Valentines date didn't go as planned

That can be a form of control too though.

You got a live one on your hands here OP. Good luck if you stay because this gets worse and more entrenched.

You are describing my ex and by the time I left four years later, he had gone from a normal happy go lucky and fascinating bloke to a controlling asshole that blamed even the way he failed to clean his car on me. Everything was a contest and a race to be bottom and it was sickening.

Once I got to the point I could see through him and he knew that I could, he became dangerous.

Just like you, I learned to 'head some of it off at the pass'. With the remote for example, I would buy another couple but that would have pissed him off too. You are walking on eggshells and he is loving it. It means that he can use this and all the historical stuff to manipulate your day. Your life is actually a battleground. Until you see this though, you will want to stay as you are taking the blame for him being a prick.

One day he will overstep so badly, it will be like a pillar of fire and you will have to go for the sake of your child. It might be in ten months or five years but all that time has been wasted.

Wrong lesson, OP. The lesson you are being shown is that your DP isn't 'dear' at all, but a controlling person who is saying it's his way or the highway. Believe what he is telling you and take the highway, esp if he thinks of DC as 'yours' rather than the child of both of you. Someone who makes a major scene about saucepan lids and remotes in order to spoil a planned outing isn't worth the bother. Honestly, you will be better off without him.

I have only posted to address your posts, not the OP's, so your guesses on what I believe are neither here nor there.

The reason I posted to address you is because I'm aware that a huge amount of people do not properly understand domestic abuse. A lot of people who accuse people of being abusive with no background information are not coming from a place of objectivity or knowledge.

Essentially, I do not automatically trust a random person's interpretation of an unseen post, because it's likely that they don't know what they're talking about.

Somebody ignoring you is not 'proof', and neither is your personal interpretation of the posts you have seen, which you have chosen not to share.

It's lovely that you don't want to try to push someone into disclosing something, although I have to say that rings a bit hollow after blatantly accusing this poster of being abusive.

I'm suspect if it wasn't the remote he would have found something else wrong to ruin it.

If my husband told me off for not making sure the remote was where he wanted it to be at all times I'd tell him to get real.

He'll wear you down OP. It's really not you.

Have a serious think about your marriage and start plans. Don't have another kid until things are resolved.

I didn't mean to say that I got confused ignore this msg please!

Is renolevo the op?? One sarnie short of a picnic lol!!!!

If you can’t prove it, and it’s on another forum, then don’t mention it here.

Ok I'm naive. After reading all these posts my conclusion is OP Is unhinged.

What? A lesson he's taught you? His behaviour is very unreasonable.

Think carefully about what you've written here. You shouldn't have to adjust your behaviour to prevent him kicking off.
My dh has tried to tell me how things should be I just tell him he's not my boss and to wind his neck in. It doesn't always work but he is aware I stay because I want to not because I have to and I think that's made him adjust his attitude because he very rarely does it now,

There’s definitely more to the story, I agree.

I’m not in any way sticking up for the man but, to me it sounds like the remote going missing was more like the trigger, not the cause, maybe he’s got something on his mind that he is struggling to verbalise or explain. Work issue maybe? Its still unreasonable to go bananas over a remote though!

Oh dear. I had one like this, he was left alone with the remote,, when I left him 5 years ago. Put your boundaries in place and don't let his nonsense ruin any day for you ever again.
Good luck, it won't get better. Imagine years of this .... then years of retirement with this ... no no no

He ‘started it’ - both of you carried it on.
From your narrative it seems like you’ve turned it into a bigger drama . You can try and fix it - or not.

But you both have to give a little if you want to make it work.

have you ever thought he has a mild OCD which could be why he worries about remote etc disproportionately ?

There's plenty more to add. For instance you could add the post that you are talking about. Why would you choose to give your interpretation of this anonymous post instead of just posting a link to it? If it's so cut and dry then people can make up their own minds.

To be fair, DH was over it by the time the party finished. It was OP who stropped off on her own.

It's your house, too.

And you don't have to live like that.

She even said the toddler could well have moved it.

And even if the toddler didn't, so what?

No one should have to be catered to to that extent so they don't ruin everyone else's entire day because an item wasn't in a particular 6" space at a particular time. No one.

That's a bad relationship. He will never stop behaving like this unless you manage to put a stop to it. Either you address it or you leave him. Personally, I'd put the remote through the TV screen and tell him where to put the pan lids, he sounds horrid.