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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think the Ofsted inspector who blames WFH parents for low attendance is probably just resentful?

362 replies

JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 14:28

The Chief Inspector of Ofsted is blaming parents who WFH for the demise of school attendance https://www.itv.com/news/2025-02-16/parents-working-from-home-makes-children-feel-school-is-optional-ofsted-head?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0ULgukQnTsabNTlcJRBI4kVQsMYkhCPK_KA4lUAgVkxOocYfo3onmRNHU_aem_nuBknA_QEGgfA93CaTPagg. Apparently none of us want to take our slippers off so we let our kids stay at home while we work.

He makes some REALLY weird points like his overworked dad he didn’t see much as his inspiration to go to school. And also MPs making sure they spend weekends with their families is a bad work ethic.

I know MN is a good example of whenever WFH threads are brought up, non-WFHers come on dripping with resentment over WFH and implying WFHers don’t really work. AIBU to think this man - who has somehow been knighted - is basically doing that? I’m not sure how much inspecting he does now, but Ofsted inspectors aren’t any superior or harder working just because they spend a few days working away from home at a time (something BTW I’m expected to do, at least 1 overnight a month).

Also as someone from a household where 2 of us WFH, I can’t think of anything worse than having kids flapping around us while we try and work. I’m FT, and this week I’m off Weds-Fri, as is DH. my DD11 will be at home tomorrow with strict instructions to keep away unless there’s a serious emergency (she’s secondary and old enough to take care of herself) and at a friend’s on Tuesday. My DS is 8 and is going into a holiday club tomorrow and Tuesday as his neediness is unbearable. Both have somewhere between 97 and 99% attendance so far this academic year.

YABU - “He’s got a point”
YANBU - “He’s wrong/resentful”

OP posts:
Matronic6 · 16/02/2025 20:29

whippy1981 · 16/02/2025 20:00

I can't have skin in the game if I'm not a parent! Ha ha!

Coming on strong? You mean that I am disagreeing with you and you do not like it and keep deflecting because you can't answer my questions?

Happy Sunday!

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But there is no point in answering your questions as they are nonsensical. OP said she did not think kids of teachers will have poor attendance. You then said that meant she assumed kids of teachers don't have mental health issues. OP never said that, you are putting words in her mouth then expecting her to justify something she never said.

She then commented that you were taking this very personally and you said she was wrong to assume you were a parent. OP never said you were a parent.

She is not deflecting, you are arguing with yourself at this point. There is literally no point in engaging with you

Cupcakes2035 · 16/02/2025 20:26

placemats · 16/02/2025 20:22

Why are parents dosing their children with Calpol in order for them to go to school? Especially primary school children. Sickness can escalate very quickly and can result in death.

As an invigilator myself and another had to deal with an extremely sick pupil. He was taken from the school by ambulance and spent two weeks in hospital recovering from the flu. Thankfully it was during mock GCSE exams and his parents, who were not working from home, had told him not to go in.

because on the flip side, how quick are schools with fines etc for missed days ? (not saying its right)

bakebeans · 16/02/2025 20:25

Clearly clueless OP. When I work from home I find I need to shut myself away. I certainly would rather my children be at school and not mithering

placemats · 16/02/2025 20:22

Why are parents dosing their children with Calpol in order for them to go to school? Especially primary school children. Sickness can escalate very quickly and can result in death.

As an invigilator myself and another had to deal with an extremely sick pupil. He was taken from the school by ambulance and spent two weeks in hospital recovering from the flu. Thankfully it was during mock GCSE exams and his parents, who were not working from home, had told him not to go in.

JustMyView13 · 16/02/2025 20:13

whippy1981 · 16/02/2025 20:00

I can't have skin in the game if I'm not a parent! Ha ha!

Coming on strong? You mean that I am disagreeing with you and you do not like it and keep deflecting because you can't answer my questions?

Happy Sunday!

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I don’t like it? Whose making assumptions now… 👀👀

ThePartingOfTheWays · 16/02/2025 20:08

JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 20:04

How does MN feel? I missed that thread. Is it considered weird?

I have to say on the rare occasions we do the school run together one of us (me) usually stays in the car.

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There are a surprising number of posters who can't understand why anyone would do it. Seems to piss off a significant minority.

Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 20:04

ThePartingOfTheWays · 16/02/2025 20:00

We all know how MN feels about both parents doing the school run together!

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How does MN feel? I missed that thread. Is it considered weird?

I have to say on the rare occasions we do the school run together one of us (me) usually stays in the car.

OP posts:
Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 20:03

Matronic6 · 16/02/2025 19:58

Any pupils whose attendance dips below 95% is automatically flagged so we look at the data for this. Our schools attendance is negatively affected by persistent long term absences which have increased significantly post covid.

