To hate that funerals take place weeks after the death?

It was 5 weeks before we could have my father's funeral. I organised all the music, etc and wrote his eulogy. That helped me a lot as although the funeral was quite traditional, I felt I was able to celebrate his life through what I wrote knowing that others who attended shared my fondeness and respect for my dad through there own relationship with him, be that as a friend, relative or old colleague, (he was almost 95 when he died)
But the funeral wasn't the last goodbye because when we buried his ashes a few weeks later, I said goodbye all over again! Over a year on and of course I miss him but I have many lovely memories which make me smile, not sad.

Sorry about your parent passing OP ..🌺

I live in Ireland & it’s literally 3 days..
I’ve always thought , the amount of time in Uk when someone passes is very unfair on family….

My husband died during lockdown and the process was conducted over the telephone. I don't recommend it - it added to the stress. You really need to be able to do it in person. I agree that two days a week is inadequate.

In our town, we were "lucky" because the registrar had a cancellation. She only works in the office two days per week anyway apparently, and somehow "works from home" for another two days - heaven knows how she manages that when you have to attend the register office in person for deaths, marriages, etc. and presumably she wouldn't be impressed if you turned up at her home!

I wonder if delays could be reduced if the staff actually worked full time and actually in the register office??

I suspect that there are staffing issues that contribute to delays in holding the funeral - not enough pathologists to do PMs, not enough Registrars to register the deaths, not enough vicars and priests to hold the funerals (I can't speak to availability in other religions, but I know that, in C of E and Catholic churches, one priest or vicar can be covering several parishes) - and all of this can add up to delays, especially in winter, when there are more deaths.

Better staffing would seem to be the answer, but I don't know where the money would come from.

Which is why I liked our undertakers approach. They asked me if I wanted to know those things. I did, so they told me, but I could have been told nothing.

Yes, some people will want to know more than others. I believe that most of the unattended cremations happen in the first slot of the morning, i.e. about 8.40am, because those slots aren't generally used for attended funerals as it's too early.

YANBU I'm Irish and I find the long gap between a death and the person's funeral in England a bit strange. We have ours 3-4 days afterwards barring exceptional circumstances. I've always wondered why. I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that you can't yet properly grieve and try to get back to some kind of routine to help with the grieving process.

In 2015 I had to wait 6 weeks for my partners funeral. Expected death, no inquest, nothing special.

In 2017 my step mom's funeral was 5 weeks post death, again no special circumstances.

It's not covid related..

YANBU. We waited 5 weeks for my Mum’s funeral recently. I felt the same as you. Your wording is very accurate. I was starting to heal and it unpicked an old wound again. I was told it isn’t that the crematorium is booked up it’s trying to get the staff from the funeral directors. If all the funerals nearby are using the same funeral directors there will be a shortage. We have two crematoriums nearby but if there are burials taking place also you can imagine the situation. Made sense when it was explained like that.

In Australasia it’s usually under a week. Britain is an outlier and it’s ridiculous. I’ve buried loved ones in both England and down under and the situation (long waits) in London at least is ridiculous. But many people don’t realise how different it is elsewhere and don’t kick up a fuss to try and change the system.

I am originally from a Latin American country, where the dead must be buried within 24 hours. I really can't understand the long wait in Anglo-Saxon countries...

We were told the date but not the time, which for me was exactly the right level of detail. But it’s so personal what you want to know, isn’t it?

It’s mainly because it’s a hot country. So for practical reasons. There are ways now to keep a body ‘on ice’ but they haven’t changed their process.

I was asked if I wanted to be informed when the body was moved.

I thought they only told you after the cremation had happened. We weren't told in advance when my ex-DH died. It was explained to me that no details were given beforehand just in case people showed up.

My ex-DH had an unattended cremation in 2019, and then about a week later we all got together for a drink in his memory. It went so well that myself and my partner have now paid for our own unattended cremations. I am so pleased my two DC will not have to go through the trauma of a funeral.

Yes, my DM passed in 2004, and two doctors had to sign then.

Two of my relatives have passed in the last week (husband and wife), and it seems the joint funeral for them will be in about a month's time.

However, a funeral can go ahead in Ireland just with a death certificate without the need to register beforehand.
Thank you for clarifying this.
I though I'd lost my mind as I remember registering the deaths well after the funerals.
l was doubting myself reading this thread, we follow a lot of similar rules to the UK.

I live in northern Ireland so funerals are always 2-3 days after here. When my grandparents in England died their bodies were kept in a morgue and not their house. It was weird as we didn't have a wake the day before the funeral or anything. When my partners granny died last year we kept her body in her home and people came for the 2 days to day goodbye and to pay their respects before we carried her body to the church. We eat good for weeks with all the food brought over.

It is a nightmare and everything is on hold. My dad died unexpectedly so had to have a postmortem. Died Jan and funeral was April. Between coroner taking until March and then Vicar on holiday. It was very hard.

You have my sympathies. It was circa 3 weeks for both my parents (within 11 months of each other). Fortunately, they both wanted direct cremations and very informal life celebrations. I wouldn't have wanted to wait any longer and would have hated to sit around the coffin each time. I'm sorry you are having to go through this but once it's over you will feel so much better.

I'm actually the opposite, I wasn't ready for the funeral planned 2 weeks later. Deeply grieving, was putting together photo books, memories, creating a poem and life story. I felt I needed more time and needed to immerse myself into it all. I know we had goodbye but it didn't seem real so for me I found it so difficult to do it officially. Xx

My thoughts there are I'd rather the funeral was quick. I don't like the idea of a loved one essentially being kept in a fridge for a long period.

Thanks for your input. It does sound like streamlining is required though. With death certificates, surely a qualified Dr can look at the records and say eg, this person died in a hospice or hospital after a terminal illness diagnosis. It shouldn't really need the specific Dr who was treating.

With cremations and burials, unless the deceased or their family were religious, As previously said, services could be held anywhere and cremation of the body later in the day. Or in the case of burial, have licensed gravediggers rather than rely on Council workers.

Not sure I'd agree with the post Christmas rush being totally to blame. Long periods between death and burial/cremation were happening all last year.

To the people who took the time to enlighten us all on Jewish customs. Many thanks.