Dad won't get bed each for children

Reading your update, you need to contact social services. Today: if there is someone available. Do not let your children go back there.

Urgh.

"Please send me a photograph today of the beds our son and daughter sleep in so I know there is adequate provision"

My 10 year old has started puberty. She shares a bed with either myself or her dad if she asks to occasionally but it's never something that should be expected of any child let alone a female that's this age. To expect your son to sleep in a baby bed that he can't stretch out in is also disgusting. He's behaving appallingly especially when you consider it's a 3 bed house.

This is a job for social services.

Contact social services. This is a safeguarding issue. Ensure you are clear that he is hiding the fact he shares a bed with his daughter from other family members. Do not send your daughter back until she is not sleeping with her dad.

Do not fail her in this.

You need to wise up.

Do you have a 10 year old daughter?

They're reaching puberty.

Sharing a bed with their father is just wrong on so many levels.

And to start saying 'what goes on in people's heads'- most sexual abuse is by family.

Not allowed? Said who?

Agree with everyone else.

A 10 year old girl should not be sleeping in a bed with her dad.

What if her periods start?

Instead of giving him £1000s you could have ordered a bed and told him to be at home to take it in.

I'd not allow them to stay with him till he organises himself.

I would reach out to SS tbh and ask them what you should do as your children don't want to visit under these circumstances. See what they say.

I speak from experience by the way
Had SS involvement due to DS1 behaviour and where they slept was checked out on the first visit.

SS class that as neglect
It's a child's right to have a safe clean made up bed.
There are beds on marketplace free
I think he's just trying it on to get you to pay up.
If he can't provide a bed, I wouldn't allow them to stay overnight.

Because a girl of that age should be afforded some privacy.

There’s nothing wrong @Hoglet70 as long as it’s the child’s choice. She and her brother don’t have useable beds so her choice is removed, that’s the problematic part.

I wouldn't send them again until they had a bed each and clean bedding.

If I heard of my 10 being asked to share a bed with her dad, I'd tell him to sort it out or I'd report him to social services. He's neglecting his children.

This is not true there's no laws it's just a guidance

Why can't a 10 year old girl share a bed with her Dad occasionally? I bunked in with my Dad on occasions (I think the last time I did it I was about 17 and we had visitors) and the only harm that ever came to me was the sore ears from his incessant snoring. I totally agree that kids should have their own space but sleeping with Dad on occasions is NOT a safeguarding issue and it says a lot about what goes on in people's heads.

I'd literally just stop sending them until they had a bed. If he wants to go through the courts for access, they wouldn't allow it either given the bed situation. So put your foot down until he sorts things out.

A couple of people have said they'd buy the bed themselves, but no. He needs to take responsibility, he can't just have the fun parts of having the kids over without also taking responsibility for their comfort and safety.

The bed thing is bad, but it makes you think what else might be neglected (which the kids might not mention as they don't realise it's an issue).

Your DD has a bed, is it so covered in boxes etc that she can’t sleep there? Why are the kids sharing a room when he has three bedrooms? It all sounds a bit chaotic and neglectful tbh. I wouldn’t be fixing it for him but would limit overnight contact until it’s sorted if possible. If not I’d have social work pay a visit.

Does it matter that it's too accommodating? All that matters is that the kids get a bed each. If Op waits for him to change, she'll be waiting till the kids have got grey hair.

YANBU

This as a temporary solution is fine but he’s had time to get them a bed each.

He has 2 kids and needs to provide for them.

You can get secondhand beds for free or cheap, so there’s no excuse.

I imagine the bed is the least of it. Is he feeding then, ensuring they are washed and have clean clothes? Homework and reading? I am assuming lazy ineffective parenting extends well beyond the beds.

Sofa is suddenly not comfortable enough for anyone to sleep on, so one of the two children has to share with dad, and out of the two of them, it's the 10-year-old girl rather than the 7-year-old boy that gets chosen to share?

Now I don't know the man. But fucking no.

Children of a different sex are not allowed to share beds after 10 so I'm sure your ex would be causing a safeguard issue.

I’d be concerned tbh, it’s not that he doesn’t have space or can’t afford a bed for each of them - he can’t be arsed sorting the house out. Having boxes etc preventing rooms being used isn’t good enough. As a social worker I’d be giving him a clear warning that if the house wasn’t sorted, I’d be removing the kids and he’d have a week to sort it out meanwhile the kids would be staying with someone else.

It’s not unreasonable to expect him to provide the basics, I’d also wonder if he was that neglectful, what other needs weren’t being attended to. Sharing a bed with your DD isn’t a huge issue in itself as long as it’s her choice and she has other viable options, but having no bed for herself means she doesn’t have a choice.

If you can’t withhold contact (eg court ordered contact) I’d make a referral to social work - who will demand to see the kids sleeping arrangements and will be clear about expectations going forward. What a bloody nonsense.