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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be mad at DH for giving child screen time

94 replies

Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 10:56

I am so mad and my only thought is to blame DH. I rarely get anytime to socialise with friends. The one time I do he overloads Dd with screen time. I’m talking the whole day I’m gone. 6 hours or so. I came back she wasn’t bathed, not put to bed, just in the same position I left her in whilst his on his phone next to her and DS is crying. That’s pretty standard as DS is 1 but DD is 3 and she certainly does not need that much overstimulation. I don’t give her any. I always play with her instead of rotting her brain but I find everytime she tries to interact with him he’ll just pass her an iPad to watch Bluey or YouTube. Or if I get a shower I come back and there she is, completely zombified. I understand kids can be difficult but he barely watches them as I’m the one who stays at home. He pretends he agrees that screen time is bad but the kids are constantly on it on his watch.

Fast forward to today, it’s his day to go out with friends and I’m with the kids. DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 16/02/2025 13:20

Yeah that's completely unacceptable, he's their parent too!
I'm definitely not anti screen time but all day for a 3 year old is ridiculous.

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 13:16

Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 13:09

There’s a difference between the people on here who want to offer constructive criticism or and advice and the people who just want to make others feel small because that’s how they feel behind their keyboard. You have already made your point repeatedly so I don’t understand to why you need to say it over and over again?

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I said twice about it being over the top.

It's not what I would call 'over and over'

You've told me i 'need to get a hobby' and implied my life is unfulfilling because I'm commenting on this thread.

I think the worst thing I've said is that the post is over the top!

You might want to look at how you're responding

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 13:13

KezzaMucklowe · 16/02/2025 13:09

It really does. Grin tbh if the rest of the post is so dramatic it makes me think the screen time us probably exaggerated.

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I don't know if it's exaggerated or not, but it's a hard read when a mother describes her child as an 'animal' and then a 'rabid animal', when they're basically behaving in a way that's difficult to handle.

Whatever the reason, she's a 3 year old girl with two parents who don't agree on their parenting styles, despite having had two children together.

KezzaMucklowe · 16/02/2025 13:11

Op, just try to relax. Get out for the day - jump in muddy puddles etc.
The dc will be fine.

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 13:11

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 13:03

we start the day everyday by going to the park.

Do you think it might be losing its appeal if it's every day? Could you mix it up a bit maybe?

What's she like at nursery/childminders?

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Absolutely lovely. She’s a very caring and generous girl. Have yet to have a problem.

OP posts:
KezzaMucklowe · 16/02/2025 13:09

MaJoady · 16/02/2025 11:32

No it really doesn't

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It really does. Grin tbh if the rest of the post is so dramatic it makes me think the screen time us probably exaggerated.

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 13:09

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 12:56

Nice

The thread was inviting comments and opinions.
I gave mine.

I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear

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There’s a difference between the people on here who want to offer constructive criticism or and advice and the people who just want to make others feel small because that’s how they feel behind their keyboard. You have already made your point repeatedly so I don’t understand to why you need to say it over and over again?

OP posts:
LucieLemon · 16/02/2025 13:07

The issue here is you and your husband are not on the same page when it comes to parenting.

You'll give your appraisal of how he parents and no doubt his appraisal of your parenting would be equally critical.

We can all say whether we agree with screen time or not but it's all completely irrelevant. You need consensus in your own household what the rules and expectations are around screens. It's more likely the inconsistency in parenting contributes to the disruptive behaviour, more so than the screen time.

All that being said, kids have bad days when they misbehave. All part of growing up, this could just be a bad day.

You need to talk with your husband and work together to parent.

CandyLeBonBon · 16/02/2025 13:04

Op, there's a middle ground here. You being super uptight about screen time is likely to backfire in the long run.

Rather than ranting about how 6 hours screen time has ruined your daughter for life, surely it's more productive to sit down with your husband and agree a reasonable compromise.

Otherwise your position could seem pretty controlling.

You can still protect your kids whilst having reasonable and mutually agreed viewing parameters.

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 13:03

Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 13:00

Zilch which is also infuriating. I also travel a lot! I know first hand on the plane screen time can be a god send. But everything in moderation. I rarely give her an IPad; she will play with her brother all day and we start the day everyday by going to the park. DH uses screen time excessively. I don’t think he understands the impact of if.

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we start the day everyday by going to the park.

Do you think it might be losing its appeal if it's every day? Could you mix it up a bit maybe?

What's she like at nursery/childminders?

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 13:00

Fupoffyagrasshole · 16/02/2025 12:37

Screens are useful for me when I need to cook the dinner or get the baby for a nap ! Its meant to be a treat though right! Not a constant! I get 3 year old a film on while I sort the baby or get food sorted and she’s so happy!

we travel a lot and she can have unlimited screens those days to keep the calm

if my husband did this when I went out though I’d be absolutely raging! Why isn’t he playing with his kids? Does he never take them out! Does he not know their schedule ?

how much does he do when you are both home together

Edited

Zilch which is also infuriating. I also travel a lot! I know first hand on the plane screen time can be a god send. But everything in moderation. I rarely give her an IPad; she will play with her brother all day and we start the day everyday by going to the park. DH uses screen time excessively. I don’t think he understands the impact of if.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 16/02/2025 12:56

She's 3. She's not going to be perfectly behaved all of the time OP and playing with her all of the time isn't good either. They need to be bored sometimes.

It's more likely she didn't get out to let off some energy so it's pent up. Get her out for a bit.

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 12:56

Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:54

If you don’t like the thread, don’t comment on it. I didn’t explicitly say Bluey was naughty. I found out she was watching YouTube videos and other programmes.

