To hate that funerals take place weeks after the death?

It was the paperwork that held everything up when my father died, not the availability of the crematorium. We couldn’t get an appointment to register the death for about 10 days - the registrar (in a large UK town) only had very limited dates / times they’d book. I don’t know if this is different if someone has religious requirements, but it did feel like complying with the actual law to register within 5 days wasn’t a great concern and technically breaking the law (even though there was NOTHING we could have done about it) was a real additional source of stress that wasn’t needed.

I’m with you. The funeral didn’t release me from the limbo of grief so waiting a month didn’t make a difference. I wouldn’t have coped having a funeral 2-3 days later – too shellshocked. I wouldn’t have felt there. Keep seeing references to moving on, getting on with life, a month-long wait meaning you’re out of the mourning period and I can’t relate at all. A month is nothing.

One problem is if crematoriums did services to 6-7pm, some people won't like that especially they can't 'switch off' all day. Others got further to travel back home etc.

Or some employers may not pay employees to have bereavement leave if they overhear that they are attending their aunt's funeral at 7pm at the local crem. As they think they can go home, get change and out again. Err no.

We are Jewish, My dad died at home recently late afternoon on a Thursday. His GP came out and said she would pass the info to the medical examiner 1st thing in the morning. The ME would then notify the registrar who would then issue a certificate to the United Synagogue Burial Society. This process took the whole of the Friday during which my dad remained on his hospital bed in the living room at home.
The undertaker finally arrived just before the Sabbath came in on Friday evening and his Lavoyah (funeral) was held on the Sunday as funerals cannot be held on Saturdays due to the Sabbath.
I can honestly say this was one of the most stressful experiences of my life getting this organised and trying to preserve my dads dignity.
I completely understand why a long wait is also stressful (my DH is not Jewish so I also experienced this when he lost his dad).
The Synagogue is set up to get burials done quickly, but we still have to wait for the officialdom and bureaucracy the same as everyone else before the actual funeral can be arranged.
I have been to Jewish funerals where the person died early in the morning, and the funeral has happened the same afternoon!

Yes it is. The body is never left alone either and either family friends or volunteers sort with it 24/7 until the funeral

Its the State supressing Faith pratice.

If I am of faith X and the pratice is I burry family within 1 -2 days and the State decided I need paperwork to carry out the burial why should the States choice to under resource the department issuing the paperwork be my problem?

The coroner could provide but choose not to.

I guess, for those of us from outside England, is why is there a delay at all? Every other country in the world seems to manage to have funeral within a week,at most, of death.

The extra checks just came in recently in England. In Scotland they have been around for several years. This coincides with getting rid of the cremation forms. Now the certificates are reviewed at random. Should only add about 24-48 hours to the process though. I think the delays got worse during COVID and a lot of things just haven't gone back to normal. In Scotland with the new checks there were never these delays initially

In Bristol there are only 2 crematoria. The population is half a million. There's aways someone departing this world. That's why it takes so long.

When was your experience? In which country? Multiple pps have posted here about the recent legal changes re medical examinor sign-off

Not in my experience.

I seem to be in the minority but I don’t understand the rush for a quick funeral, unless it’s for religious reasons. I need time to come to terms with the death first. I prefer the thought of the person being here “with us” for a bit longer rather than buried or in an urn.

*medical certificate

The death certificate is after the med cert

Apologies if this is an offensive question, it isn't meant that way. With Jews, are the bodies prepared in the same way as what would be considered common among British undertakers? By that I mean the body made presentable and viewed prior.

Humdingerydoo

I can absolutely assure you I have not misunderstood the ruling and I absolutely know that the policies were changed after it was delivered.

You missed out this bit of the BBC analysis:

The chief coroner for England and Wales has been asked to give advice to Ms Hassell, and for her to consult Muslim and Jewish communities, before drafting a new policy.

Anyway, I'm also done in this conversation with you - you seem to take offence at any post where it is shown that the administration required for religious burials to take place is prioritised.

I'm sure that most people are sympathetic to the need for some groups to bury quickly - I know I am.

I'm just pointing out that this is facilitated where it can be, as it should be.

So long

that's it

No. That's partly it.

It's also due to the delay in getting the death certificate. As described by many pp.

Why do you think Ireland manage to do it so much quicker?

