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Original poster

To not know how to manage social situations and kids with colds

66 replies

StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 01:43

I think I’ve lost the ability to judge how to manage social situations and kids with colds so am looking for a steer. amy kids were very young before covid so not sure what was the norm then or what the new norm is now either.

I have young children, toddler and school age. Among other friends with young children there is an acceptance that kids get colds, they are in childcare and school and basically very exploded to bugs. If we have plans with another family and one of mine has a cough / runny nose I’ll usually tell the other family and they will say they are happy to stick with the plan and still meet. If the child has a fever we would cancel as the sick child won’t be well enough to enjoy the activity anyway.

I should say we are lucky we have no particular vulnerabilities to illness and would also stick with plans if a child we’re meeting had a cold i.e. cough / runny nose. I appreciate a heads up but wouldn’t especially mind if a child we were meeting turned out to have cold symptoms. Different if they were very unwell but runny nose / cough symptoms seem constant with small kids and wouldn’t bother me.

I find it more difficult though with extended family where we have plans with adults who don’t have young kids. Do they expect us to cancel or warn in advance about cold symptoms…?

We are meant to meet wider family tomorrow and my toddler has a cough. No fever and they’ve had it for a week, checked by doctor about 4 days in and no treatment needed - viral and let it ride out. Everyone else in the family is well.

I’ve told those people I’m in regular touch with as it came up in conversation - how’s your week, fine, X has a cough etc. But I haven’t messaged everyone we’ll be seeing to let them know about this cough. Should I? Is that what people generally do? I don’t know if people have reasons to be more cautious about coughs for example. Or is messaging everyone over the top and will they think my child is more ill than they actually are or that I want to cancel?

What is the norm here with kids and colds…thanks!

OP posts:
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VeryDeepEverything · 16/02/2025 18:18

Agree, and the less well I know someone, the more likely I am to err on the side of caution. Because I already know what the pov of people I know well is.

Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 17:07

I should have added a poll really - only conclusion seems to be that enough people would appreciate a heads up so better to share information in advance if in doubt, especially if the meet up is going to involve lots of close contact / less so if mild illness and easy to avoid at a larger event.

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VeryDeepEverything · 16/02/2025 15:57

Agree @Delatron

Delatron · 16/02/2025 15:28

I think at a large event like that it’s fine. Especially if this is a lingering cough that toddler has had for week - you’re more infectious just before symptoms not weeks later. Probably a few with colds at this time of year and that’s the risk with a large event.

If I have friends coming over and we’ll be in a confined space or they are staying over I like a heads up.

Out in a crowded restaurant- they’ll be quite a few people with coughs/colds so that’s the risk you take.

Cynic17 · 16/02/2025 15:23

I have no kids, but it would never enter my head to say that people couldn't visit if they or their children had a cold. Colds are just one of those things - we all get them, we can catch them on the bus, in the cinema, shops etc. They do not merit anyone cancelling a visit.
Just forget about it, OP, because it really doesn't matter.

HJA87 · 16/02/2025 15:16

Adhikv · 16/02/2025 11:38

It doesn’t actually occur to me to tell people now; I’ve got 3 children and if people don’t want to see us when one of us has colds then basically you won’t see us in winter. I am more aware when people have babies as I know when I had a baby I’d avoid people with colds

That would be fine, thanks 😀

Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 14:55

VeryDeepEverything · 16/02/2025 14:51

I'm not sure avoidance of standard bugs is more important than socialising for the majority of people.
If some have particular considerations the balance might tip for them but we can't all live as though we are immune suppressed we are sociable creatures and don't thrive when prevented from doing that, especially in the darker months! 😱

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Very true.

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VeryDeepEverything · 16/02/2025 14:51

StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 14:39

I get this - but so many viruses are spread before people have any symptoms so it seems like we could end up missing events and people would still catch things? I don’t disagree though, I actually wonder if we should move to having fewer gatherings in winter months as a means of stopping so much circulation.

Show quote history

I'm not sure avoidance of standard bugs is more important than socialising for the majority of people.
If some have particular considerations the balance might tip for them but we can't all live as though we are immune suppressed we are sociable creatures and don't thrive when prevented from doing that, especially in the darker months! 😱

Notgivenuphope · 16/02/2025 14:42

I would never cancel unless it was D&V or something requiring A&E. I don’t warn or expect to be warned neither. Crack on!

Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 14:40

Just to say thanks for all the views, it’s helpful to know people appreciate being let know in advance.

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Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 14:39

JC03745 · 16/02/2025 14:27

At this time of year I would think you’d be quite likely to catch something, with those numbers? That’s the part that makes me wonder; is it worth keeping kids away when so much is circulating anyway.

Just because colds are circulating, is that a reason to compound it? Maybe its selfish people letting their sick children be around people that is the reason its circulating! 🙄

I get this - but so many viruses are spread before people have any symptoms so it seems like we could end up missing events and people would still catch things? I don’t disagree though, I actually wonder if we should move to having fewer gatherings in winter months as a means of stopping so much circulation.

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Surprisedcupcake · 16/02/2025 14:29

One person's cold is another person's pneumonia. It's put me in hospital before and I'm not even immunocompromised. I think you should always let people know so they can make their own decision, otherwise you're essentially deciding to take risks for them.

JC03745 · 16/02/2025 14:27

At this time of year I would think you’d be quite likely to catch something, with those numbers? That’s the part that makes me wonder; is it worth keeping kids away when so much is circulating anyway.

