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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mums gossiping about dd

39 replies

Extraordinarilyexciting · 16/02/2025 19:15

Was shown messages from a group chat of a few parents from dds dance school. Dd is new to this class.

The messages basically said that dd takes it too seriously, probably has an eating disorder (she doesn’t) and seems distracted most of the time. I am friends with the mum who showed me (in person I don’t have proof of the messages on me) has said that she doesn’t want to get anyone in trouble and that the messages were probably from a place of concern so has asked me not to do anything with it, promising she will discourage them and let me know if anything else is said about dd.

AIBU to want to report this to teachers or at least confront the parents? Even if it means betraying my friend or would you just leave it?

OP posts:
Everlore · 16/02/2025 19:37

I do not understand what motivated your friend to show you these messages in the first place. She must have known the messages would distress you and that your immediate instinct would be to protect your daughter by speaking to the teacher or the mums who wrote the messages so putting you in the position of knowing these women have been cruelly gossiping about your daughter and then immediately trying to prevent you from addressing the situation with anyone else seems very unkind. Is your friend given to stirring up drama? I can't see how she could have your and your daughter's best interests in mind and still act like this. Surely if she were truly concerned for you she could have replied to the mums commenting on your daughter and firmly rebuked them on their immature bullying behaviour herself before bringing them to you or at least not attempt to prevent you from dealing with this directly yourself.

Sunnydiary · 16/02/2025 19:32

You can’t control what other people think. Let them.

I am also suspicious of your friends motives.

I would ignore it, but keep an eye on the situation to ensure nobody is directly bullying DD. Aside from that, they can all disappear up each other’s arses.

Goodadvice1980 · 16/02/2025 19:31

Sadly dance mums are quite notorious for this type of behaviour! I might question the motives of the “friend” who told you.

couldabutdidnt · 16/02/2025 19:27

That all sounds horrid. I’d mention it to the teacher and try to forget about it.

ETA. I am genuinely surprised people gossip about children in this way. What total losers!

user1471453601 · 16/02/2025 19:27

Have you heard of/read Games People Play?

One of those Games is Lets you and him fight.

If someone tells me something hurtful about me/mine and asks for secrecy, my first "go to" is to ask myself why that someone has told me, but didn't want me to use that information? Is it for me to be forewarned or is it because for whatever reason, the someone wants to forment trouble between me and another, or group of others?

Only you can decide what the someone in your post intends.

Original poster
Extraordinarilyexciting · 16/02/2025 19:24

I used the word friend generously, we’re friendly and she’s also a parent from school. We don’t overwise speak to or see each other .

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 16/02/2025 19:24

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 16/02/2025 19:20

How old is your DD? Sounds like jealousy to me. Is it the case of Queen Bee realising your DD is more talented than hers?

How does 'She takes it too seriously, gets distracted most of the time and probably has an eating disorder', sound like jealousy?

It sounds like plain old nastiness.

That hopefully the OP's friend nipped in the bud.

SwanRivers · 16/02/2025 19:21

Presumably your friend also showed you the many messages where she stuck up for your daughter and told them to stop gossiping?

If not, she's no friend so I'd speak to the mothers yourself.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 16/02/2025 19:20

How old is your DD? Sounds like jealousy to me. Is it the case of Queen Bee realising your DD is more talented than hers?

PercyFone · 16/02/2025 19:20

Why did your friend show you? That was quite the stir from her.

ForeverPombear · 16/02/2025 19:20

I had adults gossiping about me when I was a child saying that I had an eating disorder (I didn't) and it got down to their kids and they started bullying me, throwing food at me and calling me anorexic.

I'm not sure I'd ignore this tbh. I'd speak to the dance teacher.

StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 19:18

I think you should insist that the friend strongly confronts the group or tells the teacher, or both.

bridgetreilly · 16/02/2025 19:18

I don’t think there is any point in taking notice of this sort of thing, tbh.

RainbowSlimeLab · 16/02/2025 19:17

I’d leave it for now. At least by not betraying your friend you’ll be able to keep an eye on what is said. Sounds like pure jealousy.

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