Child ear piercing gone wrong - help me with what to say

You’d probably be shocked at the number and position of my piercings, but adults and older teenagers are not the same as 7 year old children.

As i said upthread, i'm 43, i have a lot of piercings in my ears, some done by gun at a jewellers when i was 11, some by claires when i was a teenager, and some by a professional piercer over the last few years.

The most recent my daughter got to see first hand the aftercare required, the pain when i did get an infection (my fault) and the 'fun' of trying to change the earrings in cartilage piercings and has decided she doesn't want hers done ever.

2 sets of my lobe ones i don't change, they have titanium sleepers in, they're the ones claires did and they still give me grief, so its easier just to clean them occasionally and not mess.

Everyone has to be 'brave' for a piercing, i know even though i REALLY wanted it, and it was done by a professional, my triple helix still needed courage, and it bloody hurt by the third one.. so an 8yo needing to be brave doesn't mean they're not ready.

The only thing i would say to anyone who's children want piercings, is please not a gun, and PLEASE make sure you make them aware of the aftercare and the dos/don'ts of today, because the advice is very different from when we were kids.

You keep saying how brave and mature enough DD is, sorry but it does not sound that way from your posts.

she was very upset

panicking due to some blood around hole

so distressed (when you tried to put the earring back in)

I had to go as had a very upset little girl to sort out

I think you need to accept she isn’t emotionally mature enough to have a piercing yet. She’s only 8 so it’s understandable!

It isn't just about the piercing itself, it’s if something goes wrong just like it has in this case and it’s all drama and upset (from the pair of you actually).

I was too shocked to really process it

Allowing my children to be pierced isn't not a bad parenting decision and does not give you the moral high ground by claiming you have standards. If I told you my year 11 DD has 4 lobe in each ear, helix in both, forward helix in 1, nostril and navel, you'd probably report me to social services for child abuse 😂

Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. Some of us just have standards and make better parenting decisions.

Untrue. Being authoritarian is much more likely to send teens off the rails.

Fostering a strong sense of self-worth and understanding of consent is important.

If you think imposing arbitrary rules over your kids’ body is going to make them respect your rules or their body, you are deluding yourself.

The alternative to ‘her body, her rules’ is ‘her body, my rules’ and that is a pretty icky way to think. I’m pretty sure the Proud Boys have been using that phrase for the abortion bans in the US.

Similar experience here. They were very clear with me that if my child changed their mind or didn’t want the second one, they would not do it. They did breathing exercises and checked consent with them throughout. I had to sign the form and provide proof of age, parental responsibility etc, but once in the room, consent could only be given by child and had to be given several times.

Compare that to the video of the Claire’s employees piercing a screaming toddler being manhunt by their parents in the middle of a mall. Grim.

What that experience showed me was that they were professional and correctly trained, and cared about the experience as much as the end result.

What it showed my child was that their consent was more important than anyone else’s, and that they could make choices about their own body that were driven only by them - all important lessons which I believe will have positive consequences on their understanding of consent.

Wait and see how being unnecessarily authoritarian pans out for you with teenagers.

Much better parenting is allowing autonomy within safe boundaries.

Allowing a child to make a decision about ear piercing is in no way comparable to enabling underage and illegal sex.

The kind of parent who doesn’t allow their child to develop a sense of personal responsibility, often ends up with a teenager who lies and does whatever they want behind your back, or is so sheltered they struggle with life.

Trusting your child to make appropriate decisions is part of parenting. You might not agree that ear piercing is appropriate at 8 but the law is ok with it, so society isn’t on your side.

I do agree that places like Claire’s are awful and shouldn’t be allowed to pierce anyone.

most reputable piercing studios will pierce well below 18. But a parent needs to consent and be present. she cannot just rock up herself.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Piercing is not against the law, unlike those other examples. We all have to abide by laws, but body autonomy is important and doesn’t begin at an arbitrary age.

The only exception to that for me would be medical procedures, including vaccinations, where the advice of experts should be given greater weight.

But piercing? My child is perfectly capable of deciding whether or not they want their ears pierced. And if they change their mind, it’s a really simple fix.

that's all a bit dramatic. let it heal. a freshly pierced ear will heal over in no time and then get it redone - at a proper piercing salon. not at Claire's with the silly guns. Problem solved. It's a none issue really.

But it is blunt trauma with a gun? Just look it up.
this was not a single use gun either.

i’m not sure where you’re going to get piercings, but everywhere I've ever gone they have put new gloves on right in front of me
i have a lot of piercings. I would avoid anywhere that was not doing this.

