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Original poster

At what point is enough enough?

78 replies

BlessThisHousehold · 16/02/2025 10:17

I have struggled with MH issues on and off since early twenties. I’ve fallen into bad thought patterns that mainly involve people pleasing and being the fixer in the family. I struggle to negotiate friendships as I struggle to understand my role. So hard to explain so bear with me. I’m always assuming that I’ve done something wrong if there is no contact or poor contact.

This has continued into my life and now extends to in laws with my husband's sister. Since my most recent MH struggle I have distanced myself from the in laws as I have simply not had the strength to deal with them all. I feel that my husbands sister is arrogant and selfish. She never reaches out and asks how we are but in the past I’ve always done it. I’ve reached out about weekend plans and had a yeah we’re redoing this, hope you are all good. No asking about is or what we’re up to. I’m looking for a new job at the moment as really unhappy with my current one. Never asks about it. Our kids both have sen issues. Never asks. My husband agrees that she is selfish and has always been that way. There’s so much more and it is potentially outing so although for name changes, I’m still paranoid. She is quite happy to belittle me in front of people, playing to my insecurities. Did so recently in front of lots of family members and it was so upsetting. I did get an apology but it was dressed up as banter. Husband says that the vibe is toxic and I need to just let her get on with it. But I feel so inferior to her and cannot see others can’t see what I see. How do you let go of a relationship you know is no good for you? There’s been a recent social media post where she’d had a promotion and talked herself up about his hard she has worked. I avoid social media now but I couldn’t unsee it so sent a text with congratulations and just got a thank, hope you’re good.

please don’t say I’m jealous because, although there are some things about her life I envy, like all the support she gets from husbands parents I wouldn’t want to be like her. Just don’t know how others don’t see what I see. Please be kind.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlessThisHousehold · 16/02/2025 10:31

Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately my poor pattern of MH means that she has featured quite a bit in past upset. In the early days of me being with DH, I overheard her slagging me off to her best mate. We are very different. She’s a massive extrovert and loves the attention and I’m not. Before Christmas we had a family gathering and she took the piss out of me then, claiming that I usually do nothing to help but had actually bothered this time.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 16/02/2025 10:25

If someone belittles you in public setting - ask them to explain, act like you don't get what was said, ask them to repeat it, what did you mean? This shifts the focus back to them.

When they say it again - ask them did they mean to insult you? not aggressive, like did you mean to insult me, as that sounded like an insult? It can be interpreted as an insult and that's not nice.

By now they should be back peddling or "it's just a joke, you're too sensitive" - by this time prepare you ending...

That's not funny though, insulting someone isn't a joke, be funnier.

And then stop the conversation with them, turn your back.

Emmaagain00 · 16/02/2025 10:24

It sounds like you're quite fixated on your sil.

Why are you letting your sil bother you so much?

I only speak to my sil on birthdays and at Christmas and we might make small talk at family gatherings. She never texts me but does occasionally chat with dh who is her brother. We're just not close but we are adults and can be civil to one another.