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Original poster

Hen do dilemma

32 replies

HEIHEI23 · 16/02/2025 10:07

Completely prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable here 😂
Been invited to cousin's hen do in summer. £200 for one night in spa plus cost of dinner.
For context, she was my bridesmaid but I've not been asked to be hers and she's also not having our baby (her nephew) as anything despite having other children involved. She came to my hen do. this was the same price but for three nights and included all food/drink, afternoon tea, cocktail making and kayaking. This was also a year in advance rather than 4 months.
I'm reluctant to pay for the following reasons:

  1. I'm on maternity and we've just had to buy a new car due to the old one breaking so money is tight.
  2. all of the people I would normally leave the baby with are going on the hen do so he would have to stay with a grandad. They're both capable but never had him on their own before.
  3. I feel it's a lot of money just for one night!
  4. if I'm honest, I'm hurt that she's not asked me to be part of her wedding although I'm aware I'm probably being petty.

So am I being unreasonable and should just suck it up? I love my cousin to pieces and do feel like I'm probably just reluctant as I'm hurt but also practically it's not great. I would love a spa trip though 😂

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 16/02/2025 10:13

Is the baby's dad going to the hen do? Or is stag same night and going to that?

Purpleturtle46 · 16/02/2025 10:12

I think she is doing what she wants for her hen, just as you did what you wanted for yours so I don't think you can say much about that, especially it's around the same price, albeit for a shorter length of time. Can the baby's Dad not look after him. I'm confused how your child can be the nephew if it's your cousin that's getting married?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 16/02/2025 10:12

Your baby is not her nephew

if you don’t want to go don’t go but let her know now so other arrangements can be made.

Perplexed20 · 16/02/2025 10:11

If you can't justify going because money is tight, yanbu.
If you don't want to go because not being part of the wedding party, that is petty and yabu.

Hoppinggreen · 16/02/2025 10:11

How is your baby your cousins nephew?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 16/02/2025 10:11

Also £200 in a spa hotel isn’t a crazy amount of money, but obviously if you can’t afford it you shouldn’t spend it

ToKittyornottoKitty · 16/02/2025 10:09

Why can’t the baby stay with its dad? She’s doing nothing wrong by having you and your family as just guests, it doesn’t matter what you did. But you can’t afford it and you don’t like her so don’t go.

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