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Original poster

Valentine's Day drama

216 replies

wandapower · 15/02/2025 13:49

Yesterday was our one year anniversary and Valentine's Day obvs. With my ex, he never used to make an effort over these things and it would really upset me and ruin all occasions. Birthdays, valentines, Christmas- I would come with thought out gifts and he would take them but give nothing back until I got upset then he'd buy something and apologise, state how much he loves me etc.

My DP knows this and know how important celebrating occasions and gift giving it - I don't need anything extravagant even just a card/flowers etc just something that shows effort.

I had my child until the early evening so came over to his house later in the evening. Our original plan was to go to cinema on the day like we did last year but I've just been laid off from my job so felt a bit down so suggested we do this on Saturday instead. I brought a small gift and card for him, nothing big. He took it but didn't read the card and didn't have anything for me. Cinema was booked up and it's a 3 hr film and it would have been a late screening so decided to just see it the next day. We went for a walk instead and got a takeaway. On the way back I started to feel a bit down that he hadn't got me anything. I thought maybe he had hid it and would give me a card or something but we got back to his, watched some of a series we were watching. He asked me to take the plates we used to the kitchen but I said no, he should as he's closer and I was in bed warm. After one episode I started scrolling on instagram and obviously saw loads of posts celebrating valentines so don't make it obvious but felt a bit down that again I've ended up with a guy who doesn't care to make me feel special or appreciated. He turned off the tv and seemed as if he was going to sleep. I felt really shitty and couldn't sleep so turned on my laptop and started doing work but was over thinking and at this point got upset and silently crying and rethinking our whole relationship as like I said, history was repeating. He woke up and promoted me to go to the kitchen again. By this time it was 1am. Anyway, turns out he had bought a huge teddy, with wine and chocolates but wanted to make me feel like he had done nothing so it would be a surprise. I was so upset by this point and felt stupid so was still crying and couldn't get happy over the fact he had actually done something for valentiens. He has bipolar and was upset that I was upset so he slept in the other room but said he loved me but he felt stupid and sad for upsetting me. I explained it's like he wanted to play with my emotions and I told him what my ex was like and how upsetting it was so don't get why he wanted to do it to me. He apologised again and said he knows he was silly for doing that but thought it would be a surprise. I slept alone in his bed wishing I was home and just feeling so shitty. It was too late for me to drive home by this point and if I had he would have felt bad too so I stayed but couldn't sleep and just felt so alone and upset. He came back in the room in the morning, loving and apologetic but I feel so emotional today. I'm going home soon as I can't stop crying. I'm knackered and feel drained.

I don't know why I'm posting here but I guess am I overreacting? I know he loves me but he did something similar at Christmas where he pretending he didn't get me anything until the end of the day where by then I had the same feelings as I do now. Surely he would have learnt that I don't find that funny. Just be normal and give the gift when you get yours. I feel like I'm acting like a child but it's bringing up bad feelings from my last relationship.

OP posts:
failingrocks · 15/02/2025 16:27

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/02/2025 15:23

They had a takeaway.

Show quote history

Without brushing their teeth as neither of them could be bothered to leave the bed to clean up.. 😂🤢

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 15/02/2025 16:26

As soon as you said he asked you to take the plates to the kitchen I knew there was going to be something nice there for you. Lack of communication- both need to work harder.

somedayforoneday · 15/02/2025 16:26

He tried to get you to go into the kitchen twice, you refused. He tried to surprise you albeit clumsily and a bit silly.

GOODforyourhealth · 15/02/2025 16:23

Nonrienderien · 15/02/2025 16:17

Sadly according to your updates you are not willing to take any responsibility for not communicating your feelings immediately he didn't reciprocate the gift. You say he has mental health issues. You either accept his strange nuances or split up with him. You can't have it both ways OP. I feel given your last relationship you are looking for the fantasy that in reality doesn't exist when you have a relationship with & love people with ND.Perhaps deep down you are looking for reasons to end the relationship. You are the only person who can decide what's best for you & your child.

She has a child? I didn't see that?

