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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel annoyed DH cooked something he knows I don't like

68 replies

FleursDeFilles · 15/02/2025 22:28

DH very rarely cooks. It's a combination of his long work hours (so doesn't get in in time to make anything) and he really never learned to cook anything. Anyway, for Valentines (yes, sorry, another Valentines thread) his gift to me was a meal cooked by himself. It was a surprise and I didn't know what it would be until he dished up. It was a food from his parents' country origin. It's really the only thing he knows how to make.
I said it tasted delicious because I didn't want him to feel sad after he went to all the effort. But he literally said "I know you don't like things cooked in tomato sauce but here you go".

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he didn't at least try to make something else?

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 16/02/2025 02:48

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:12

Do you like pizza, I know, I’m being annoying but most foods have some kind of tomato product in it.

You are being really annoying.

Scorchio84 · 16/02/2025 02:47

This is a bit shit.. I've cooked steak for my various OH's over the years... they eat, I eat something else... it's never a fait accompli Ta Dah eat everyone, he knows you don't eat tomato based food, odd as that is, my OH doesn't cook me offal

Like if I forced Poitín on him... if he was a Budweiser man

EdithBond · 16/02/2025 02:46

Wilful incompetence is thoughtless.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/02/2025 02:12

It's pathetic that he's a grown man and can only cook one thing. He needs to be doing more of it and will never learn if he doesn't do it.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/02/2025 02:12

Happyinarcon · 16/02/2025 01:40

I can see it from your husbands point of view, some people were bought up having to eat everything and while they have food preferences they are happy enough to eat everything. I once went into an icecream shop and got my husband a strawberry sobet because he prefers sobet, but I was soon to discover he only likes lemon sorbet and feels there’s is a huge taste difference between strawberry and lemon sorbet. To me sorbet is sobet. Speaking for myself I HATE when people put sultanas in curries but if my husband made me this dish for my birthday I’d eat it and be happy anyway.

You'd be happy and eat it anyway if he knew you didn't like sultanas in curries, knew it but did it anyway when it's so easy to leave them out?

Why? It's just thoughtless.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 16/02/2025 02:02

Why on earth would he cook you something he knows you don't like? That's just weird.

Reminds me of when my good friend bought me a product from a skincare line that was the only unscented thing they carry, when I'd told her the thing I liked best about the brand was its scents.

I really don't know where people's heads are sometimes.

Maxorias · 16/02/2025 01:46

Regardless of whether he can learn to cook or not, if he can't cook anything but stuff you don't like he could have picked another gift...

Happyinarcon · 16/02/2025 01:40

I can see it from your husbands point of view, some people were bought up having to eat everything and while they have food preferences they are happy enough to eat everything. I once went into an icecream shop and got my husband a strawberry sobet because he prefers sobet, but I was soon to discover he only likes lemon sorbet and feels there’s is a huge taste difference between strawberry and lemon sorbet. To me sorbet is sobet. Speaking for myself I HATE when people put sultanas in curries but if my husband made me this dish for my birthday I’d eat it and be happy anyway.

CarolinaWren · 16/02/2025 01:34

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/02/2025 22:42

If it’s all he knows how to cook I don’t blame him going with it.

Surely he’s capable of reading a recipe? Watching a video? Using those transferable skills?

He could have purchased a takeout meal she enjoys, if he really couldn't be bothered cooking something she likes.

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:31

It’s really the audacity and uncaring that’s the problem. It’s all about him.

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:29

Fencehedge · 16/02/2025 01:13

This isn't a gift, he should be cooking half the week! Get him told.

I trusting he’s not a good cook and he was supposed to make her something she liked but he made something he liked instead.

