teens. Obviously in a case where there is a cheap kids menu and they haven’t ordered an adults meal it would be different, but in your scenario you were not being unreasonable.

Even in the scenario of children having the children’s meals in my family it’s usual that parents pay for their DCs’ meals.

niadainud · 17/02/2025 05:15

Emma6cat · 17/02/2025 00:40

Omg,! I just couldn't be arsed going out for a meal to go through with this palaver at the end. Hardly a joyous occasion. Just split the bill per family.

That's all very well in principle, but do you still apply that when one "family" is a single adult and another is a family of six with four teenagers?

Does one party have to be massively subsidised for it to be a joyous occasion?

Codlingmoths · 17/02/2025 05:14

ThisFluentBiscuit · 17/02/2025 02:43

If your brother's two DC had adult meals and all the trimmings (the multiple drinks and hot choc that you mention) then it was extremely cheeky of him to try to get those two meals split among the adults. Splitting per adult was what you were doing when your children were eating kids' meals for 6.99!

Not relevant to the topic, but I'm a little surprised that a 10-year-old is able to put away an adult meal, drinks, plus a hot choc!

My 9yo could.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/02/2025 05:07

Bills should be split per family. Just pay for your own.

LondonLawyer · 17/02/2025 04:12

ThisFluentBiscuit · 17/02/2025 02:43

If your brother's two DC had adult meals and all the trimmings (the multiple drinks and hot choc that you mention) then it was extremely cheeky of him to try to get those two meals split among the adults. Splitting per adult was what you were doing when your children were eating kids' meals for 6.99!

Not relevant to the topic, but I'm a little surprised that a 10-year-old is able to put away an adult meal, drinks, plus a hot choc!

My own ten year old could, quite happily. When my Mum and I took both boys to Greece last summer, there was a few-not-all-meals package for the week, and DS2's cost 60% of my Mum's - he most definitely ate more than she did!

Quitelikeit · 17/02/2025 03:56

Well done for calling him
out!

I wonder if he s so cheeky as to try the same trick next time!

the single brother really did have it the harshest even though you are trying to say well he buys a bottle of wine (roughly £30) assume he doesn’t drink the full bottle to himself?

Anyway I’m firmly in the vamp of pay for what you have - I don’t want to pay for anyone’s lunch and I don’t want anyone paying for me and my children either!

beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 03:11

ChanelBoucle · 17/02/2025 03:09

YANBU whatsoever op. So refreshing to read an AIBU where the op actually had a backbone and wasn’t afraid to speak up at the time. And well done to the posters who retracted their original sentiments as the thread went on - that’s refreshing too. 🤣
I hope you feel validated by your choice to speak up @SpottyPotties, I would urge you to nip this in the bud for next time too should it happen again.

All this. If only the OP had said in the first post "We're talking £50 a head here" then I wouldn't have been so swift to think "nah, it's family, can you really fall out over a couple of quid each?".

ChanelBoucle · 17/02/2025 03:09

YANBU whatsoever op. So refreshing to read an AIBU where the op actually had a backbone and wasn’t afraid to speak up at the time. And well done to the posters who retracted their original sentiments as the thread went on - that’s refreshing too. 🤣
I hope you feel validated by your choice to speak up @SpottyPotties, I would urge you to nip this in the bud for next time too should it happen again.

beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 03:07

TheIvyRestaurant · 17/02/2025 03:04

Yes why do people say “full fat”. Also I’m not an idiot if I wanted Diet Coke I’d have said “Diet Coke please” not “Coke please”

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It backfired on me a few weeks ago when at a drive through Maccy-D's I asked for a LARGE regular cola and ended up being given two "full fat" 😫colas, one in a regular sized cup and one in a large cup. I thought it was pricey when I paid though clearly nothing when compared to where OP has been.

TheIvyRestaurant · 17/02/2025 03:04

beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 03:03

No, because when you ask for those the bar person invariably gives a sly smile and says "full fat?" which pisses me right off because ( A ) I will have a REGULAR cola if I choose to and ( B ) the very idea of it containing a layer of lard on top makes me want to heave. At least when I use the machine no one judges me.

Show quote history

Yes why do people say “full fat”. Also I’m not an idiot if I wanted Diet Coke I’d have said “Diet Coke please” not “Coke please”

beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 03:03

TheIvyRestaurant · 17/02/2025 03:01

Lets Make your brother pay. And we can all get cokes in those glass bottles that cost a fortune 🤣

Show quote history

No, because when you ask for those the bar person invariably gives a sly smile and says "full fat?" which pisses me right off because ( A ) I will have a REGULAR cola if I choose to and ( B ) the very idea of it containing a layer of lard on top makes me want to heave. At least when I use the machine no one judges me.

MumChp · 17/02/2025 03:03

I always pay my own bill. It's so much easier because other people so often try to take advantages of you if you are nice.

FrauPaige · 17/02/2025 03:03

Another vote for paying by family - it's just not worth the family fallout.

Original poster
SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 03:02

Good luck with that. Getting his wallet out is clearly not his strong point!

OP posts:
TheIvyRestaurant · 17/02/2025 03:01

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 03:00

Of course you’re invited. Just so we’re clear, who’s paying for the coke? 😂

Show quote history

Lets Make your brother pay. And we can all get cokes in those glass bottles that cost a fortune 🤣

Original poster
SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 03:00

beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 02:58

I'd still only be ordering a cola though, that is if you invited me. You probably won't be after tonight 😂

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Of course you’re invited. Just so we’re clear, who’s paying for the coke? 😂

OP posts:
beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 02:58

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 02:56

Of course I’ll split the bill with you. Unless you eat all the pie and expect me to pay for 95% of it 😂

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I'd still only be ordering a cola though, that is if you invited me. You probably won't be after tonight 😂

TheIvyRestaurant · 17/02/2025 02:57

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 02:56

Of course I’ll split the bill with you. Unless you eat all the pie and expect me to pay for 95% of it 😂

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If my child eats the pie you’re paying half. Just so we’re clear 😆

Original poster
SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 02:56

TheIvyRestaurant · 17/02/2025 02:54

Well if I order humble pie will you split the bill with me OP Wink yes watching your children order a 2 course meal plus various drinks and make out it’s the same as a child’s meal is the work of a chancer.

Id love to see the death stares from my kids if I dared eat off their plates 🤣 I’m pretty sure I’d lose my fingers.

Show quote history

Of course I’ll split the bill with you. Unless you eat all the pie and expect me to pay for 95% of it 😂

OP posts:
beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 02:55

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 02:54

Sorry to hear that. I hope my tales of my brother being a PITA have entertained you a little.

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Touché. 😆

Marchitectmummy · 17/02/2025 02:55

Jeez just pay for what you eat. Splitting thr bill always leads to this type of thing, for easier tp just buy what you ordered. No more discussion and resentment. Always someone looses with these weird solutions.

Original poster
SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 02:54

beenonthebox · 17/02/2025 02:52

Im not sure why you’re trying to make it about something it’s not?

Probably because I've been bedridden for three days, have slept through most of it and can sleep no more which is why I'm on here, and I'm so jealous of others who were well enough to go out and have a nice time with family after I had to cancel my plans. So in a word, jealousy. That and boredom. So two words, actually. 😆

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Sorry to hear that. I hope my tales of my brother being a PITA have entertained you a little.

OP posts:
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