Unfortunately communication with this sort of person never ends well. It'll have resulted in gaslighting, and probably the intended gift to be given thrown at op early, after it was planned to be given
late at night after he had enjoyed toying with her emotions first.

TY78910 · 15/02/2025 16:23

Chuchoter · 15/02/2025 16:17

I can't understand why her waited so long.

Surely the surprise would when you got back to his and he winks and says, 'Put the kettle on, love' and you walk in and BOOM there's the surprise!

Saying that though, you're being overwrought and so needy is going to be very off putting for most men.

I have a feeling that he was going to wait for Saturday.

Our original plan was to go to cinema on the day like we did last year but I've just been laid off from my job so felt a bit down so suggested we do this on Saturday instead.

So when OP finally told him she was disappointed, he probably got flustered and told her something about keeping it a surprise.

Nonrienderien · 15/02/2025 16:17

Sadly according to your updates you are not willing to take any responsibility for not communicating your feelings immediately he didn't reciprocate the gift. You say he has mental health issues. You either accept his strange nuances or split up with him. You can't have it both ways OP. I feel given your last relationship you are looking for the fantasy that in reality doesn't exist when you have a relationship with & love people with ND.Perhaps deep down you are looking for reasons to end the relationship. You are the only person who can decide what's best for you & your child.

Chuchoter · 15/02/2025 16:17

I can't understand why her waited so long.

Surely the surprise would when you got back to his and he winks and says, 'Put the kettle on, love' and you walk in and BOOM there's the surprise!

Saying that though, you're being overwrought and so needy is going to be very off putting for most men.

ChompandaGrazia · 15/02/2025 16:14

I think you both need to grow up.
He sounds like a waste of space. Get rid.

Doodleflips · 15/02/2025 16:12

Bloody hell. Some of the women in this thread need to raise their bars, and stop being spiteful for the sake of it.

She has asked him not to do it, and he has ignored her to play with her emotions.

We all have our triggers, and that’s part of relating.

OP - it might be time to do some work on your self esteem and your communication skills.
you deserve more than this dickhead.

katseyes7 · 15/02/2025 16:05

My (now ex) husband did something similar before we got married.
I forget if it was a birthday or Christmas, but he gave me a ring box.
When l opened it, it had a £1 coin in it. No ring.
And he laughed when l opened the box because l must have looked so excited, then disappointed when l saw it. I was gutted but managed to laugh it off.
About three hours later he presented me with a ring (just a gold dress ring, l suppose these days you'd call it a promise ring or something like that) and said something along the lines of what the OP said, basically he thought l'd appreciate it more once l'd been disappointed.
With hindsight, on our first Valentine's Day together, he didn't turn up until almost 9pm with a card and a creme egg. I'd been upset all day because l'd bought him a card and a present and had no contact from him either.
I wish l'd known then that these were red flags, so far as he was concerned, anyway. He ended up abusive and controlling and if l'd realised (I was relatively young) l should have walked away then.

ruethewhirl · 15/02/2025 16:03

Londonrach1 · 15/02/2025 14:33

You have overacted. You got a strange idea about Valentine day. It's not the movies. Most couples only give cards. The tat in the shops is just tat. Someone who cares and looks after you daily is more important than show off on a day

It's not an either/or thing.

PrincessofWells · 15/02/2025 16:03

You are totally over invested in stuff that is worthless and means nothing.

greengreyblue · 15/02/2025 16:02

Also op, people who share these things on I instagram **are seriously unhappy.

greengreyblue · 15/02/2025 16:01

I’d have no time for this shit! Run! Oh and asking you to take plates out……nope!

StMarie4me · 15/02/2025 15:59

ImmortalSnowman · 15/02/2025 13:54

He tried to make an effort and surprise you. Not good enough if he doesnt do it exactly the way you want it. He can't win can he.

Nonsense. He played with her emotions knowing that it would upset her. M
Your bar is very low!

Doodleflips · 15/02/2025 15:57

ImmortalSnowman · 15/02/2025 13:54

He tried to make an effort and surprise you. Not good enough if he doesnt do it exactly the way you want it. He can't win can he.