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:25

Those are very specific spices definitely not everyone likes that cumin or whatever spices are in it. You’re not alone in your taste. Most people don’t like egg thing. Some people hate eggs period but he definitely made something he wanted to eat. So make him something he doesn’t like next time. Fun times. Sometimes you have to show them exactly what you mean. Lol

Original poster
FleursDeFilles · 16/02/2025 01:19

@Devianinc all fair questions! I don't mind pizza, but would much prefer a white base pizza. I think you might be right with the seasoning idea because for example, I would never ever go for a shakshuka but might consider a lasagne.

OP posts:
Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:19

I see your point now. My son doesn’t like most things unless it has chicken in it, amazingly chicken parm and all things parm except eggplant the best.

Original poster
FleursDeFilles · 16/02/2025 01:16

Oh my goodness, the description of recipes you've given is the stuff of nightmares @SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice!

DH is similar to @KingTutting 's DH and will stray from a given recipe - with the creativity of a 10 year old. For example, he once made me minty mashed potatoes. He was doing ok with the addition of salt, black pepper and cheese... And then mint.

@ki
Edit: sorry can't untag the random ki

OP posts:
Fencehedge · 16/02/2025 01:13

This isn't a gift, he should be cooking half the week! Get him told.

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:12

Do you like pizza, I know, I’m being annoying but most foods have some kind of tomato product in it.

StormingNorman · 16/02/2025 01:11

Stew is the easiest thing in the world to cook. It’s a good place to start! Teach him exactly how you like it and then he can’t get it wrong.

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:09

So you don’t like lasagne, speghetti and meatballs, tomato soup or baked ziti. Simple marina,. No tomatoes at all ever, or is it the seasoning. Doesn’t really matter. It’s only bc I love most American made Italian food. Chicken Parmesan? Just wondering if it’s the seasoning.

Devilsmommy · 16/02/2025 00:59

NameChanges123 · 15/02/2025 23:06

Yeah this.

Being able to cook only ONE dish is a bit pathetic. People can learn to cook!

Show quote history

I'm a fucking shit cook and even I can make more than one thing😂

Myotherusernameiswaybetter · 16/02/2025 00:53

If you don’t have kids you should retire from cooking.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 16/02/2025 00:51

Ok, well work with that. In a way as he is new to cooking, he has no bad habits. My American DH thought he could cook when we got together, but he can’t. Think of the videos of foil pans with raw chicken where you then add a bottle of ketchup, a tin of sweet corn, and some uncooked rice, cover and stick in the oven. Or you make a giant ball of mince steak and put it in a foil pan with cut up potatoes, carrots, and onion…a layer of ketchup cover and bake.

Yeech.

So for awhile we would cook together so not only could he learn to cook properly, but also learn to cook things the way we both like them (he’s always loved my cooking). Once we had cooked together our favourites, he was able to do it himself.

Original poster
FleursDeFilles · 16/02/2025 00:44

So I went downstairs and asked how he made the decision to make it and he said he knew it was something he could make and he didn't want to risk messing it up. And then he asked if I really did like it. And I said no, because I don't like things in tomato sauce but I said it was well made nonetheless (which it was, for example, chicken cooked nicely and not dry and overcooked, potatoes weren't undercooked etc).

And then I said the last time I said I didn't like what he made, he didn't cook for three years - once upon a time ages ago I said I'd like him to help more with cooking and he said I was too picky and it put him off cooking. And so I said to him tonight, it's too much of a gamble to tell him it was bad in case he won't cook anything for the next 3 years. He said he will cook me a stew next weekend. And then asked me what exactly is a stew.......

OP posts:
Givemestrength1000 · 15/02/2025 23:26

Can he read? Is he a fking idiot? Why can’t he read a simple recipe?

Not being able to cook is not a thing. Laziness is a thing, however.

KingTutting · 15/02/2025 23:24

DH also can’t cook, it’s not that he can’t follow a recipe, but the desire to fuck about with it at some stage to make it inedible, is too strong.
The last meal he made me was haggis, I don’t really eat meat much anyway, I especially don’t like things like sausages. He had to go buy me a takeaway.