Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

229 replies

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:14

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

OP posts:
Aqz · 17/02/2025 15:05

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 15:00

As I’ve previously stated, when my DC were at the stage of eating kids meals, when we worked out the bill, my DCs meals were the equivalent, often less than DF having an extra course, DB1 having extra drinks or DB2 having a steak or whatever. DPs suggested not including kids in the head count and everyone was happy with this as it worked out pretty evenly.

When DB had DC, the same rule was applied to his DC and everyone carried on being happy with the arrangement.

When my DC started eating adult meals, they became part of the head count, so we would pay for 3 adults and DB paid for 2 adults because his DC weren’t counted.

My issue yesterday was his kids had adult meals, dessert, hot drink etc and DB wanted to carry on not including them in the head count. His suggestion was I pay for 3 adults and he only paid for 2, even though the four of them all had adult meals. And the bill worked out at not far off £50 per head, so he was saving the best part of £100 on his bill.

Show quote history

OP, you have been crystal clear in what you wrote.
Comprehension isn't always the best here.
You were correct to not let this pass without comment.

Original poster
SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 15:02

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2025 12:29

But it's not just one thing she's mentioned several things that annoy her and it's not just once it's stuff that's gone on for years

Show quote history

Several things? What else have I mentioned? And what’s gone on for years?

I’m very fond of my DB. He’s got a good heart, but his actions yesterday were either a bit cheeky or somewhat misguided. That does not mean I do not like him.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 15:00

Onceachunkymonkey · 17/02/2025 09:01

Well you need to take into account that for a very long time the op was more than happy for her parents and childless bro to pay partially for her kids, she’s only found her objection when she’s paying more.

Show quote history

As I’ve previously stated, when my DC were at the stage of eating kids meals, when we worked out the bill, my DCs meals were the equivalent, often less than DF having an extra course, DB1 having extra drinks or DB2 having a steak or whatever. DPs suggested not including kids in the head count and everyone was happy with this as it worked out pretty evenly.

When DB had DC, the same rule was applied to his DC and everyone carried on being happy with the arrangement.

When my DC started eating adult meals, they became part of the head count, so we would pay for 3 adults and DB paid for 2 adults because his DC weren’t counted.

My issue yesterday was his kids had adult meals, dessert, hot drink etc and DB wanted to carry on not including them in the head count. His suggestion was I pay for 3 adults and he only paid for 2, even though the four of them all had adult meals. And the bill worked out at not far off £50 per head, so he was saving the best part of £100 on his bill.

OP posts:
WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 14:52

Aqz · 17/02/2025 13:58

I have never known a restaurant to have any problem putting families on their own bills.
4 families, separate bills is no different to 4 different tables.

Yes, its easy peasy, so much easier than having to split between people with different orders/drinks what a bloody mess and nightmare!

Just have your own bill and pay it yourself. Nothing could be easier.

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 14:50

Redfred00 · 17/02/2025 13:45

We don't drink. When we go out to eat everyone pays for what they order. My friends are drinkers and I can't afford to subsidise that.

That's how it should be. Everyone pays for their own order. Easy peasy.

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 14:49

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2025 13:27

I thought they were partners

Show quote history

Yes that's exactly how I read it.

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 14:48

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 12:37

DPs are in OP...

Show quote history

Ah, ok, I read it wrong. I read it as DP (partner) of DB2.

Aqz · 17/02/2025 13:58

I have never known a restaurant to have any problem putting families on their own bills.
4 families, separate bills is no different to 4 different tables.

Redfred00 · 17/02/2025 13:45

We don't drink. When we go out to eat everyone pays for what they order. My friends are drinkers and I can't afford to subsidise that.

MeridianB · 17/02/2025 13:38

Your DB is a CF. And your system sounds perfectly reasonable. But his attitude would really put me off family meals with him in future. I think he was trying to embarrass you into shutting up so well done for calling him out on it.

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2025 13:27

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 12:37

DPs are in OP...

Show quote history

I thought they were partners

wfhwfh · 17/02/2025 13:19

I agree with you, OP.

As a matter of etiquette, it should never be the person who benefits from a particular split who proposes it. So your brother with 2 x younger children was exceedingly bad-mannered to suggest this.

In the same way as it would be bad manners for someone who’d had cocktails to propose an equal split to non-drinkers. Whereas the 1 x non-drinker could propose an even split as a generous and gracious gesture.

Thats the rule in my social & family circle anyway!

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 12:37

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 12:11

But there are no grandparents in the story. Only siblings.

Show quote history

DPs are in OP...

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2025 12:29

OldChairMan · 17/02/2025 12:23

I'm beginning to find this the most tiresome response on MN.
OP describes a behaviour that is tricky to deal with, wants to check what other people think or get advice on how to handle it.
Someone on MN: 'you don't seem to like them very much.'
It's so childish and adds nothing.

Show quote history

But it's not just one thing she's mentioned several things that annoy her and it's not just once it's stuff that's gone on for years

OldChairMan · 17/02/2025 12:23

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2025 12:10

You don't seem to like him very much so I'm not sure why you go out

I'm beginning to find this the most tiresome response on MN.
OP describes a behaviour that is tricky to deal with, wants to check what other people think or get advice on how to handle it.
Someone on MN: 'you don't seem to like them very much.'
It's so childish and adds nothing.

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 12:11

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 12:05

the second bit? I would be expecting the grandparents to pay, and when the OP generation have grandchildren themselves, they would do the same... OP is dining in Michelin starred restaurants (per her calculation of £50 difference between a kids' and adults' meal) so i can't imagine this would be a problem?

Show quote history

But there are no grandparents in the story. Only siblings.

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2025 12:10

You don't seem to like him very much so I'm not sure why you go out

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 12:05

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 11:56

pater familias

What does that mean?

Show quote history

the second bit? I would be expecting the grandparents to pay, and when the OP generation have grandchildren themselves, they would do the same... OP is dining in Michelin starred restaurants (per her calculation of £50 difference between a kids' and adults' meal) so i can't imagine this would be a problem?

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 11:58

Whistledown2 · 17/02/2025 02:50

"Not relevant to the topic, but I'm a little surprised that a 10-year-old is able to put away an adult meal, drinks, plus a hot choc!"

Kids can be incredibly wasteful (and greedy) if their parents are not paying attention!

my 10yo certainly can (always orders the largest steak), and is still hungry when we get home!

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 11:56

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 11:53

i think it's OP being penny pinching, what's the difference going to add up to?
(In any event, it should be the pater familias paying, and that goes down generation to generation...)

Show quote history

pater familias

What does that mean?

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 11:53

prelovedusername · 17/02/2025 06:42

In your situation I would have done split per family from the outset. They sound mean and penny pinching. In our family everyone is so keen to pay we regularly have a Mrs Doyle situation and it’s not unknown for money to be sent back and forth online.

i think it's OP being penny pinching, what's the difference going to add up to?
(In any event, it should be the pater familias paying, and that goes down generation to generation...)

Cherrysoup · 17/02/2025 11:52

Of course yanbu! Pre-empt him next time and tell him approximately how much mains are, is he happy going there given he’s got x amount of dc to pay for. He’s a cf, given it’s no longer child meals.

MandyFriend · 17/02/2025 11:51

If you eat put together again, just get separate bills, then nobody can feel shortchanged!

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 11:40

the extra £100 DB should have paid for his DC
This must be a michelin starred restaurant then, if the difference between a kids' meal and an adults' meal is £50?

HamptonPlace · 17/02/2025 11:30

Just split it 3 ways?

Swipe left for the next trending thread