Just because colds are circulating, is that a reason to compound it? Maybe its selfish people letting their sick children be around people that is the reason its circulating! 🙄

fitzwilliamdarcy · 16/02/2025 14:21

StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 14:18

This wasn’t something we could postpone though. It was a family event with about 10 kids and 30 adults. At this time of year I would think you’d be quite likely to catch something, with those numbers? That’s the part that makes me wonder; is it worth keeping kids away when so much is circulating anyway.

Show quote history

I meant that I would postpone, meaning I’d miss the event, not the child.

But I don’t think it’s necessarily a good argument to have sick kids out on the basis that so much is circulating - that’s probably why so much is circulating!

Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 14:18

fitzwilliamdarcy · 16/02/2025 14:14

I don’t have kids and colds always go to my chest, meaning I get quite ill with them. I’d be quite irritated if someone just brought their sick child around me and didn’t let me know in advance, as I would definitely postpone. Even family.

This wasn’t something we could postpone though. It was a family event with about 10 kids and 30 adults. At this time of year I would think you’d be quite likely to catch something, with those numbers? That’s the part that makes me wonder; is it worth keeping kids away when so much is circulating anyway.

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fitzwilliamdarcy · 16/02/2025 14:14

I don’t have kids and colds always go to my chest, meaning I get quite ill with them. I’d be quite irritated if someone just brought their sick child around me and didn’t let me know in advance, as I would definitely postpone. Even family.

Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 14:04

JC03745 · 16/02/2025 14:01

I'd like a warning.
I don't can't have children. Pre-covid, my cousin invited my out for a Chinese for my birthday. Lovely. Her toddler had a stinking cold, green snot and a cough. They put plates of food on the table. He grabbed my chopstick and ran it back and forth across his snot. Throughout the meal he coughed over the food! Funnily enough, I ended up with a cold myself.

An older child knows to cover their mouth if coughing, but toddlers/young children will just cough over anything. Yuck!

I get this - the event in question wasn’t a holiday or a sit down meal so it was easier to avoid the toddler.

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JC03745 · 16/02/2025 14:01

I'd like a warning.
I don't can't have children. Pre-covid, my cousin invited my out for a Chinese for my birthday. Lovely. Her toddler had a stinking cold, green snot and a cough. They put plates of food on the table. He grabbed my chopstick and ran it back and forth across his snot. Throughout the meal he coughed over the food! Funnily enough, I ended up with a cold myself.

An older child knows to cover their mouth if coughing, but toddlers/young children will just cough over anything. Yuck!

Lemonade2011 · 16/02/2025 13:50

I work with children(nurse) and at the moment pretty much every child who comes to see me has a mild cold/sniffles/cough. Mostly they are well, no fever etc and I still vaccinate as long as they are well in themselves/no fever etc the weather doesn’t help, it’s freezing then mild. I am pretty much immune to these colds(hopefully am on annual leave next week) but I don’t think a mild cold precludes them from being out and about. If they are obviously miserable and feeling crap no stay at home.

Namechangean · 16/02/2025 13:50

StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 13:45

I’m very clear on not meeting up when they are actively sick also for example fever or d&v. Just less clear on runny nose / cough but kids that are well in themselves. Not as sure in those cases.

My niece came on a holiday with us with a cough and a sniffle, could have been a cold, could have been Covid, who knows. My wife got ill a few days later, then me, my wife ended up with pneumonia. Personally I’d appreciate a heads up so we can decide ourselves

Patagonianpenguin · 16/02/2025 13:46

If one of my kids has a cold I just tell whoever we will be seeing (other than some friends/family etc who I just know won't care, as their own kids also have colds 80% of the time in winter!). My dad is immunocompromised so if the kids had anything slightly stronger then common cold we usually don't see him. But my 18 month old in his first year at nursery has a runny nose 50% of the time at the moment. The people who annoy me are those who turn up at work clearly with early flu or blithely saying they have vomited the day before, or at avoidable social gatherings with kids with hand foot and mouth. If anyone in your family is having chemo etc I would obviously avoid but presumably they would also avoid a big indoor party in winter?

Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 13:45

I’m very clear on not meeting up when they are actively sick also for example fever or d&v. Just less clear on runny nose / cough but kids that are well in themselves. Not as sure in those cases.

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Namechangean · 16/02/2025 13:41

Honestly what harm is it to let people know your kids poorly before you meet, it’s so selfish to turn up with little Petri dishes because then they’d have to be so rude to say actually I’m going to leave as I don’t want to get ill. Give them an out before. It’s not health anxiety, it’s just curteous

Namechangean · 16/02/2025 13:39

I don’t have kids but it winds me up when I’m taking my nieces or nephew out and their parents send them sick. I’ve got a job and a life. My day out with the kids is not worth me picking up their bug

Original poster
StillTryingtoBuy · 16/02/2025 13:36

Catza · 16/02/2025 13:23

If it's your family then surely you know what they would prefer. In my family, we don't alert each other. We have a large family and, as a consequence, we've had new babies born every two years for the last 67 years. If everyone was announcing illnesses or self-isolating we would have never been able to gather. The only exception is when someone has a confirmed case of COVID.

A complicating factor, we live abroad but travel back quite often. So I haven’t really figured out what normal practice for them even though we are quite close.

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