Are you the DP?
raise your bar. He’s being manipulative and playing with her emotions.

op - dump him.

penelopelondon · 15/02/2025 15:56

Your partner is a big weirdo into playing psychological games, WTF he enjoys seeing you suffer and looking at him with puppy eyes expecting a valentines you won't get, then when you're all down, miserable and sleeping he comes with the present? It's not normal. He sounds like the joker.

Keedoozle · 15/02/2025 15:52

So your DP likes the idea of surprising you; he's done it twice, so must think it'll be more fun for you. I don't know, but I would be pleased, that in the end, he didn't run out to get you some last-minute gift, and, in fact, actually did get you a good and fun gift that showed he did care.
I think you allowed yourself to over-think and seems you can't get past the way your ex treated you. This is coming from someone married for way longer than a year, so no surprises hiding in the kitchen, or anywhere else, from a DH that has never gone in for so much as an any occasion card, certainly not a cute and acceptable gift and your DP has apologised a couple of times to you, unfortunately, you made it into a Valentine Drama OP.

Parlezz · 15/02/2025 15:51

daisychain01 · 15/02/2025 15:38

That's really manipulative of him, and it sounds like it was deliberate - designed to spoil Valentines Day. Not normal behaviour to buy gifts and pretend not to have.

Reading your OP, it sounds like a symptom of a much bigger relationship problem. Valentines Day is once a year, it isn't something to spoil the rest of the year over - but it shines a spotlight on his attitude to your relationship, which is something not to bother with, not to make any effort for and not to give you affection and reassurance of.

in your situation that would finish off any feelings I had for someone like that. You may put it behind you but you could never forget how he made you feel.

I'd end it because only a year in, the relationship is showing massive fault lines that shouldn't be there.

if previous relationships have followed a similar trend you need to get some counselling to help you identify the type of person you seem to be attracted to, and avoid them in future!

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It doesn't sound like a symptom of a much bigger problem in the relationship, but a much bigger problem of OP's own. She'll ruin all her relationships if she carries on like this.

Lovethesparklylights · 15/02/2025 15:42

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/02/2025 14:50

Nah, this is shit.

What normal person wants to see their partner visibly disappointed, confused, upset?

Who the fuck enjoys that, which he clearly did as he has done it twice now.

Bin him off OP, this is a massive red flag!

This

Chillibeds · 15/02/2025 15:41

Honestly this type of fxxkwittery is not normal.
Drama shit show stuff that most people would consider a red flag and be gone.
You have children.
Is this really what you want in your life?

You really need to get well in yourself and take an extended break from men.
You know you have issues and are choosing to be involved with a bipolar twat.

Dump him.

CaptainFuture · 15/02/2025 15:41

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/02/2025 15:23

They had a takeaway.

Show quote history

Missed that in all the drama fuelled rest of post!

daisychain01 · 15/02/2025 15:38

wandapower · 15/02/2025 13:58

Yes after 1am. He did make an effort and got me something but I don't get his thinking behind making me feel like he didn't. I really worked myself up over the hours for nothing. I feel ungrateful and stupid but also confused as to why he thought it would be smart to pretend he didn't do anything.

That's really manipulative of him, and it sounds like it was deliberate - designed to spoil Valentines Day. Not normal behaviour to buy gifts and pretend not to have.

Reading your OP, it sounds like a symptom of a much bigger relationship problem. Valentines Day is once a year, it isn't something to spoil the rest of the year over - but it shines a spotlight on his attitude to your relationship, which is something not to bother with, not to make any effort for and not to give you affection and reassurance of.

in your situation that would finish off any feelings I had for someone like that. You may put it behind you but you could never forget how he made you feel.

I'd end it because only a year in, the relationship is showing massive fault lines that shouldn't be there.

if previous relationships have followed a similar trend you need to get some counselling to help you identify the type of person you seem to be attracted to, and avoid them in future!

TagSplashMaverick · 15/02/2025 15:38

It feels like he’s trying to make you upset and then make you pathetically grateful when he reveals he has done something.

Really gross.

It’s only been a year. You can do better than this.

redphonecase · 15/02/2025 15:37

You sound quite immature, sorry

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