I just wanted a bit of help from DP

Assuming it's his child, I'd go out tomorrow and leave him all day with your dd.
Who goes out with their mates when their partner is unwell and their kids to see too? Selfish pricks that's who.

If I understand correctly you asked him to put his child to bed and he kept refusing. Is he usually like this? Refusing to parent or pull his weight?

Another day on MN, another thread about a selfish, lazy dickhead of a man!

Of course you're not wrong to expect your child's father to parent his child OP.

I think you need to plan some days where you go out and leave him to it. If your like me you have accepted it as the norm that you do things.

Leave him. Your life will be better without him. I don't say this lightly. I was married to a man like this and divorce truly set me free.

I hope you feel better soon , it sounds like you've got this awful viral infection that's going around right now.

You need to make him feel like utter shit for saying that. It's his child and he's your partner. If he isn't going to take care of you both in sickness then when the fuck is he actually going to do it? He views you with contempt, if you look you will see the signs.

YABU to describe it as “ help”

he’s not helping you. He needed to do his job as parent. Your child needs parenting, one parent is out of “commission”, other one takes over completely.

time to have serious talk with him. You need to set boundaries to say your daughter care is not your responsibility even if your routine or plans had originally agreed you were on “ duty” that evening. Plans and routine have to be flexible with kids. Both parents have to understand that you will both need to alter expectations of what you were planning to do that day when stuff happens - hold up in traffic, call form school/nursery that kid is ill, one of you going to hospital, child needing to go to hospital, surprising work needs, etc etc. you’ve got 18 years of this, shit will happen to trash your precious down time.

please don’t tell me you are responsible for all drop off and pick us every day and working full time and preparing her food and bath time…please don’t tell me you’ve martyred yourself for his “helplessness” of stepping up to parenting, or becuase you simply didn’t trust him to be able to, or you didn’t like him doing it way he wanted to. That way lies a noose around your own neck that was entirely avoidable.

he is an adult. He needs to behave like one. Tell him “instrad of complaining to me, go and look your DC in the eyes and moan at her how much he resents looking after her needs” . If it wasn’t for child’s needs you’d have not needed to ask anything of him. It is not for your benefit. It is not your responsisiblty that he has to step in when he didn’t want to. It’s down to fact he has a child. Let him dwell on thst, he is in effect complaining to his child that he is having to parent them. Nice one. Selfish git.

YABU in describing it as him helping you - his home, his child - you should both expect him to have some responsibility
All the time - not just responsibility to stand in when you're sick.

Yes he should have parented his own child by himself. He should have taken one look at his unwell partner and ushered you off to bed without even being asked.

Things are clearly completely uneven between you if you consider him parenting his child as 'helping' you. And he has some audicity to give you a hard time about putting his own kid to bed and then merrily skip out for the day leaving you to parent her alone.

Stop putting up with the absolute minimum from this misogynistic prick.

He sounds awful. I'm assuming this is just the tip of the self-centered iceberg?

Hope you feel better today, OP!

he kept saying 'you'd have to do it if I wasn't here'

But he was there?!

I don't understand-what was his reason for not parenting his own child?

Assuming it’s his child as well? Yes, he should have just stepped up because he cares.

He’s jointly responsible for raising his child. Maybe remind he he’d have to look after her for the whole weekend if you split up.