Is your life really so unfulfilling you have to comment multiple times on a thread that you think is over the top? Surely you’re wasting your time. Find a hobby.

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Nice

The thread was inviting comments and opinions.
I gave mine.

I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 12:54

Which ones do you class as 'naughty programmes' OP?

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:54

purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 12:49

One of the multiple reasons the post comes across so over the top

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If you don’t like the thread, don’t comment on it. I didn’t explicitly say Bluey was naughty. I found out she was watching YouTube videos and other programmes.

Is your life really so unfulfilling you have to comment multiple times on a thread that you think is over the top? Surely you’re wasting your time. Find a hobby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:50

Artesia · 16/02/2025 12:45

Regardless of everything else YABU for referring to Bluey as "naughty programmes". It was literally designed to role model good behaviours

Where did I explicitly say Bluey was naughty though? I’ll wait.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 16/02/2025 12:49

Artesia · 16/02/2025 12:45

Regardless of everything else YABU for referring to Bluey as "naughty programmes". It was literally designed to role model good behaviours

One of the multiple reasons the post comes across so over the top

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:48

Seeline · 16/02/2025 12:30

Honestly 6 hrs screen time is not going to cause problems the next day. She's just having a bad day.

She probably doesn't need a nap at 3 either. That's quite old.

I think she needs some screen time - in a controlled way in terms of time and content, or else she is going to find things difficult when she is older, both in terms of being able to chat with friends about programs etc, and self regulation when the time comes.

Each to their own. Multiple studies have found screen time can lead to issues like sleep disruption, decreased physical activity, poor social skills, attention problems, and potential negative impacts on cognitive development, especially in young children. So for my family, the negatives do not outweigh the positives. There was a time where there was no such thing as screen time and kids survived and thrived. I’d rather her be playing outside than just watching pixels but that’s me.

OP posts:
Artesia · 16/02/2025 12:45

Regardless of everything else YABU for referring to Bluey as "naughty programmes". It was literally designed to role model good behaviours

LameBorzoi · 16/02/2025 12:41

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 11:52

DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

Oh come on, 6 hours of screen time was far too much but it happened yesterday and you're trying to blame it on today's behaviour?

Sometimes kids just play up and sometimes they play up massively.

Today's a completely new day and if she's never acted like this before, that's probably because she's 3 and learning to push boundaries.

Maybe take her out for a run around the park so she can burn some energy.

Nope, it happens. It took days for mine to settle back down.

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 12:37

Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:24

That’s not the cause? She’s missed her nap which she never does. Has been screaming for screen time. Which never happens. And pushed her brother. Which is something she knows is wrong. Coincidence? Whilst 6 hours straight of screen time happened yesterday, he often gives it to her throughout the week, typically if I’m cooking dinner or getting a shower. I think I know my child more than a stranger online. She does not act like this.

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I think I know my child more than a stranger online.

What are you doing online, talking about your child then?

None of us know her, do we? 😳

Or are you only open to responses that match what you already think?

The sort of behaviour your child is displaying today, isn't necessarily due to what happened yesterday.

It could be, but convincing yourself it definitely is, won't help anyone because her behaviour still needs to be dealt with.

And what happens if she acts like this again and there's been no screen time and no-one for you to 'blame'?

Fupoffyagrasshole · 16/02/2025 12:37

Screens are useful for me when I need to cook the dinner or get the baby for a nap ! Its meant to be a treat though right! Not a constant! I get 3 year old a film on while I sort the baby or get food sorted and she’s so happy!

we travel a lot and she can have unlimited screens those days to keep the calm

if my husband did this when I went out though I’d be absolutely raging! Why isn’t he playing with his kids? Does he never take them out! Does he not know their schedule ?

how much does he do when you are both home together

Seeline · 16/02/2025 12:30

Honestly 6 hrs screen time is not going to cause problems the next day. She's just having a bad day.

She probably doesn't need a nap at 3 either. That's quite old.

I think she needs some screen time - in a controlled way in terms of time and content, or else she is going to find things difficult when she is older, both in terms of being able to chat with friends about programs etc, and self regulation when the time comes.

Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:24

Rhaidimiddim · 16/02/2025 11:51

He is, simply, a rubbish parent and you can't trust him with the kids for any length of time. He doesn't get the issue, doesn't see cause and effect, and seems to have nominterest or instinct for interaction with his chikdren socially.
It is what it is, I doubt he will change.
My ex was the same mindset.

Did you leave him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Userhey983 · 16/02/2025 12:24

PizzaPunk · 16/02/2025 11:52

DD is feral like I’ve never seen. Shes not listening to me, completely messes the house up with crayons which she never does, she’s lethargic (has no energy to play with toys like she normally does) and gets burst of energy but only to do something she knows not to do. The final straw was when she pushed her brother which she never does and he bumped her head. She’s like an animal today! I don’t blame her I blame him because she’s never like this unless she’s been overstimulated or she’s tired.

Oh come on, 6 hours of screen time was far too much but it happened yesterday and you're trying to blame it on today's behaviour?

Sometimes kids just play up and sometimes they play up massively.

Today's a completely new day and if she's never acted like this before, that's probably because she's 3 and learning to push boundaries.

Maybe take her out for a run around the park so she can burn some energy.

That’s not the cause? She’s missed her nap which she never does. Has been screaming for screen time. Which never happens. And pushed her brother. Which is something she knows is wrong. Coincidence? Whilst 6 hours straight of screen time happened yesterday, he often gives it to her throughout the week, typically if I’m cooking dinner or getting a shower. I think I know my child more than a stranger online. She does not act like this.

OP posts:
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