Valentine's Day drama

I think you're reaction was ott but I think his mind playing was far worse! Who pretends there is no present until 1am? He is obviously taking the piss and cruelly playing on your insecurities. Awful! Get rid.

I don't think this is fun or a "surprise." IMHO it's a bit shit, and most people wouldn't like to go through a roller coaster of emotions in one day.

A few thoughts-
—Sounds like he the emotional intelligence of a gnat.
-Sounds like you have some ongoing issues re your ex that it would be good to address outside a relationship.
-I wouldn’t be introducing a man with bipolar disorder into my child’s life in what already sounds a bit of an unstable set up.

Some posters are saying over and over the bar's too low.
What does that even mean unless you're saying that you have no room for tolerance for those you love.
Set the bar high, and expect a hell of a lot more, poor guy well I bet that's the last time he tries to surprise OP with a nice Valentine's /anniversary gift
How high did you want him to jump?
Thank you for your ahem sympathy but I require none.
After years of living with my DH and knowing what a good person he is, I'm okay living without presents.
I was a little hurt in the beginning, but I guess I've just learned not to be as needy and materialistic.
What a waste of a day, I'm off to the pub with my DH and it's not even my birthday.

Some posters are saying over and over the bar's too low.
What does that even mean unless you're saying that you have no room for tolerance for those you love.
Set the bar high, and expect a hell of a lot more, poor guy well I bet that's the last time he tries to surprise OP with a nice Valentine's /anniversary gift
How high did you want him to jump?
Thank you for your ahem sympathy but I require none.
After years of living with my DH and knowing what a good person he is, I'm okay living without presents.
I was a little hurt in the beginning, but I guess I've just learned not to be as needy and materialistic.
What a waste of a day, I'm off to the pub with my DH and it's not even my birthday.

Your post doesn’t even make sense, I don’t understand the last line?

Just because you wouldn’t react that way, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t, and her emotions are valid, just as yours are.
I’m sorry your DP doesn’t give you presents and cards.

Yesterday was our one year anniversary and Valentine's Day obvs. With my ex, he never used to make an effort over these things and it would really upset me and ruin all occasions. Birthdays, valentines, Christmas- I would come with thought out gifts and he would take them but give nothing back until I got upset then he'd buy something and apologise, state how much he loves me etc.

My DP knows this and know how important celebrating occasions and gift giving it - I don't need anything extravagant even just a card/flowers etc just something that shows effort.

I had my child until the early evening so came over to his house later in the evening. Our original plan was to go to cinema on the day like we did last year but I've just been laid off from my job so felt a bit down so suggested we do this on Saturday instead. I brought a small gift and card for him, nothing big. He took it but didn't read the card and didn't have anything for me. Cinema was booked up and it's a 3 hr film and it would have been a late screening so decided to just see it the next day. We went for a walk instead and got a takeaway. On the way back I started to feel a bit down that he hadn't got me anything. I thought maybe he had hid it and would give me a card or something but we got back to his, watched some of a series we were watching. He asked me to take the plates we used to the kitchen but I said no, he should as he's closer and I was in bed warm. After one episode I started scrolling on instagram and obviously saw loads of posts celebrating valentines so don't make it obvious but felt a bit down that again I've ended up with a guy who doesn't care to make me feel special or appreciated. He turned off the tv and seemed as if he was going to sleep. I felt really shitty and couldn't sleep so turned on my laptop and started doing work but was over thinking and at this point got upset and silently crying and rethinking our whole relationship as like I said, history was repeating. He woke up and promoted me to go to the kitchen again. By this time it was 1am. Anyway, turns out he had bought a huge teddy, with wine and chocolates but wanted to make me feel like he had done nothing so it would be a surprise. I was so upset by this point and felt stupid so was still crying and couldn't get happy over the fact he had actually done something for valentiens. He has bipolar and was upset that I was upset so he slept in the other room but said he loved me but he felt stupid and sad for upsetting me. I explained it's like he wanted to play with my emotions and I told him what my ex was like and how upsetting it was so don't get why he wanted to do it to me. He apologised again and said he knows he was silly for doing that but thought it would be a surprise. I slept alone in his bed wishing I was home and just feeling so shitty. It was too late for me to drive home by this point and if I had he would have felt bad too so I stayed but couldn't sleep and just felt so alone and upset. He came back in the room in the morning, loving and apologetic but I feel so emotional today. I'm going home soon as I can't stop crying. I'm knackered and feel drained.

I don't know why I'm posting here but I guess am I overreacting? I know he loves me but he did something similar at Christmas where he pretending he didn't get me anything until the end of the day where by then I had the same feelings as I do now. Surely he would have learnt that I don't find that funny. Just be normal and give the gift when you get yours. I feel like I'm acting like a child but it's bringing up bad feelings from my last relationship.

Oh well that's so very kind of you.
I can see how worried all of you are by all of the nasty and negative posts out there.
As I said way up thread I think from my perspective that she was not hurting too badly.
She got her presents and they were all nice and very acceptable. The guy apologized , said he loved her and felt bad about her feeling sad for the delay, the delayed surprise.

As I said I've been married longer than a year and my DH always remembers my birthday he always says happy birthday, and we go for a coffee or out for a drink.
We don't exchange presents or cards and I've learned to live with that because he is otherwise a very good person and a great dad.
But when I read of OP's sadness when the guy did give her a present my point was that I wouldn't have reacted that way and I'm surprised that most of you would.
You don't have much tolerance for those you love do you, with your bar too low comments.

I’m not resorting to anything. I’m also not interested in your so called ‘push back’.
Of course she should walk away, the bloke is a dick.
I worry for all the people who can’t see the red flags, or who choose not to.
The bar is SO low :(

You know, I'm not at all surprised you would resort to saying that because that's what always happens on MN when push comes to push back.
And I push back on the notion that OP is the teary heroine and this poor guy is the villain.
But you're right, if OP is so sad about the way she was treated by her previous partner and now she's so sad that this poor guy was trying his best, though misguided as after 1 year together he didn't know her well enough, maybe she should take all of your ill- given advice and just walk off.
But I bet she doesn't.😏

You’re defending a man who’s deliberately being hurtful to his partner.

🙄

🙈

Exactly this. How are some posters missing that this is what he’s doing?

I might liven up Mother’s Day this year by making my mum feel I forgot about it. It will be an even nicer surprise when she realises the day after that I did get her something after all.