Unsure where people are getting that she wasn't ready?
its understandable she would be upset at losing an earring and then that there was blood from the hole.
im 40 and still pysch myself up before getting a new piercing or tat even though im ready, as i know they're about to put a hole threw me!
then op was trying to put the earring back so clearly she did not want her to go back near her ears!

fresh piercings start closing up immediately do not advice people to try put an earring back through.

Mumsnet thinks it’s even worse than that!

It is laughable really!

It's not unusual at all except in Mumsnet world where piercings of any form are seen as akin to injecting your child with hard drugs and the start of a downward spiral of depravity.

This! Why is it such a big deal to get ears pierced?! Why all the Mumsnet faux outrage?! I don't get it. In the real world kids get their ears pierced all the time and it's a totally normal thing to do.

Disagree. My daughter wanted hers done and I felt she was mature enough to make a decision about her own body at a similar age.

I took her to a reputable piercing studio and it has been fine, apart from a few lost backs.

Body autonomy is not something that starts at an arbitrary age - we have it from birth.

So just as I disagree with piercing tiny babies, I stand by the decisions a capable, sensible 8 year old can make about their own body.

@formula3 leave the one that’s in alone and continue the aftercare on both holes.

Find a reputable piercer that works with children - some local to me start at 7, others 9 or 10 - and next time go there.

Why anyone pays more for a shop girl to use a gun than a proper, trained piercer is beyond me.

I don’t understand how for some reason she isn’t ready if it “requires courage” for her to get them done? I wasn’t allowed my ears pierced until I was 18 (mad) and I then had them done with a gun. I was obviously a bit nervous because I didn’t know if it would hurt etc. I’ve since had (and taken out) a good number of piercings and I had to psych myself up every time because someone shoving a needle through various parts of your body is painful! Even when I got my nose pierced a few years ago when I was 27, I felt a bit wobbly afterwards. I don’t think a child needs to feel zero nerves whatsoever to get their ears pierced.

Also imo 8 isn’t particularly young. It’s your fucking earlobes. It’s hardly a tongue piercing. I probably wouldn’t let my kid get it done at that age but it’s also not shocking to me. There is such a disconnect between what’s normal in the real world and what’s insane, negligent parenting on here.

Well, given you’ve talked about her numerous medical procedures and blood tests and a consultant, personally I wouldn’t have messed with anything invasive, with an infection risk, without thinking about it in a lot more detail. Claire’s reviews can be found very easily. Anyway, you know that now. It’s a shame your DC has had to suffer in the meantime though.

many don't, though and can't be faulted.

Jesus I didn’t think anyone went to Claire’s for ear piercing anymore! I wouldn’t let them pierce a bit of pineapple with a stick.
Letting some unqualified shop assistant loose with a piercing gun.

Sorry you had a bad experience at Claire's, I think you now know to do your research when and if your daughter decides to get her ears repierced.
I am not sure whether Claire's will give a refund, they might refund the piercing process but I think you will struggle to get them to refund the earring cost and cleaning solution, but good luck and you should definitely try.

Lots of children here either have their ears pierced as babies, or around the age of 8. Not sure why this has triggered so many people claiming this is abuse 🙄
I would suggest waiting til the start of the summer holidays, and that is what the headteacher of my children's school will often write in the end of term newsletter stating that this allows time for healing, as even if ours have studs, they must be removed or covered with tape (I know you said studs are allowed in your school, but you might want to check if they make them cover them as that can be uncomfortable too). If your daughter plays sport or goes to swimming lessons they may also have their own rules about jewellery, I believe any team that follows the FA rules for example makes children remove earrings.

It is a definite minefield. My daughter wants hers done and I have been trying to research but there is always a bad review. One of my friends got her daughter's done at H Samuel and it sounded good, but it still sounds like a gun system that I wasn't sure on. Similarly a few of the tattoo/piercing places I have looked at, also don't have perfect reviews, so it is tough to find somewhere that you can be completely confident in.

Thank god you’re bowing out, I suggest a long walk to clear your head!

Get a grip! Withdraw from the thread! You’re derailing and being ridiculous.

You save your energies for people who really can’t “properly” parent, those are plentiful.

This is not a case of not being able to “properly” parent, it’s your ridiculous and dramatic reaction.

If you act like this over a pair of earrings, imagine when your child comes to you with something serious that they’ve made a decision on, give ahead and done it. Your OTT reaction will be not “properly” parenting!

I think that’s quite unusual. The ‘convention’ at my DC’s school and with everyone else I know is to do it in the summer holidays after they turn 11. No way I’d let my 7 year old get their ears pierced.