I just wanted a bit of help from DP

I hope you find some time to think clearly about your future with/without this man op. He sounds less than useless.

I have this virus right now and last week had to attend a and e because I was so poorly. My husband took everything over while I was out. He then took over as much childcare and housework as he could physically manage while I began to to recover. My husband has a physical disability and our child is autistic and high needs. He gave 100% so that I could get some rest. These are the actions of a good man that cares about his wife. Your partner is a lazy , misogynistic twat.

When you feel better please consider leaving him.

Jeez, if you're still having sex with this prince please please double bag it.

However I think you should go, be free, LTB... and she lived happily ever after without the man because there was no point to him 😊

I cannot fathom how women can stay with men like this. And even more how they go on to have more children. He's a piece of shit.

I know you want her to have a father in her life but what benefit is one that models selfish, misogynistic, lazy behaviour and treats her mother with contempt?
The last thing a daughter needs is that kind of example of a father and man

I’ve got one of these DH’s, it’s ridiculous, of course he should just do it but I know from experience it’s not that easy. I’m pregnant with our third, after I’ve put both children to bed I’m shattered and the few occasions I’ve asked him to help do tea or put one of the kids to bed while I do tea it causes a massive drama. I get told I’m taking the piss because I’m pregnant, called names, told I do nothing ( I work part time but from home so according to him my jobs a joke). As you do, I do every single thing for the kids and most of the time I don’t mind but it really shouldn’t be such a big deal every time we ask for a little help if we’re ill or shattered.

Honestly sometimes I think it would just be easier to do it alone. I’d suggest having a proper talk about with him but I’ve done that several times…..they make all the right noises but don’t change.

I hope you feel better soon op.

Sigh......... where to start...

Well - obviously nail down your contraception. You don't want to risk having another child with this useless $#@&#&$...

You earn less and are responsible for childcare? Does, this include paying for nursery? He pays for shopping. And what else? Are your contributions/expenditure proportional to your respective salaries? Are you on the deeds of the house?

And you are not married...... You may be in a potentially vulnerable position. Time to think of how this is going to work - or not! - long term.

He’s utterly shit. So what if he pays for the shopping. And he doesn’t help around the house, it’s his house too! I assume he poos in the loo? So cleaning it is as much his responsibility as anyone’s.

For contrast, OP, right now I’m battling a nasty virus: flu or Covid. Shivering and aches like you, throwing up. DP is the breadwinner but I still have to work, albeit part-time. ALL WEEK he has done all school and nursery runs, so twice a day to different locations at different times, because I’m too ill. He’s coslept with the poorly toddler three nights in a row to help me sleep and recover. We each have our jobs – he’s bins, laundry, food shop among other things; I’m meal planner, school admin, tidying among other things. But the childcare is and always will be 50/50 because he’s a PARENT: bath, bed, dinner, snacks, reading some terrible board book 19 times in a row, getting them fitted for shoes, standing in bleak windswept playgrounds while the toddler looks at some mud. He does 50% of all that. That’s your baseline. Not “he pays for food”.

Please read or listen to this and then reassess.

https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-book

Id rather be a single parent than put up with that

You're showing your daughter you are not worth anything thus way but letting him get away with all this.

Another useless waste-of-space man. Second I’ve read about on here this evening.

Honestly, just save yourself a world of pain and get rid. Far better for your DD to grow up without such a useless specimen of manhood in her life, far better for you not to grow increasingly resentful of someone who is meant to be your partner.

‘helped’

Was he useless before you had your daughter?

He is a shit father and partner, it's your choice to stay and put up with him and inflict him on your daughter, the longer you stay the more likely she is to find a similar partner for herself in the future.

he is very much 'it's a woman's job'

Christ - is he from the 1950s? There is no excuse for this kind of attitude in 2025.

I agree with previous posts. I'd be asking him why is he not caring for his child?
Sorry you are going through this, OP.

Of course he should have done it, you shouldn't have had to ask.

I'd have a relapse if I were you. Stay in bed all weekend and let Mr Lazybones do all the stuff you presumably do without his even noticing.

Has he ever looked after his own child or is this the first time he can't be bothered.

Maybe tell him being a lone parent would be easier.... Because ime of a useless bloke it will be.

I would have said that his point works the other way too - if you weren't there he'd have to do it anyway, so ...?

The issue is that he's a very selfish, sexist man. He thinks child related chores are all yours, because they are womens work. That's bad enough that he sees it as doing you a favour (it isn't, she's his child too) but to try and argue he doesn't want to even though you've been at work and he hasn't, and even though you're ill and he isn't, is just appalling.

I'm not surprised at all that he's gone out today to the gym and seeing his mates. Let me guess, you never get up on a Saturday and walk out to do leisure activities for the day and if you do you have to ask him as if it's a massive favour.

Ghastly man.

"You'd have to do it if I wasn't here"

Does he work? Does he do anything else round the house?

My brother in law said something similar to my sister about housework. (They have a fairly even split) so she stopped doing his laundry which was her job and when he complained she said same to him.

Petty maybe But it made the point and she said he hasn't said anything like it since.

He doesn't care if you are ill because you are not him and only he matters.

He actually said that his expectation is that you look after the children as if he doesn't exist?

What's the point of him?