Another factor which is definitely contributing is parents who take their kids on holiday. I can't comment on this in a measurable way as usually parents don't disclose. But it is painfully obvious when a kid comes back from a week long 'tummy bug' with a tan.

I will say as a parent having a WFH partner does make it easier for us to provide care when DC is sick as partner can shift his hours around. So whilst we would never keep off of not sick we can accommodate sick days a bit better.

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Do people really say their child is sick when they’re on holiday? Our school requires a daily phone call! My friend lied to her school and said her kids were ill when they were all in Florida. Which she swiftly regretted when they rang her on day 2 at 4am her time and they noticed an international dial tone followed by a very sleep woman answering the phone 😂

OP posts:
whippy1981 · 16/02/2025 20:00

JustMyView13 · 16/02/2025 19:46

I never said you were a parent 😂

But you’re coming in strong for someone who doesn’t have ‘skin in the game’ 😂

Anyway, happy Sunday whippy.

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I can't have skin in the game if I'm not a parent! Ha ha!

Coming on strong? You mean that I am disagreeing with you and you do not like it and keep deflecting because you can't answer my questions?

Happy Sunday!

GrandpaFlump · 16/02/2025 20:00

At this point they’re doing everything they can to avoid the big issue of thousands of children over stressed and anxious because school is now a damaging place for them.

The issue with attendance isn’t a big problem because a child has an odd holiday or the odd duvet day, it’s because so many are traumatised by school that they can’t go in.

There is so much could be done to address this, but no, let’s carry on blaming parents instead of looking to the root of the problem and fixing it.

ThePartingOfTheWays · 16/02/2025 20:00

JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:59

IKR!

Also DH never gets up and leaves the house, because he does pick up. It would be pointless (and annoying) if he were to get up and leave with us just to make a point.

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We all know how MN feels about both parents doing the school run together!

Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:59

ThePartingOfTheWays · 16/02/2025 19:51

Yes, it's a very narrow, Mon to Fri 9 to 5 normative view of work. As if nobody ever worked shifts before March 2020.

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IKR!

Also DH never gets up and leaves the house, because he does pick up. It would be pointless (and annoying) if he were to get up and leave with us just to make a point.

OP posts:
Matronic6 · 16/02/2025 19:58

soupyspoon · 16/02/2025 19:46

Persistent absences? Or just absences that have increased?

And in my posts Ive tended lump 'a parent at home' together, apart from one because I was asnwering a point

Show quote history

Any pupils whose attendance dips below 95% is automatically flagged so we look at the data for this. Our schools attendance is negatively affected by persistent long term absences which have increased significantly post covid.

Another factor which is definitely contributing is parents who take their kids on holiday. I can't comment on this in a measurable way as usually parents don't disclose. But it is painfully obvious when a kid comes back from a week long 'tummy bug' with a tan.

I will say as a parent having a WFH partner does make it easier for us to provide care when DC is sick as partner can shift his hours around. So whilst we would never keep off of not sick we can accommodate sick days a bit better.

Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:57

Matronic6 · 16/02/2025 19:42

I do work in a school and we have not found any link between persistent absences and parents WFH. In my school, the majority of kids with persistently poor attendance actually have a stay at home parent, or a single parent family or from lower socio economic backgrounds.

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Once upon a time I worked with child protection services and almost every case I came across had low absence as a factor. It was one of the ways Victoria Climbie was missed by authorities IIRC. I’m not saying that all families with low attendance have a safeguarding issue as times have changed significantly, but it is still a factor within children involved in social services and I think the focus should be places like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:54

Househunter2025 · 16/02/2025 19:22

There's nothing in the times one that isn't in the itv one you linked, most of it is word for word the same. ITV has left out a figure showing attendance rates being worse since COVID, but this information is summarised in the itv article anyway.

Not sure why people are being so strange here.

Also the itv article is not an abstract. It's just a slightly abbreviated version

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Yes exactly. There’s a reason everything is C&P from other sources these days! I think some people are Isley that they wrongly misrepresented The Times article as being data driven and compelling when it really wasn’t

OP posts:
Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:53

soupyspoon · 16/02/2025 19:20

As Ive said if you work with schools (I dont work in a school) or you work in a school you know this, its not speculation

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You only know this for your set of patents though. And unless you actually collect data on parents working patterns, which I’ve never heard a school doing, you don’t know this.

OP posts:
TheLurpackYears · 16/02/2025 19:52

Ah, so that's why ds' head teacher asked if I work from home full time now when we were discussing his attendance.
I've worked from home for a good 10 years before I had children.

ThePartingOfTheWays · 16/02/2025 19:51

JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:50

But parents not leaving for work when their kids leave for school is nothing new.

I get up because someone has to take the kids to school. People will work night shifts and be laying in bed whilst their children get ready. Some people are part time and so won’t be leaving the house that day. This has been the case for decades

It makes ore sense to teach children that hard work can be achieved within the home - which is not hard for them to understand

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, it's a very narrow, Mon to Fri 9 to 5 normative view of work. As if nobody ever worked shifts before March 2020.

Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:50

NoSoupForU · 16/02/2025 19:16

I think his points are really quite valid. Habit forming is important, and normalising getting up and leaving the house for work, and changing that norm, has knock on impacts to children who aren't yet mature enough to understand the different nuances of work.

But parents not leaving for work when their kids leave for school is nothing new.

I get up because someone has to take the kids to school. People will work night shifts and be laying in bed whilst their children get ready. Some people are part time and so won’t be leaving the house that day. This has been the case for decades

It makes ore sense to teach children that hard work can be achieved within the home - which is not hard for them to understand

OP posts:
Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:48

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/02/2025 19:15

I think the headline distorts what he is saying - and your OP does the same, I’m afraid. What he’s saying is quite measured as PPs have said.

It’s not working from home per se as clearly not too long again, most families had a SAHM, who would be much more present for the kids than someone wfh. It could be - as I think he’s saying - that the societal idea that we all get up and dressed in the morning and leave the house, has waned a bit. And that’s worth discussing.

If adults think feel entitled to “duvet days” or to roll out of bed to work in their pyjamas five mins after waking, that’s going to make children less inclined to get up and go to school.

Can I ask two other things OP?

  1. why are you and your DH taking the same three days off, when you could take different days and not have to give your 11 yo strict instructions to leave you alone?
  2. and why do you describe your 8 yo as having “neediness” that is “unbearable”. Do you mean he wants to interact with his parents when they’re in the house? Like a primary ages child would!

Sure - and BTW I know what you mean about the attitudes changing, but I think they were always changing anyway but COVID expedited them IYSWIM

  1. We’re going away for a few days and because it’s the end of the financial year approaching we don’t have loads of annual leave left. Normally we would tag team
  2. Yes exactly - it’s only unbearable when I’m trying to work though. It’s not fair on him for me to always be (metaphorically) pushing him away when he wants to interact with me. Which is why I never WFH when he’s around. I promise I savour the neediness when I’m not working, I’m very aware he’s my last baby and I’ll miss the “Mum can you play avengers with me” one day (maybe)
OP posts:
soupyspoon · 16/02/2025 19:46

Matronic6 · 16/02/2025 19:42

I do work in a school and we have not found any link between persistent absences and parents WFH. In my school, the majority of kids with persistently poor attendance actually have a stay at home parent, or a single parent family or from lower socio economic backgrounds.

Show quote history

Persistent absences? Or just absences that have increased?

And in my posts Ive tended lump 'a parent at home' together, apart from one because I was asnwering a point

JustMyView13 · 16/02/2025 19:46

whippy1981 · 16/02/2025 19:39

I'm not a parent so nope again - assumptions that are not correct! More deflection by suggesting something that isn't true.

I don't have skin in the game so nope you're wrong - again!

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I never said you were a parent 😂

But you’re coming in strong for someone who doesn’t have ‘skin in the game’ 😂

Anyway, happy Sunday whippy.

Matronic6 · 16/02/2025 19:42

soupyspoon · 16/02/2025 19:20

As Ive said if you work with schools (I dont work in a school) or you work in a school you know this, its not speculation

Show quote history

I do work in a school and we have not found any link between persistent absences and parents WFH. In my school, the majority of kids with persistently poor attendance actually have a stay at home parent, or a single parent family or from lower socio economic backgrounds.

Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:42

Househunter2025 · 16/02/2025 19:10

I agree with this. Maybe kids with WFH parents have the odd extra sick day when they are actually ill but it's unlikely to explain sickness rates of 10% and there's nothing in the article to suggest there's a link in terms of whether parents who WFH have kids who are off school more often

I think there's more likely a combination of poor mental health, general reduction in valuing education due to lock downs, and more screen availability making it less annoying to have kids at home all day.

The subject is worthy of a research project definitely but there's no evidence in the article

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<Dons hard hat> it’s definitely all those things but I think the modern permissive parenting styles have a lot to do with it as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
JandamiHash · 16/02/2025 19:41

Dogthespot · 16/02/2025 19:00

you had read an abstract of an article OP

you seem to be on mumsnet every hour of every day. Way to say you WFH full time without saying you WFH full time 😆

Right I’ve got to watch the last half of Gladiator 2 now. All the best!

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No I read a C&P of another article. Thats how the media outlets do it which was why it’s the same text. I then read the full Times article and haven’t changed my mind one bit. Or are you just ignoring that part?

Oh yawn at the “haven’t you got anything better to do fnar fnar”. You’re here too love otherwise how would you know I post “every hour of every day”?

Also I don’t work Sundays. Not many people do.

I think I must have bruised your ego when I didn’t agree with you. You seem REALLY annoyed at me

OP posts: