to not want to announce my baby’s weight

I voted YABU purely because I think being ashamed of your baby’s weight is letting her win.

I would be proudly announcing the weight whether it’s 5lbs or 10lbs.

The baby’s weight is no reflection on you as a pregnant women or mother and you should absolutely not feel shame or guilt over it.

Her issues are her issues.
Don’t let her make them your issues.

I wouldn’t think this about other people but I than relate to that - if you’re a bit self conscious of your weight anyway, having to announce your baby’s weight does feel like people will see it as a reflection on yourself.

FWIW, I think it’s a generational thing to be obsessed with weight. None of my friends really asked what my babies weighed, but parent-aged people did all the time. I’d also see 6lb as tiny and possibly worrisome, I thought people generally wanted a more robust baby (or I did) because rightly or wrongly that seems healthy. I also think slightly older people in my experience are more diet obsessed when it comes to weddings etc.

Scruples... That's a good weight to use. A Scruple is 20 grains

15 grains to a gramme {approx}

i get it. My mums is totally obsessed with weights too and it made me really paranoid with dd1 who was 8lb11 born. She would just keep going on about how massive she was and used to get the baby weight charts out from me and my siblings so she could evidence just how unusually large dd1 was. Tried to convince me she may have Prader Willi syndrome and generally just stressed me out as a young mum.

dd2 was more of what my mum would consider to be a normal size and so she didn’t do it. Just tried to convince me that she was below average intelligence and the latest talker in the whole family (the kids could put a 3 word sentence together at 13 months!). She’s an odd woman my mum.

anyway. Dd1 is fine and as soon as she got crawling at 8 months she was no longer particularly big for her age. She just took after DHs side of the family who were all big chunky babies. In fact, she was quite small for his side of the family, just big for ours. She’s 20 now and tall and slim but I’ve never really completely forgiven my mum for causing me so much stress over it. Not what I needed as a first time 19 year old mum.

so yeah. If your mums like mine then just don’t tell her!

My MIL is like this, really fixated on baby weights and having ‘small’ babies, always makes a point that her babies were all 5 or 6lbs, the smaller the better. It’s so weird.

Urgh, it's one of MANY constant questions that you'll get asked which i absolutely hate 🙄
How much did they weigh
How many weeks were you
Did you have a C-section
Are you breast feeding
Do they sleep through the night yet
Do they cry a lot
Are you planning to have any more
It wouldn't be so bad if when asked, they were just making general conversation but it ALWAYS seems to come with unsolicited advice!
Lay off the questions people!!!!

I think you should nip this in the bud and tell her beforehand you don't need comments on the weight. It's hard to not announce the weight, you will be asked repeatedly. I felt like you before having my baby but actually didn't mind telling people once she was born. You could give the weight in kgs coz people tend not to know what's big or small in kgs and they get weighed in kgs anyway (or at least they do where I'm from)

I too think of an 8lb baby as an average. {UK}
Might be different in Nordic Countries where there are Blonde giants or some Far Eastern Countries where people are much more finely built.

Probably a bit mean but if I were you I'd tell her your baby weighed 9lbs 12 and then laugh at her as she ran around doing her nut about it.

Just tell her you’re not very good with weights and make up a different one each time…
27 kilos I think?
Was it… 230 pounds?
I think they said she was 4,653 grammes?
7,454 ounces maybe?
475 grockles and 4/8 of a parson’s daughter?
Or just say she was on the 56th centile which in itself always baffles people.

I knew before you said it that your mum would be one of the teeny tiny performative under-eaters, the "oh I couldn't eat a WHOLE lettuce leaf" squad.

Agree that she is commenting on the mother rather than the baby - in her (weird) mindset, teeny tiny women should have teeny tiny babies, and anything over the average of about 7lbs is gargantuan and clearly a reflection on the mother, who has been guzzling/hoovering/wolfing food her entire pregnancy, rather than vastly restricting calories to the detriment of both her health and the baby's.

I mean, it's utterly bonkers and totally disordered but you know that already @TeaAndToys . I would tell her why you're not telling her and why - sorry Mum, but you are so obsessed with making value judgements on a woman based on the weight of the baby that I don't want to tell you.

This might be the first step in your mum being weird generally about weight and food etc. with your child(ren), so might just be best to reveal it normally if people ask (as previous posters said, no one really cares) and then nip it in the bud with your mum if it arises, e.g., my baby is healthy and their weight doesn't matter.' Repeat and add 'please stop talking about it' as needed. I've had to squash some comments from my parents about food, e.g., "DD doesn't really need any more food, does she?".

Yes, I agree - it’s just small talk - like the weather.

I agree, height of parents can make a difference. You get long thin babies who weigh more but aren't bigger in terms of tiny baby bmi 😂 I was relieved my first baby was so long and thin, because it meant no shoulders getting stuck.

It also depends if early, or overdue etc.

My mum is like this OP, constantly states how huge my DS was at birth. He’s was 8lb, which I think is pretty average tbh. Possibly it’s a generational thing, in her day babies were generally smaller, or everyone she knew had babies that were.
Shut her down everytime she makes a comment with ‘that’s a perfectly normal weight now’.

My baby was about the size of your friends op and that was only the 25th percentile. Your mom's #s are out of date.

People might assume there is a problem, @TeaAndToys if you don't tell.

Like the really tiny premature babies no bigger than the palm of a man's 🖐️ hand.

Tell people and be proud!

I can imagine my mum doing similar, OP. Honestly, I would just say 6lb and stick to it.

Announce it in carats. That’ll fox her

Being a fairly big baby helped my eldest son a huge amount. He weighed 8 Ib 11 oz at birth. After four operations and six weeks on a ventilator he weighed 6 Ib 2 oz. I am so very grateful that he was not a 6 Ib baby as he would have been in a much more difficult position.

I felt very proud of my babies' birth weights. I think it was just an extension of being proud of them. The actual weight was irrelevant. I thought they were the best, most beautiful things in the world. I still do, but they are in secondary school age now.

Ask her to guess. Then say, ‘spot on!’

In a practical sense everyone asks because there is not much else to talk about, name, sex, weight.

So unless you are prepared to say "we aren't revealing weight" and look very precious. Or "my mum is weird about baby weights so we are keeping it quiet" is a bit of an over share.

I can understand not telling your mum, but realistically think it is unavoidable not to mention.

I don't think people are judging the baby or mum for weight. It's more a sympathy for the mum passing a large baby during labour.