I'm in Scotland too. From what I recall we bought the plot from the Council and yes they did supply the diggers. But I see no reason why an approved digger list couldn't be expanded outside Council employees. As I say, perhaps ones provided by undertakers.

I understand what you are saying about requiring a room to carry out the service. But that doesn't really need to be a specific room. An example would be local function suites, for the less religious or less concerned with appearances. They could be used as service rooms.

It does sound like a major lack of capacity Nationwide, solutions should be looked into.

I'm sorry for your loss.

30 years ago when my grandmother died, the funeral was 4 days later.

15 months ago we waited 16 days for my DM's - and that was fairly quick.

There is a shortage of spaces at the crem, that's it. It's nothing to do with culture, or tradition, it's lack of availability.

My mother's funeral took over a month - but we had a family plot and she was the first, which meant it took longer because they had to dig deeper. But the hole was so huge to look down it sort of put us off using it in future - though we did for Dad, as he went, well, six years later.
It's true that the longer it's left, the more of a wrench it is because for some time close by you do feel that they are still present, but after that it really feels like they are gone - and the funeral represents a second goodbye, one you really don't want.

We got around this the second time by observing that that a funeral by this point is more a chance for the extended family to meet up, something that doesn't happen too often, and chat about stuff, reconnect. For instance, at my mother's funeral, it was silently assumed my Dad would be next to go - in fact it was a much-loved cousin in her early 60s, quite unexpectedly due to a diabetic attack one morning, and within two months. So our mother's funeral had allowed us all to meet her one last time, including her own daughter. We weren't to know that, of course but if Mum had held on for a bit longer, none of that would have happened - well, the death would have presumably, but not the meet up with my cousin, she'd have gone by then too.

So for Dad's funeral and wake at nearby pub, we made it more for the benefit of everyone else, and we sat at the back of the Church in case we broke down, as before.

My condolences OP x

It is absolutely disgraceful to be held in limbo for so long for something as important but still such a common part of civilised society as a funeral.

I don’t think other countries have this issue. How are we going so wrong with basic services such as this? Same with health care, social care and most other government organised services.

It does seem to be only us from conversations I’ve had with friends and family living in other countries and what I have experienced and seen firsthand myself, and has been the same for decades.

My aunt passed on New Years Day. Funeral is on Monday. It's an awful long time to wait.

I'm in Ireland and the funeral is usually about 3 days after death. Can't imagine how difficult the limbo is. My aunt died in England (suddenly) and the wait was 6 weeks. So very hard for the immediate family. It's not right.

It would be incredibly distressing for a Jewish person to have a delayed burial as it is considered a commandment to have a quick burial - although of course we accept postmortem delays. Exactly as Rockingroll says, the community has it's own infrastructure in place for a quick burial and there is no personalisation apart from the eulogy. We have wonderful volunteers who prepare bodies for burial in a religious way and there are no choices to be made - everyone is buried in the same white shroud, the coffin is the same, the service is the same. You're given a time slot and you appreciate it's short notice so some people may not be able to come but everyone rallies round and makes it happen. We then have various mourning rituals for the first 7 and 30 days and longer until the stone setting ceremony 9-12 months later where the grave stone is put in place, which is a chance for everyone to gather again and remember the person who died. There are often memorial prayers at the family home for the first 1-7 days where people share more personal reflections and anyone who couldn't be at the funeral can come to show their support. I found it a relief not having to plan every detail of the funeral. I would have found it so hard to be suspended for weeks waiting to move on so really appreciate how difficult this must be for you.

Again - others are welcome to request expedition. So it's not different treatment, we're just taking them up on the offer. And the thing I'm worried about isn't objection but rather this being used as yet another reason to irrationally hate Jews and Muslims. We get enough hate as it is and don't need further misinformation spread about us.

And @TheWordWomanIsTaken I think you're misunderstanding what the ruling was - she was refusing to ever take religion into consideration and the ruling says it shouldn't be a blanket rule to never consider religion when deciding priority. It basically didn't change anything as she's still free to not prioritise people for religious reasons.

"Case analysis
BBC's religious affairs producer Callum May

This case will not set a precedent for coroners across the UK.

Each coroner has discretion over the order in which bodies are released.

In Mary Hassell's case, the High Court decided she was acting unlawfully by refusing to ever consider religion as a reason to prioritise the release of a body."

Anyway, I'm done with this conversation. You've made your point and I've made mine, that others also have a right to request expedition.